Triggered!

Everybody has experienced a time or two (or three thousand) where a situation, comment or action triggers us and sends us into an emotional tailspin.

When suddenly the mole hill we've been dealt becomes Mount Everest and logic goes out the window and we immerse ourselves in the passionate distress of the moment.

I had one of those moments this week.

Immediately, my body felt like it had been kicked in the stomach and I took on feelings of betrayal, entitlement and victimhood.

An ugly combination for sure!

Fortunately, I was aware of why I was feeling this way, the past memory I held onto and the connection it had to this new situation.  I was able to acknowledge it and through the kindness of a listening friend was able to say the words out loud "I feel betrayed.  I feel like just once I would like something for myself.  I feel like I can't trust this person again".  I was able to release the emotion that was stirring inside of me and cried from a place so deep inside of me that I knew that I was getting rid of something that was holding me back.

This is something I've always struggled with.  Being emotionally authentic.  I'm always good with the feel good stuff, but when it comes to what I judge as the 'uglier' emotions I just don't allow myself to be real.  This time though I was able to be real and honest about these feelings.  It's hard to speak out loud some of the things that I did that day.  It's hard to admit sometimes because I would just prefer to be happy and joyful all the time and ignore the moments of rage, disappointment and resentment. 

The great thing is that saying them out loud, letting my emotion come out and honouring all of it, shone a light on the trigger and it almost instantly melted away.

In fact, not only was the trigger gone but over the next couple of days I began to see that by moving through this situation I was able to release something that I had no idea was still lurking around inside of me.

I began to see the gift in the situation instead of stewing about how someone had 'done me wrong'.

Because really at the end of the day, it's never about the person who brings the trigger to your attention.  It's all about you and how you respond and heal yourself.

Try Being the Observer...

Have you ever tried being somewhere else when you were right where you are?

You may have to read that a couple of times, it's a tongue twisting brain melter of a question.

I experienced this yesterday as I was laying down for a nap.

You see, yesterday was family day.  And it was a gorgeous weather day.  And my house was a mess.  And the dog needed to be walked.  And Ben wanted to go to the mall and 'hang out' or go to the movies and 'hang out'.  And the list goes on and on and on.

The challenge?  I was pooped out and literally felt like if I didn't lay down I would fall flat on my face!

Now, usually I push through this fatigue.  Throw an extra load of laundry in, get the dog out for her walk, take the boy to do whatever it is he wants to do and figure out what to make for dinner hoping to make it to 9pm without falling asleep in my plate of food!

Yesterday was different.  Yesterday I allowed myself an hour of rest time.  Well, it would have been restful had my mind not been juggling all of the things I needed to be doing instead of resting!

As I laid in bed I watched the thoughts swirl, I felt my stomach clench and my heart start to race.

Have you ever been the observer when your mind and body are duelling?

It's quite an incredible thing to witness.

Nowhere had my rational mind given permission to engage in this inner struggle.  In fact my breath was even and deep, I was clearly in a space of observation. 

My subconscious wanted me to stop being so lazy and my rational mind knew I needed to be resting, it felt good to my body to be laying down, snuggled under the warm blankets.  But my subconscious mind was having a hissy fit, the beliefs that are held in my subconscious were telling my body that this is not right, get up and do SOMETHING! ANYTHING!  For God's sake before the world falls apart and your children think you don't love them enough to take them to the mall on Family Day!!!!!

You think this is an exaggeration?  Tell that to my heart!  It was going a mile a minute, like it was up and running a marathon instead of relaxing and resting in a safe cozy place.

In 2.2 seconds my body was in stress mode and any hopes of getting a little snooze were called off. 

My subconscious mind wanted me to be in a place other than where I was and my body was struggling with that expectation because it wasn't happening.

This happens to us all the time without us even knowing what is going on!  Nine times out of ten we are running around blind to the fact that we are being controlled by our crazy subconscious beliefs about who we need to be, where we need to be and how we need to be getting there!

Try being the observer the next time you find yourself in the middle of this inner struggle.  It's worth it to see how incredibly powerful the subconscious is at controlling our every move.

Then once you have observed.  Let it go!  Or better yet, tell your subconscious to beat it!  No one likes an exaggerater!

Parenting gone wrong.....

So I guess I wasn't on the planet when the news came out about the 'redneck' dad who shot his daughters laptop for a post she made about how fed up she is with doing chores. 

I hadn't heard about it at all until today when a friend wondered why I hadn't blogged about it yet and wanted to know what I thought about the issue.

This stuff fires me up!

For those of you who were away on vacation with me while this was going down.  A father was fixing his daughters laptop (he's an IT guy) and upgrading software when he hacked into her facebook and found that she wrote a lengthy note about how she was overworked and underappreciated (though she worded it quite a bit more brightly than I am here) in her home and she was sick and tired of doing everything for her parents.

There are so many levels of wrong in this little story that it makes my head spin. 

