Tuesday, February 28, 2012

It's okay to change your mind....really.

So these past two weeks have been filled with 'aha' moments, deep emotion and realizations that I had been ignoring and lying to myself about.

Not long ago I announced that I was done with my 'distractions' (aka artwork, intuitive development, healing, etc.) and I was heading full force into my family coaching business.

That decision felt good for about 24 hours.

Then I started to feel like something wasn't right.  Like I had just stepped off my path and was heading in a completely different direction without a map or a compass.

This is where I felt like I was standing at a fork in the road.

I had denounced my natural talents and gifts in exchange for taking on a coaching business that once I got honest with myself realized I didn't truly love.  Well, not the way I love my healing art.

I have been taking life so seriously that I actually thought that putting my art, healing and intuitive development stuff in the closet would make me more focused on what was 'more important'.  Until a coach asked me this question:  What if the things you call 'distractions' are really things that God wants you to pursue as a way to heal others? 

Holy shit!

For me family relationship coaching is more about what I've accomplished in my own family and has brought me deep satisfaction.  It's not about what I can teach other parents.  It's about what I can provide as an example for those who want something different in their own family relationships.  It has nothing to do with coaching other parents.

And do I feel like a fool for announcing stuff that I now have no plans on moving forward with?  Sure.  Who wouldn't.  In the moment that I was so excited and feeling like I had finally made the right decision for me I just had to share it.  That's what I do here.  And my change of heart or better yet 'awakening to the truth' has been excruciating in moments.  What I thought I was, who I thought I needed to be; I'm not.

In fact, I still don't know for sure what I'm doing.  That's the truth!  And I'm sure it will always be the truth.

What I do know about me is I love the feeling of handing over a piece of personal artwork to a client, I love the reaction and feedback I get from those who receive them as gifts.  I love offering my knowledge on positive parenting, intuition and personal development, I love to be a helping hand in someone's healing process. 

I love to do whatever it is I am doing in the moment whether I am showing a youth group how powerful their thoughts are, sitting quietly at my art desk connecting to a clients energy so I can draw something inspirational for them or vacuuming the floor for the third time in a week.

I know there are many people struggling with their purpose on this planet.  There are many who aren't making life changing decisions for fear of looking stupid or of changing their minds one more time. 

I had to get real with myself.  I wasn't happy.  I couldn't answer "what does your perfect day look like" without wincing because I thought my answer had to include one on one coaching so that others would think I knew what I was doing.  LMFAO!

If I'm going to be honest though, had I not done what I did.  Had I not announced my commitment to coaching families I wouldn't be standing here today feeling more alive and free than I've felt in a very very very long time. 

And at the end of the day THAT is what is most important.

Monday, February 27, 2012


It's so very easy to be bestie's with a 9 year old girl.

She doesn't care if my hair is a mess or if my clothes even match.

She'll tell me that I look tired and then convince me to run an obstacle course with her 5 times!

She asks about my boys and which Disney princess is my favourite.

She shares her dream of one day being in charge of all the money that McDonalds makes.

She tells me I'm her best friend as she hands me the cupcake she decorated for me.

Her only expectation of me is that I show up every Monday for an hour to play and laugh.

Sometimes, I imagine that she is me. 

That her only requirement is to be accepted.

Somewhere inside of me is this girl who doesn't care if her hair is a mess or that her clothes don't match.  A girl who despite being exhausted from a day of running errands and doing everyone's laundry can still find the time and energy to run and play.  A girl who knows that she is her own best friend and that she will still be loved if she ate all the cupcakes.

Somewhere inside of me is this girl and I long to let her out and BE.

Being best friends with a 9 year old girl is easy. 

Being best friends with yourself.

Not so much.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Try Being the Observer...

Have you ever tried being somewhere else when you were right where you are?

You may have to read that a couple of times, it's a tongue twisting brain melter of a question.

I experienced this yesterday as I was laying down for a nap.

