It must have been about two years ago now. I was sitting in a coffee shop with a dear friend and she was telling me that she was at her wits end with her sons behaviour. This was something she had been dealing with for many years and it seemed she had come to a point where it seemed she just couldn't do it anymore.
She asked if I had any advice. I did (don't I always?). I asked her if she could love him just the way he is. All he needed is her love and her approval; would she be able to give him that in the circumstances they were in? She left that coffee date feeling much better about her situation. There wasn't any magic pill or technique that she needed. She didn't need to pay thousands of dollars to an 'expert'. All she needed to do was love her son.
I was reminded of this conversation last night and it brought me back to the realization that all any of us really needs is love. A great reminder for anyone struggling right now.
What makes life interesting is when we decide the only love we need is the love from someone outside of ourselves and if we can't get that love then we must not be worthy of love at all.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
The truth is that we embody the love that we seek and NOTHING changes that. Not a break up or a rejection can take the love that lives within you away from you!
What I've learned in the past is that when someone has rejected me it hasn't been about 'me' at all. It's been about them. There was something inside of them that brought them to reject me. I was being myself. Which is all any of us can do in any relationship. If being yourself makes someone respond with rejection (or anything else that doesn't resemble love) then they aren't worth your time and effort (in my humble opinion).
I can't tell you how many times I have put on my circus clothes for another person. I would become master of every disguise just trying to find the one disguise that would earn me some lovin'; whether it be from a boss, my spouse, a child, a parent or a friend; I was willing to put who I was aside in order to become the person someone else would have liked me to be instead. The trick is that person you are trying to please doesn't even know themselves, so how can they possibly know you?
This was the conversation topic as my husband and I walked the dog last night. We spoke about relationships and how frustrating it can be to try and appease everyone. We discussed how we could shift those relationships and at that moment I was reminded of the story I started this post with. I remembered that in order to shift the circumstances of her sons behaviour, all my friend had to do was simply and profoundly love her son. It gave her new eyes with which to see her little boy.
I think that's all there is to it folks. I think that anytime you are in a situation where you are feeling like you are part of some invisible fight for love (and any struggle of any kind is a fight for love); just be the love that you seek. This isn't about being right or being the more 'spiritual' one (whatever that means!); this is about being love and giving that love to those in your life who need it the most. In giving it away you end up having more! TA-DA!