First, I don't know a fifteen year old on the planet that at one time or another hasn't had a beef with their parents.  (note to parents; don't take everything your kids say to you or about you seriously).

Secondly, a gun?  Really?

Third, you just posted a video on YouTube of yourself shooting your daughters laptop as a consequence of her sensationalizing her family relationship and exposing your 'secrets'.  Hmmm, I wonder where she got the idea that that was appropriate behaviour?

Let's review.  Teenagers have not yet developed the prefrontal cortex, this is the part of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions.  So any extreme consequence will most likely result in another facebook post about how fucked up her dad is.  I wonder if he bought more bullets?

I know we all have opinions about how we need to parent our children and one way is not necessarily better or more right than another because we need to address situations individually as they pertain to our family.  However, I have to say that if this parent is willing to get 'fired up' (no pun intended) about a facebook note that most likely only her friends saw what else is he willing to lose his cool over?

What he did was react emotionally without really thinking about where those emotions were coming from.  He obviously doesn't like being disrespected and I have to say neither do I.  Though I've never thought to use a gun on the XBOX when I've been frustrated to gain my child's respect.

It makes me wonder how different this situation could be and how different this girls future would look if instead dad sat her down and spoke to her about how it made him feel and how much he would prefer it if she came to him directly if she was feeling this way.

Oh yes!  You parents who think this is the fluffy, sucky baby way to parent are going to have a BIG problem with that.  But let's be honest here, if you are trying to prepare your child for what you call the 'real world' you must know by now that managers, heads of companies and employers DO NOT shoot computers to gain their employees respect!  You HAVE NOT prepared your child for the real world if you are using corporal punishment to get them to obey you! 

If you want someone in your life that will obey your every word, get a robot.

Yesterday's post addressed the 'monkey see, monkey do' aspect of parenting.  If you want something different from your kids, do something different for you.  If you want respect, show respect.  If you want a facebook note that says how appreciated you are for the love you give, then it might be a good idea to abandon the thought that using a gun and videotaping a consequence is appropriate.

Have you heard the quote "how you do anything is how you do everything"?

In this case, I'd be hardpressed to see why this dad shouldn't be investigated for his behaviour since afterall his prefrontal cortex has been developed for some time now.

Pursuit of Happiness

I'm content.

I don't need anything more than what I have right now in this moment.

Everytime I think about my husband, children and friends I feel full, complete and loved.

If I never do another thing in my life I will be happy.

If I get to sit all day and stare at walls I will be happy.

If I never get to travel, never get to drive a fancy car and never get to live on the water of Georgian Bay I will be happy.

This is where I am right now.

And I have no idea how I got here.

We've been lead to believe that happiness is marked by fireworks and grandiose 'aha' moments.

It's not.

In fact, being in this space is hard to verbalize to others.  Where do I begin with the story of my happiness when I don't know how I came upon it in the first place?

Who can understand that I have goals and dreams, and yet in this moment if none of them came to be that would be just fine? 

I mean, that's not how things go on this planet!  We are supposed to be striving towards something bigger and better than our now moment, not sitting happily sipping tea and watching the wind blow the leaves around the yard.

My friend Heather was asking me this morning what my heart desires. 

My answer was 'nothing'.  It desires nothing.  And at the moment I spoke those words I realized how frightened I am of that statement. 

Nothing is desired.

Terrifying!

I mean what do I DO with myself if my heart desires nothing?

Nobody teaches you this stuff.  Everyone teaches how to GET happiness.  How to GET what you want.  Nobody tells you what to do when you have reached a space of happiness that is so amazing you cannot stop yourself from smiling at the piles of laundry and dried bits of egg on the stove top like a crazy lady!

I'll keep you posted.....

Gotta love transformation!

Every once in a while you experience a moment where divine truth travels from your head to your heart.

It's in this moment that your heart opens, your eyes water and you realize just how fabulous life really is.

That's what happened last week when I spent time with Heart Power Coach, Rosemary Heenan.  I had booked a session with Rosemary a bit ago when I was in a very desperate place (I joked that she could probably have smelled the desperation in my email requesting an appointment).

Rosemary has a way of opening her heart to you and asking you just the right questions to get you living and breathing your truth.

Topic of discussion:  Self worth and self love.

Since going through my style makeover the day before I was feeling pretty good, I was also sitting in a pool of reality that I really haven't been giving myself any credit for my work as a mother or participant in this game we call life.

Apparently, I'm great at supporting others in their quest to self love but put my own self love needs on the back burner for far too long.

Clarity flooded in when we really broke down the worth and value of being a mother. 

You know the list of duties we perform each day for our families and the cost if someone outside the home were to have to provide services for these duties.

You see, my trouble is that there is no 'monetary' reward for stay at home mothering.  Money pays the bills, money buys you nice things and gets you nice vacations. 