You see, yesterday was family day.  And it was a gorgeous weather day.  And my house was a mess.  And the dog needed to be walked.  And Ben wanted to go to the mall and 'hang out' or go to the movies and 'hang out'.  And the list goes on and on and on.

The challenge?  I was pooped out and literally felt like if I didn't lay down I would fall flat on my face!

Now, usually I push through this fatigue.  Throw an extra load of laundry in, get the dog out for her walk, take the boy to do whatever it is he wants to do and figure out what to make for dinner hoping to make it to 9pm without falling asleep in my plate of food!

Yesterday was different.  Yesterday I allowed myself an hour of rest time.  Well, it would have been restful had my mind not been juggling all of the things I needed to be doing instead of resting!

As I laid in bed I watched the thoughts swirl, I felt my stomach clench and my heart start to race.

Have you ever been the observer when your mind and body are duelling?

It's quite an incredible thing to witness.

Nowhere had my rational mind given permission to engage in this inner struggle.  In fact my breath was even and deep, I was clearly in a space of observation. 

My subconscious wanted me to stop being so lazy and my rational mind knew I needed to be resting, it felt good to my body to be laying down, snuggled under the warm blankets.  But my subconscious mind was having a hissy fit, the beliefs that are held in my subconscious were telling my body that this is not right, get up and do SOMETHING! ANYTHING!  For God's sake before the world falls apart and your children think you don't love them enough to take them to the mall on Family Day!!!!!

You think this is an exaggeration?  Tell that to my heart!  It was going a mile a minute, like it was up and running a marathon instead of relaxing and resting in a safe cozy place.

In 2.2 seconds my body was in stress mode and any hopes of getting a little snooze were called off. 

My subconscious mind wanted me to be in a place other than where I was and my body was struggling with that expectation because it wasn't happening.

This happens to us all the time without us even knowing what is going on!  Nine times out of ten we are running around blind to the fact that we are being controlled by our crazy subconscious beliefs about who we need to be, where we need to be and how we need to be getting there!

Try being the observer the next time you find yourself in the middle of this inner struggle.  It's worth it to see how incredibly powerful the subconscious is at controlling our every move.

Then once you have observed.  Let it go!  Or better yet, tell your subconscious to beat it!  No one likes an exaggerater!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Parenting gone wrong.....

So I guess I wasn't on the planet when the news came out about the 'redneck' dad who shot his daughters laptop for a post she made about how fed up she is with doing chores. 

I hadn't heard about it at all until today when a friend wondered why I hadn't blogged about it yet and wanted to know what I thought about the issue.

This stuff fires me up!

For those of you who were away on vacation with me while this was going down.  A father was fixing his daughters laptop (he's an IT guy) and upgrading software when he hacked into her facebook and found that she wrote a lengthy note about how she was overworked and underappreciated (though she worded it quite a bit more brightly than I am here) in her home and she was sick and tired of doing everything for her parents.

There are so many levels of wrong in this little story that it makes my head spin. 

First, I don't know a fifteen year old on the planet that at one time or another hasn't had a beef with their parents.  (note to parents; don't take everything your kids say to you or about you seriously).

Secondly, a gun?  Really?

Third, you just posted a video on YouTube of yourself shooting your daughters laptop as a consequence of her sensationalizing her family relationship and exposing your 'secrets'.  Hmmm, I wonder where she got the idea that that was appropriate behaviour?

Let's review.  Teenagers have not yet developed the prefrontal cortex, this is the part of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions.  So any extreme consequence will most likely result in another facebook post about how fucked up her dad is.  I wonder if he bought more bullets?

I know we all have opinions about how we need to parent our children and one way is not necessarily better or more right than another because we need to address situations individually as they pertain to our family.  However, I have to say that if this parent is willing to get 'fired up' (no pun intended) about a facebook note that most likely only her friends saw what else is he willing to lose his cool over?

What he did was react emotionally without really thinking about where those emotions were coming from.  He obviously doesn't like being disrespected and I have to say neither do I.  Though I've never thought to use a gun on the XBOX when I've been frustrated to gain my child's respect.

