tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43508111493378168002024-03-13T14:21:47.977-04:00My State of BeingWherever I go... There I am....Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.comBlogger416125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-67126209639416729602015-06-20T12:15:00.001-04:002015-06-20T12:16:57.914-04:00Thirty Days<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
**Disclaimer: This post is about sex. FYI: I have permission to write about this from my hubby. He feels it's important to spread the word in order to help others. What a nice guy!**<br />
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A few months ago I stumbled upon a woman by the name of <a href="http://kimanami.com/" target="_blank">Kim Anami</a>. Kim is a sex coach. Her mind is wide open and she's on a mission is to save the planet by teaching us that great sex is a gift we give eachother and the world.<br />
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I've watched all of her videos numerous times and have turned hubby on (no pun intended) to the information as well. He loves her candid approach and her step by step techniques to mastering the art of pleasure.<br />
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One challenge that Kim suggests is 30 days of sexual intimacy. It could be sex with a partner or sex with yourself. It doesn't matter who is doing the pleasuring just as long as you are engaging and allowing yourself to receive pleasure. She also suggests that it not be quickie sex; she is adamant that you take the time to have what she calls 'gourmet sex'. To really dive in and appreciate the experience. I approached hubby about doing the challenge and gratefully he was up for it (omg the puns are everywhere!).<br />
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The best part about the 30 day challenge was the commitment we were making to eachother. No cop outs. No "I've got a headache" or "I'm too tired". We knew that sometime during the day there was going to be sex without excuses and that knowledge seemed to be very comforting. It seemed to take the fear of rejection out of the equation.<br />
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Not only was I eager to rekindle the intimacy in our lives by committing to this challenge; I was anxious to experience pleasure daily and see where the experience would take me.<br />
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For years hubby has dealt with my sexual rejection and until we were smack dab in the middle of that 30 days I had no idea how much damage we had allowed to accumulate over the years. Both of us had ingrained expectations and fears; as well we had basically shut off our pleasure zones to avoid more rejection and disappointment. Before this challenge I would describe our sex life as non-existent. It was one of those things that got put at the bottom of the list of things to do and was usually reserved for special occasions (like the good china). I rarely experienced orgasm (I realized that is because I had no muscle tone in my vaginal walls - no muscle tone equals no feeling!) and felt like it was something I had to do to be a good wife. I tell you this because it's important for you to know that if I can do this so can you!<br />
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For 30 days there was fun and enjoyment; there were also tears and warm, tender embraces. We talked for hours about things we've NEVER talked about. We healed so much in that 30 days of consistent intimacy! It's been nothing short of miraculous in my opinion.<br />
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There are <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1xD43P62Ro" target="_blank">physical and mental benefits</a> to this challenge. It's not just about the pleasure; though I think that's enough of a reason all on it's own. Receiving pleasure daily has created a sense of calm in my mind and body. I no longer have lower back and hip pain and stiffness. I am happier and more patient. I laugh more. I am in love with my body and feel like I've lost weight even though the numbers on the scale haven't changed. I feel like I'm 17 again. I have more vitality and I am open to new experiences. I make decisions more clearly and easily.<br />
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As anyone knows, 30 days of consistent action of any kind creates a habit. This challenge will set you up for a life of consistent, lovely, enjoyable intimacy. It will demand that you continue to receive and give pleasure as you were always meant to do. It will beg you to keep opening to a deeper understanding of who you are and what you are capable of.<br />
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Knowledge is power! <br />
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No matter where you are at in your sex life; whether you are single, married or dating; consider opening yourself up a bit to exploring Kim's (or an equally fabulous sex coach) website. She's got a ton of free information and lots of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1xD43P62Ro" target="_blank">YouTube videos</a> for you to enjoy. I'll warn you she is raw and real. She holds nothing back.<br />
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So I will leave you with that for now. There is more information to come. I've discovered many interesting things about sex that we weren't taught growing up that have really helped me understand my sexuality.<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-21184505780718101772015-03-19T07:44:00.002-04:002015-03-19T08:04:00.719-04:00Reminded<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've been grieving this week for a family who lost their son, grandson and nephew. A precious boy who was of this earth a short 20 months and whose life was taken 'much too soon' as they say.<br />
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And this entire week I've been feeling a knot in my stomach. Much too soon. His poor family. His poor mommy and daddy. There's nothing I can do for them. I prayed and prayed and prayed for a resolution in my heart and up until last night I was still feeling like God and I needed to sit down for a long chat together. I just couldn't shake the knot and I knew there was something I was missing in order to move the energy and find peace.</div>