What I had forgotten was the fact that I have been paid many times over in other ways.  Most importantly, my children are wise, healthy, strong, confident, kind and fun!  That feels as great as I'm imagining a million dollars to feel! 

I was also hit with the 'aha' that there is never a time when the Universe isn't rewarding you for your hard work.  There is an abundance of energy that is forever flowing into our lives.  Even when we don't think it is, it is! 

Though, I have always known this in my head (gosh, I've read enough books to know that by now!), I hadn't actually taken it into my heart as divine wisdom or a concept I was going to live by with every breath I took.  To be honest, I knew it existed because I saw it for others but I didn't feel I was worthy of receiving that same abundance. 

Silly girl!

I was fully aware in that moment of clarity that I had closed the door to receiving personal payment from the Universe (that stinky unworthy feeling again), I did become more deeply aware that the Universe still managed to find a way into my home and into my family, helping us to create a life that was magical without my awareness or my permission.

Huh.

That in itself was a tremendous breakthrough and I could feel this new realization, this divine truth travel from my head into my heart where it made itself comfy cozy.  I could feel this energy tingle through my body and I just had to sit there and let it soak in.

Currently my body is processing all the changes I've made over the last few days by handing me a head cold and a feeling of whiplash in my neck and shoulders.

Transformation this deep weaves it's way through your entire body, mind and spirit.

When we live so deeply with our low self worth, the physical body responds to that low self worth through exhaustion, energetic vulnerability and illness.  So it makes perfect sense that when you heal those damaging beliefs about yourself your physical body will respond to that healing, releasing old energy that no longer belongs in your body (aka sneezing, runny nose and the like).

PS - I wanted to ask you.  What is it that you've been denying the Universe access to in your life?  It's waiting there with a cornacopia of abundance and prosperity for anything you need.  What belief are you holding onto that is keeping you from receiving?

Finding Jenn

Last year around this time I was on a quest to find my true essence.  My inner goddess.

To dress on the outside the way I feel on the inside.  To speak my truth in my true voice.  To march to the beat of my own drum...so to speak.

Somehow I got side tracked.

Motherhood will do that to you when your personal goal isn't as important to you as your children's well-being and happiness.

In fact, until today I hadn't really realized how far back I had left myself.  How low my self-worth was.

On January 1 I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it took to get back on my quest to find the real Jenn.

Today was the first step in doing that.

I hired my good friend and amazing 'Thrift Style Expert' Denise Rivait to come by and work her magic in my closet.

Denise is one of those women who has a natural sense of personal style.  Everything I see her in is something that looks fabulous and she totally rocks it!

So it was an easy decision to make to have her come in and give me a hand in finding my true self.

I was not expecting to have my entire closet wiped out! 

Okay, I did expect that.  I knew it was coming, nothing I wear feels like me, it feels drab.  As a 'stay-at-home-mom-preneur' I rarely spend good money on clothes, I wear what I have and make due until I can't stand it anymore, then I go shopping and buy whatever's in my path, just to bring it home and rarely wear it.

Seeing all of my clothes in the 'give away' pile was a sobering sight. 

If all that I've purchased in the past is not right, how in the world am I going to make sure I bring in clothes to wear that are going to scream 'this is Jenn!' now?

I sat down and I cried.

Not a bad cry, but a good cry.  A cry of realization that the adventure I was about to embark on was going to be one that would truly make me stand out.  I was finally going to own and wear things that aligned with my essence.

I'd have to say the greatest part about today's experience was the shopping.  Denise did a fabulous job of handing me item after item, stretching my imagination, ignoring my comfort zone and keeping me from the grey sweaters and comfy yoga pants...

We found some great deals, I walked through the mall with the biggest smile on my face and my heart filled with excitement for what this experience means for my future.

I am looking forward to tomorrow morning.  I am excited about getting dressed and slipping on my new knee high boots and funky jacket instead of throwing on the jogging pants and sweatshirt.

Stay tuned...there's definitely more to come on this topic :)

If your life was a book....

This morning I woke up looking for inspiration.

This is what I found.

http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_purdy_living_beyond_limits.html

I often find things that make me go 'hmmmm'.

Have you ever asked yourself the question that this speaker is asking?

If your life was a book and you were the author what would you want your story to look like?

It seems a simple question.  But it is oh so powerful!

Think about all the books you have read.  The fiction stories, the autobiographies, the comedies, the dramas, the self help stuff. 

Those authors put those stories out there.  How did those books change you? 

Now I want you to take this a step further and think about your life as a book you have written.  How will it affect others who 'read' it?

Everyone's story has the potential to inspire and motivate someone else in the world.

What if today you decided that you will conquer the thing that brings you the most fear?  What if you decided that your story was no longer going to be about being the victim but instead being the hero?  What if today you decided to take the first step in changing your lifestyle so that you were healthier and stronger? What if today you decided to do what your heart has always wanted to do but your brain has been talking you out of?

And what would making these decisions; changing your story, do for your life?