It makes me wonder how different this situation could be and how different this girls future would look if instead dad sat her down and spoke to her about how it made him feel and how much he would prefer it if she came to him directly if she was feeling this way.

Oh yes!  You parents who think this is the fluffy, sucky baby way to parent are going to have a BIG problem with that.  But let's be honest here, if you are trying to prepare your child for what you call the 'real world' you must know by now that managers, heads of companies and employers DO NOT shoot computers to gain their employees respect!  You HAVE NOT prepared your child for the real world if you are using corporal punishment to get them to obey you! 

If you want someone in your life that will obey your every word, get a robot.

Yesterday's post addressed the 'monkey see, monkey do' aspect of parenting.  If you want something different from your kids, do something different for you.  If you want respect, show respect.  If you want a facebook note that says how appreciated you are for the love you give, then it might be a good idea to abandon the thought that using a gun and videotaping a consequence is appropriate.

Have you heard the quote "how you do anything is how you do everything"?

In this case, I'd be hardpressed to see why this dad shouldn't be investigated for his behaviour since afterall his prefrontal cortex has been developed for some time now.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Monkey See, Monkey Do!

Everything you do, say and think as a parent has a tremendous effect on your child.

I’m sure you’ve heard that before.

If you have a low self esteem, your child will develop that same low self esteem.

It’s been scientifically proven that children who grow up in a home where addictions are present are more likely to adopt addictive behaviours as well.

The same is true if you have a positive, upbeat attitude. Your child will adopt this as well.

My husband and I talk a lot about this in our home.

How does what I am doing and who I am being in the moment affect my boys?

What am I teaching them when I lose my cool or talk poorly about myself?

Can I empower my children to be the best they can be when I settle for the leftovers that life hands out?

My point is that your child learns the most from observing you.

You cannot teach a child how to stand up against a bully if you yourself are being bullied by someone in your life.

I like to remind my clients that their children are reflections of themselves. Our children will show us exactly where we need to do a little tweaking on ourselves. Everytime! They are generous that way.

I need to remind myself constantly of this. As a human being there are lots of things that trigger emotions or keep me from being more present with my kids.

The key is to become more aware of how much time is being spent in being emotionally triggered as opposed to maintaining rational thinking and positivity. The more you keep track of the kind of behaviour you exhibit that is sure to drive you nuts in your own child the more you will naturally shift to what feels better and what will translate into calmer, happier behaviour in your child.

Because just like the old saying goes ‘Monkey See, Monkey Do”.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Pursuit of Happiness

I'm content.

I don't need anything more than what I have right now in this moment.

Everytime I think about my husband, children and friends I feel full, complete and loved.

If I never do another thing in my life I will be happy.

If I get to sit all day and stare at walls I will be happy.

If I never get to travel, never get to drive a fancy car and never get to live on the water of Georgian Bay I will be happy.

This is where I am right now.

And I have no idea how I got here.

We've been lead to believe that happiness is marked by fireworks and grandiose 'aha' moments.

It's not.

In fact, being in this space is hard to verbalize to others.  Where do I begin with the story of my happiness when I don't know how I came upon it in the first place?

Who can understand that I have goals and dreams, and yet in this moment if none of them came to be that would be just fine? 

I mean, that's not how things go on this planet!  We are supposed to be striving towards something bigger and better than our now moment, not sitting happily sipping tea and watching the wind blow the leaves around the yard.

My friend Heather was asking me this morning what my heart desires. 

My answer was 'nothing'.  It desires nothing.  And at the moment I spoke those words I realized how frightened I am of that statement. 

Nothing is desired.


I mean what do I DO with myself if my heart desires nothing?

Nobody teaches you this stuff.  Everyone teaches how to GET happiness.  How to GET what you want.  Nobody tells you what to do when you have reached a space of happiness that is so amazing you cannot stop yourself from smiling at the piles of laundry and dried bits of egg on the stove top like a crazy lady!

I'll keep you posted.....