On this very first day of a brand new year.  These are the things I am thinking about.  Not resolutions, but story changers.

How about you?

The Pain of Growth Spurts

Remember when you were a kid and you were going through a growth spurt?

Sometimes it felt like you didn't fit in your own skin.  Sometimes your bones ached.  Sometimes you found yourself falling over things, clumsy as an ox in a body that was growing so fast it took you a while to readjust your balance.  And if you were a girl the pain of the breasts that were about to blossom was almost unbearable at times!

The truth is whether your growth spurt is physical, emotional or spiritual, they are sometimes painful.

I've been reminding myself of this fact over the last few weeks, as I am once again in the middle of a growth spurt.

I feel like I am visiting this space of internal questioning far too often anymore, like the train of change just keeps on moving and I barely have time to stop for a pee break and grab a snack!

I know I'm not alone.  But at the same time it does feel lonely.

At one time or another we all come across this state of being where we feel like we are stuck in a rut.  I prefer to think of this time as a much needed rest, or that my 'stuckness' is just a way to let life catch up to me :)

Whatever it is though, it just is.  I can change it a bit through music and laughter, I can even shift some of the stagnant feelings with poetry and art but whatever needs to happen in this time is perfect and I just need to practice patience, as well as kindness towards myself.

My belief that I am everything I need to be in every moment keeps me from getting caught up in the craziness.  I know that when this low is over (and it will be shortly) there is going to be a whole lot of high!  And I will be more than ready for it :)

Always learning something

There are so many wonderful perks to being a mentor to a young girl. 

Of course one of them is spending one hour of quality time per week, painting, drawing, sculpting with play-doh, shooting hoops and playing board games.  All of these things I don't slow down enough at home to enjoy.  I love that I come home with glitter glue on my shirt sleeve or dried play-doh stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

And of course being a positive influence for a young girl, sharing one on one time, helping her to realize how special and important she is in this world feels amazing!

I was told by many that being a mentor would benefit the child immensely, but that it would change my life forever.  I experienced that on the first day of meeting her, I felt so blessed to have the time and opportunity to be a positive influence to a young girl, and the sense that greater changes are to come hasn't lessened at all.

Being a mentor to this young lady puts me in a space of extreme responsibility.  To myself.  Watching her interact with her sister and other kids reminds me of when I was that age.  Unsure of myself, quiet and accomodating.

A time when it wasn't odd to be called names, teased about my size and made to feel like a complete waste of earthly space.

When I see her reactions to certain people I can feel that emotion that lives inside of me.  That still scared little girl.  That little girl who is so afraid that someone will notice yet one more thing that is wrong with her.  Who feels obligated to nurture and please others before she nurtures herself (if nurturing herself was even an idea to be entertained in the first place).

That little girl scared to say what she really feels, afraid to lose the affection and 'love' of the people around her.

The self abuse, self judgement and self criticism inflicted on this inner child has left scars so big I'm surprised they can't be seen by the rest of the world.  Except, if I really honest about it, they can be seen if you're looking close enough.

They can be seen in the way I disconnect when I feel someone getting too close.  I'd rather be alone than run the risk of failing someone and losing their love.  They can be seen in my need to be perfect, maybe not so much in the cleanliness of my home anymore, but definitely in other areas of my life.  These scars affect my weight and eating habits too.

This mentoring role seems to be shining a spotlight on the things I thought I had handled pretty nicely at the time, but that I'm finding I had just put into a closet and walked away from.  It's helping me understand more deeply what makes me tick and how much more I need to forgive myself than anyone else.

So it's true.  Becoming a mentor will most likely change my life more than it will change the child's life. 

Because, it already has.

There's Kryptonite in my underpants!

This has been ONE OF THOSE WEEKS!!!

No, my house isn't floating down my street and my basement hasn't flooded (knock on wood).

No, I'm not starving and neither are my children.

And no, I haven't lost my job (I might if I actually had one though).

I have a great life really.

But there are weeks when it feels like my arch nemesis has dropped kryptonite down my pants.  Confused?  You'll need to read my last blog post.  And this has definitely been one of them.

Okay, maybe kryptonite in my underpants is a little extreme, but I'm trying to get a point across here....

Seriously, I feel like all my super human powers that I possessed just weeks ago have been annihilated by the one thing that weakens my defenses...  Self doubt!

Self doubt is my kryptonite.  It makes me forget who I am, makes me lose focus and clouds my judgement.

Self doubt totally sucks and I've noticed it's getting way more sly than it ever used to be.  Sneaking up on you wearing that invisible cloak until BAM! it knocks you out!

I'm working on mixing some special ingredients to reverse the effects of self doubt.

If I mix in just the right amount of quiet 'just for me' time with a handful of talking with a trusted friend.  Throw in a bit of doing something good for someone else and wham bam thank you ma'am you've got a recipe for disabling the self doubt kryptonite.

PS - my cape is STILL in the laundry.  

A little faith

There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.   ~ Mohandas Gandhi

I am a quote-a-holic.

Quotes perk me up the way little blue pills................well......you get the picture.

The above quote is a great reminder for me today. 

I didn't sleep well last night at all.  My dreams were all over the place (as they have been for quite some time now) and I found myself in that crazy place where you are aware that you are dreaming and you want to do something about what you are seeing but you can't because you are really asleep.... 

So all night it felt like I was trying to put out fires, or at least create a change in what was happening only to find that I could make no difference at all.  I woke up feeling helpless and hopeless, insignificant.

And then I found this quote this morning.  Aha!

Last nights crazy dream situation reflects how I've been feeling in my waking hours these days.  I can see relationships ending and circumstances in my life changing (drastically!) and even though this is all familiar territory, I have been worrying about it incessantly!  Trying to find the logical explanation (is there one?) and trying to find a solution that keeps everything fine and dandy.

If I'm being honest with myself, I have no control over any of this, whatsoever!  I didn't put these balls into motion, they just started rolling and here I am on the sidelines watching it happen feeling hopeless, helpless and insignificant.

That's my real problem.  I've expected myself to know what to do and to fix it.  I've had no faith in the flow of life and I'm exhausted from trying to keep up!  There's a picture.  I'm trying to keep up with God's plans for me instead of allowing that energy to lift me up to the place I need to be.  It inevitably always does!

Last night I went to bed looking forward to the sun rising.  And now I know why.  Somewhere in my being I knew that clarity would come by sunrise.  And it did.

Today I have the opportunity to let go.  Now that I can see where it is I was resisting, I can loosen my grasp and relax a little knowing that in the end all I need is a little faith.








 

Top Secret Information Revealed!

How many people do you know think that happiness, success and a life full of bliss are out of their reach and control?

How many of these people believe that the ingredient to having all of these things is top secret and is only revealed to those worthy of the information?

Are you one of these people?

While life has us running around like mice in a science experiment, we are missing the fact that the top secret ingredient we all need to make life much more pleasant is simple and it's right beneath our noses!

While I was on vacation this summer I found my mind wandering on the usual things...  What am I doing here?  What do I want to accomplish with my personal life, my business life?  Who do I think I am?  How can I get more more more! 

I feel out of breath just thinking about these things!

As these thoughts flowed, a message kept popping in...  Well, it was more like a word.

Kindness.

Kindness.  What am I doing here?  Being kind.  What do I want to accomplish?  Be kind.  Who do I think I am?  Kind.  How can I get more?  Be kind.

When I began to answer all the 'pressing' questions that came to my mind with the variations of the word 'kind' I began to see how simple it all is.

Kindness leads to love.  Automatically.  No strings attached, no hard work, no mind numbing palms sweating dedication.  Just a simple act of kindness can pull everyone around you out of a pit of despair.

This is typical 'self help' stuff.  And if you're like me you read 'self help' stuff about kindness and love and peacefulness and you think big (aka the little stuff doesn't matter or you have to be a monk living on the mountain to achieve it), how can I make a 'big' difference?  Then, rather quickly I might add that energy fizzles because either I feel 'too small' or 'too poor' or 'too' something or other and my thoughts of big die just as quickly as they were born.

But kindness is the stuff dreams are made of!  Kindness comes in a beautifully wrapped trinket box, no bigger than your hand (easy to travel with and even easier to give).  And the minute the bow is removed from the lid....

SHAZAM!

Kindness explodes and sparkles of light touch everyone around you!  Kindness turns a miserable day into a bright one.  Kindness can pull someone from the brink of ending their life.  Kindness can give someone the strength they need to take one more step towards freedom!  Kindness can do anything you want it to do.

Don't kid yourself that, that smile you give to the girl that makes your coffee every morning doesn't affect change.  It does!

Don't negate that you holding the door for an elderly person doesn't give them hope.  You may be the only person that has even acknowledged their existence that day!

Don't poo poo a listening ear or a card of appreciation sent in the mail.

All of these things can change a life!  And it will change your life too!

What comes next....

Last night's emotional explosion allowed me to release a ton of pent up energy, but at the expense of my family, their friends and their carefree Sunday evening plans.

So what comes next?

I went to bed last night in tears hoping for a good nights sleep and a better morning.

This morning the sun is shining, I'm feeling really groggy; emotional explosions tend to make me feel hung over and drowsy the next day and I have my apology all thought out.

The apology part is really important for me.  I know I behaved badly (like a 3 year old deciding a temper tantrum might get her the toy she really really wants) and after a nights sleep I can see that my feelings of inappreciation and disrespect were off the mark and my mental/physical exhaustion was what prompted me to feel that way in the first place.

Plus, my imagination had convinced me that the ongoings of my family yesterday were all a conspiracy to drive me off the deep end.  Oh that silly imagination!

The truth is I set myself up for this meltdown all week, running here and there, meeting deadlines, filling my mind with moments other than the one I was in, spreading myself too thin with each moment adding to the ticking time bomb that was developing inside of me.

So why apologize to the kids?  Won't that make me look weak?  Won't that make me look wrong?

Um, no.  To both of those.

Apologizing to our kids when we feel remorseful about what's transpired shows them how to do the same in similar circumstances.  It shows them that we are humans too and that we're learning as we go and sometimes we do things we have to apologize for.  It gives us an opportunity to sit down and talk with our kids about our feelings, to bring about greater understanding of what just happened.

Admitting we made a mistake or that we were wrong brings us closer to our kids.  It doesn't give them some invisible power over us, rather it empowers them to take responsibility for their actions when the time comes.

So don't hold back on the apologies when it comes to your kids.  Let them see your humanness, let them see that you can make a mistake but that you know how to correct it and make it right again.  It might just bring you closer together.  Imagine that!

If you want something you've never had....

Do something you've never done....

This is one of my all time favourite quotes!  I was reminded of it this afternoon while speaking with a client.

We are all striving towards healthier relationships.  We all just want to be happy and accepted.  We all just want to be loved and appreciated.  Am I right?

So what if your relationships don't look like that?  Maybe some do, but some don't.  Maybe all of them are pretty equal but could use a little boost.

Well then, you might want to try something you've never done before.

Years ago I heard a woman speak about relationships and about affecting change through what she called "energy bank accounts".

The idea was to fill other people's energy bank accounts with positivity and love instead of anger, jealousy, etc.

A simple yet powerful idea that many of us don't even know we are doing each day.

How many of us become miserable when we are around a chronic complainer?  How many of us become enthusiastic about life when we spend time with an optimistic person with a positive, bright outlook on life?  This is energy at work.  The energy we put out makes a huge difference on the people in our lives!

It was during the time that I heard this speech that I was experiencing lots of negativity in my marriage.  My husband wasn't happy with his work and found it difficult to turn the work stuff off once he was home.  After a while it became so that we just weren't that excited to see him at the end of the day, it was affecting our relationship and his relationship with our children.  I had to do something and I remembered the energy bank account.

I decided then that I would spend 5-10 minutes everyday thinking about my husband in a loving, encouraging and appreciative way.  This was at times very difficult as things were not good in our home at the time and there was little I felt I could appreciate about his presence in my life.  But still I would spend that time each day.

I noticed immediately that his attitude was more positive, upbeat and welcoming on the days I had spent that 5-10 minutes thinking of him in a positive light.  On the days that I forgot it was a totally different story.

I also noticed my attitude becoming more positive and loving towards him.  Even on the days he was cranky!

What I was doing was filling his energy bank account with positive energy and it was counterbalancing the negative energy he was receiving at work.

When we walk around all day with our energy bank accounts overflowing with negativity it is easy to attract chaos, turmoil and undesirable life circumstances.

When our energy bank accounts are filled with positive energy we are more likely to remain balanced and react to situations more peacefully.

What I believe happens is that as you are fillling someone else's energy account, you are also filling your own.  The more positive that goes in the more the negative is filtered out and the better you will feel.

Sometimes we complain to our friends about our kids, spouses, coworkers and employers without thinking about it, but this energy is being sent directly into that persons energy account to be used by them at the perfect moment.

Think of the worst day you've ever had.  Now picture yourself making energy withdrawals on that day, if you were already having a bad day and you had lots of negative deposits in your account, your energy would draw on that negativity because it would be a vibrational match to how you are feeling.  Now if you had been filling that account with positive energy you may have started your day on the wrong foot, but would quickly be able to balance it out and bring about the positive to make it much better because your bank account would have positive energy to draw upon.

Try it for yourself and see what kind of positive changes you can affect.

KISS

Keep It Simple Stupid!

As of 7pm last night this is my new mantra.

You might have read my previous post about losing my mind over lack of dinner ideas.

Just after I posted that blog, my son walked into the kitchen and said to me "I really would like spaghetti tonight Mom".  Okay then.  Problem solved.

I do this to myself WAY too often.  I (for reasons God only knows about) love to make things more complicated than they ever need to be.

From relationships to attending events to what to make for dinner it has become much too easy to jump off the serenity bridge and into the pit of hellish fire known as self inflicted stress.

For instance, this past weekend I had the option to attend a family function.  Instead of just asking myself what I wanted to do about whether to attend or not, my mind instantly ran off towards the 'should' department of life and started throwing out all sorts of reasons why I should attend because it would be nice of me to do so, or it would benefit my kids, or it would make other people happy/content. 

I analyzed the situation until it looked like a piece of roadkill that had been hit 100 times and finally concluded that I simply did not want to go.  That's it.  I did not WANT to go.  No reason why, no floundering for an excuse that would be acceptable to others. 

Why must we make everything more complicated than it has to be (or even more so than it sometimes already is)?  It certainly doesn't feel good to the body to do this.  It doesn't help you sleep at night or help you to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed.  So what is the real point?

Do you know that we would all have WAY more free time on our hands if we weren't so busy building mountains out of mole hills.

Imagine what you could do with all of that free time?  You could maybe paint your toenails, take in a movie or I don't know....ENJOY your LIFE!!!!

My point is that anything more than simple just isn't worth the energy.

Trust me, our body mind and spirit are screaming for a little more simple!

But don't take my word for it.  Try out the KISS approach for a week and see what happens. 

You really don't have anything to lose!

You are the Captain of your Relation-Ship!

I picked up a book off my bookshelf the other day called "Complaint Free Relationships" written by Will Bowen.

I purchased this book over a year ago and hadn't even opened it!

This weekend was a 'soul searching' weekend.  Nothing I had planned, it just sort of happened.

Anyway, I love how when you are ready to conquer a belief system, the tools and ideals magically appear in front of you. 

This book is one of those tools.

The book speaks about the state of our relationships with ourselves and others are based on perceptions in the mind.

This information isn't new to me, and at the same time it is!

Think about that person that you work with that you absolutely cannot stand.  Think about your thoughts while on your way to work.  What are they saying about this loathesome being?  I'm pretty sure they are not good thoughts.

If you are having nasty thoughts about this co-worker, then it shouldn't be a surprise to you when he/she behaves exactly as you expect them to behave.  Energetically, they are living up to your expectations.

Whoa!

Did you feel that shift?!?  I certainly did!

I spent some time yesterday releasing all sorts of people and the perceptions that I had held about them.

Often times we feel victimized.  We feel we've been done wrong at some point by the people in our lives.  We sit with that wrong doing and we review it daily, adding bits and pieces of things to the story that make it sound 'better'.  We do this for days, months and years.  The mind is loving this!

What we forget in the midst of all of this victimization behaviour is that we have all the power inside of us to change this situation.  It's a matter of making a choice.

Last night as I sat in meditation, my heart was filled with so much love and compassion for the people in my life whom I've filled my relation-ship with negative photos of.  I began to see myself taking down those photos & perceptions of them and revealed all sorts of wonderful memories and pictures that were hidden by the yucky ones I had placed on top of them.  What a relief I felt as I drifted off to sleep, knowing that those pictures were gone, that I had made a choice to make a change.

I have been holding onto some ugly, ugly perceptions of people.  Something I'm deciding to let go of.

All those perceptions do is make me feel sad, alone, frustrated and angry, which leads to behaviour I normally would not entertain!

This simple meditation has filled me with so much forgiveness.  Because in reality there is nothing to forgive, it was all made up in my mind!

The people involved in our victimization stories haven't done anything 'wrong'.  They haven't done anything TO us. 

We've done it to ourselves!

I'm a junkie...

I've kept it a secret for too long.

Been in the closet with the door locked, sitting in the dark wondering if I'd ever get the nerve to admit my addiction.

Today's the day.

I woke up this morning and realized I can't live with this lie any longer.

Here goes.

I am addicted to acceptance.

Whew.

I feel lighter already.

The problem with being addicted to acceptance is that the need is never really met.  The craving is so intense that you will do anything to get it!  The side affect of this addiction of course is that even the smallest amounts of outward acceptance cannot tame the need!  The more you receive acceptance from others the more you feel starved of it!

A never ending cycle.

Or is it?

Admitting this addiction has been a very big part of my personal growth process lately.  I've been watching myself in certain situations and noticing my reactions and feelings in moments of someone expressing their acceptance of me.

It feels good still, but it doesn't have the same hold on me that it used to.  What used to make me feel warm and fuzzy for days, quickly loses it's sparkly happiness and sends me into a place of questioning "If that person can so easily accept me, why can't I?"

This is where the junkie in me can step even further into the stronghold of the addiction or I can recognize that I'm no longer in need of outward acceptance and move forward.

I realize that what I truly want is the permanent high of self acceptance.  It's what I've been looking for all of this time, I was just going about it the 'wrong' way.  Or is that the 'right' way since eventually I got it!

What addiction have you been hiding?  How is it keeping you from moving forward? 

A Book Worth Reading

When my good facebook friend Ed McBeth announced the launch of his new book "How To Seduce Life", I thought to myself "now THIS is a book I want to read, in fact this is a book I would LOVE to do a review for".                                                                                                                   

Lucky for me Ed thought my offer to review was a good idea and sent me a copy of his 'baby' for me to read.

It's not often I get to read a 'self help' book that is honest, realistic and humourous.  Let's face it most self help authors are dry and all the advice they give is something most of us can't imagine doing for ourselves.

Guru Eduardo (Ed's pen name) tells it like it is in 'How To Seduce Life'.  He shares his wisdom and wise cracks and everytime I picked the book up it felt as though I had him right in my living room with me sharing a beer and a few laughs about life.

The timing of this literary gem couldn't have been better for me! 

Reading Guru Eduardo's tips on how to authentically seduce life has rekindled a passion in me for random acts of kindness and living a life full of fun!  Both of which I've been slacking on and really needed a kick in the pants...  Thanks Guru!

Guru Eduardo takes Dr. David Hawkins "Power vs. Force" to the next level.  Teaching you how to remain in a positive state of mind, avoid negative pitfalls and get what you truly want out of life!

'How To Seduce Life' is the everyday person's guide to being a success in the business of YOU.  It encourages you to look at life a little lot more on the light side, recognize and take action on the plethora of positive change opportunities that surround us every day and be an excellent role model for the people you interact with. 

The Guru writes about changing the world, love, fear, belief systems, super powers and so much more!

He 'gets real' with us about personal growth, you can feel the love that Ed has for life and for his readers.  I cannot remember ever reading a non-fiction/self help that is fun to read, gives you real life examples of how to get through challenges and encourages you to hone your silliness skills and to discover your super powers!

To say that I LOVE this book would be an understatement!

It will definitely be one of the few books on my shelf that I will refer to time and time again for a 'reality' check.

Thanks Ed for being so wise and for sharing that wisdom with the world!

BUY the book NOW and learn more about Guru Eduardo!  Visit www.howtoseducelife.info

Identity Theft

"Identity is theft of the self"  ~ Estee Martin

I love finding quotes like this.

So much is being said in so few words.  And for me, this quote nails it on the head (or bangs me on the head, whichever).

This past weekend I had the opportunity to sit with an intuitive and she offered me a message.  The message was "you are already so successful and there will be plenty more of that ahead".

I thought about this message for a while.  It made me happy (of course) and at the same time I questioned it. 

My bank account certainly does not scream SUCCESS.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my idea of success is so tightly wound up in my career choice and making money that it has become my identity.

This identity has brought me lots of stress.  It has put me in a place of panic and worry in some moments.

It's not all bad though, of course.  I love what I do, that's why I keep doing it!

What I have figured out though, is by attaching to this particular identity (or any identity for that matter), it takes me away from my self.  That true part of my being that wants to relax and enjoy the ride, not fret and worry about how many workshops I have planned or whether or not I will bring in some extra cashola for the family.

True success (and yes I have blogged about this many times before, somehow I think we all need a reminder today) comes from just being.  And I'm pretty good at being, except when I'm not.

Identifying strongly with an occupation, title or purpose has felt like someone stole my true identity, there have been moments of feeling a bit lost and confused, like someone erased my memory of who I was.

Do you ever feel like this?

This 'aha' moment has been like discovering the sacred 'reset' button of life.  It's brought me back to myself where I can check in and see where I need to let go of this identity a little bit (okay, a lot!), so that the real me can shine through, more brilliantly than usual.

Today, I adopt the motto "identification NOT required".  No more placing myself in a box with a label.  No more losing myself in what it is I 'do'.  It's time to lose myself in who it is I am 'being'.

Are you empowered?

The other day a search into some old emails for information I needed brought me to an article that was written about empowerment and what it means to be truly empowered.

Here's the part that really caught my attention:

"Your usual tendency is to try and help another person. If a person comes to you with a problem or a situation where they just need a little push, absolutely you are right there to help them to go in the direction that will be the highest for them.  What about true empowerment? What if you empowered that person so they could leave you? What if you empowered that person so they could go against the work that you were doing? How much do you trust humanity? How much do you trust your spirit?"
exerpt from Beacon's Lightworker newsletter

Wow!

I think this message is worth giving some thought to.

Most of us believe empowerment comes from keeping things to yourself.  That we will get further ahead if we keep what we know to ourselves.

Further along the article reads:

"If you trust the process, you will begin empowering everyone every chance you get because even if they leave you, even if they are not in your field, even if there is no connection whatsoever, that has changed your energy more than it has changed theirs. This is the key that most of you will find will bring you to that part you brought from Home, that piece of the puzzle that all of you have been looking for that you call your passion, your purpose, your intent and your path."
exerpt from Beacon's Lightworker newsletter


This is a great message!

I have always loved empowering others to do what I do and I couldn't always figure out why. 


There is an amazing feeling of joy that grows inside of me when I teach someone Reiki or how to trust their intuition or how to create art from the heart.  It makes me smile and do a happy dance when a student of mine has found their 'mojo' after spending an afternoon with me, empowering others is the ultimate high!
 
Go ahead, empower everyone around you!  Heck, teach them how to do just what you are doing in your business.  Give away all your trade secrets (they aren't yours anyway).  Give away your ideas (again, not yours).  Give away your art and teaching techniques.  Give it all away, feel the freedom and pleasure in doing so and bask in the empowerment that comes to you through this act of giving from the heart and soul.
 
You won't regret it....  I promise you that!