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I suppose it was that God decided to visit while I was delivering my son's newspaper route before sunrise this morning. I've come to enjoy that hour in the morning when only the birds are awake and the sound of their singing is all you can hear. As I was walking and thinking and remembering. I was considering grief and wondering if it really ever ends or if you just get used to living with it lurking inside of you. I was thinking about my own losses and how the loss of this little boy has opened up the scabby wounds I've been putting bandaids on for all these years hoping they would just heal and go away.</div>
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Then it hit me. The sudden remembrance of something I've known for a long time but couldn't seem to access (maybe those scabby wounds were preventing it). I remembered what someone shared with me many, many years ago about her own beliefs surrounding death. She told me her belief was that Souls come here to learn and experience new things. They are only here until they have learned what they came to learn and do what they came to do and then they exit this life. The younger the person who has passed on, the less time it has taken them to achieve what they came to achieve.</div>
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This mornings remembrance opened the flood gates and I found myself delivering the last of the newspapers in tears. It felt a little like a great burden had been lifted from my shoulders and the knot in my stomach was instantly gone. I remember that this belief made so much sense to me when it was shared at the time and it helped me in the moments when my own grief seemed too much to bear. The knowing of it doesn't take away the grief or the sadness of losing someone special and precious of course. It can however soothe the sense of responsibility or guilt or regret. Many things that come with loss.</div>
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As I walked back home this morning I sent up congratulations to the brave Soul who came, learned and left. This made me cry even more but in a different way; with a sense of relief. </div>
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-55233601308629901502015-03-15T15:49:00.000-04:002015-03-21T16:32:14.127-04:00Receiving (and Accepting) Pleasure<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
**Disclaimer. This post is about sex. Or to be more accurate; the lack thereof and the desire to have more sex. If you are sensitive to this subject do not read further.**<br />
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So as I am preparing for bed last night I decided to click on <a href="http://bit.ly/1HCxRn9" target="_blank">Dr. Christiane Northrup's latest video</a>.<br />
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In the video she outlines 6 secrets to a healthy and more satisfying sex life.<br />
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Hmmm....<br />
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With my 2015 need to find my sexual self (it's been MIA for well over a decade); I eagerly clicked on the video to learn something new. What happened though was I discovered something entirely different. All of what Dr. Northrup discusses in her video are things that I know. I mean I know I know. I've read the books and seen the movies. I know this stuff. So why am I not having the best sex of my life?<br />
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Receiving.<br />
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That's the problem. It's not that I can't have the best sex of my life, it's that I'm not WILLING to have the best sex of my life. "Why on earth would you not be willing?" you might ask. Well. I don't really have the concrete answer to that one......yet. But I will tell you that I know it's has something to do with my beliefs and thoughts surrounding sex.<br />
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Dr. Northrup discusses the very real impact that our thoughts and beliefs have on our lives. Including our sex lives. For instance, not long into my marriage with my husband we (naturally?) began to have less sex. Maybe it was the kids; maybe it was boredom; maybe it was that we were taking advantage of the other person always being there. Whatever the reason, we just weren't getting it on the way we used to. I suppose one day he was sharing his frustrations or maybe asking advice from my dad (yes I know what you are thinking - he asked your dad about your sex life? Ewwww..... Look, he and my dad were best friends WAY before I entered the scene; so get over it). Anyhoo. My dads response to this inquiry was that I must be just like my mother.<br />
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I love my mother dearly and we have many things in common; it didn't sound as though this was meant as a compliment. And I think this excuse of my dads was a cop out as to why they may not have been having the greatest sex of their lives; but still. My parents were also separated and I don't recall any real lovey dovey stuff happening in the kitchen as a kid if you know what I mean. So immediately I took that comment as a knock out to my libido; and to be honest there were other beliefs in the way as well. But it hasn't really regained consciousness since.<br />
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Which leads me to my 2015 revival *wink*.<br />
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So watching Dr. Northrups video made me realize that what is really happening with my libido is that I'm not willing to receive. I have trouble receiving and accepting pleasure.<br />
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Remember back in the day (okay it maybe still exists today) when girls that were assumed to like sex were labelled 'sluts' and 'whores'? I even had a friend tell me that women who have great sex and like it are control freaks. Our perception of a great sex life is just a little fucked up. And my brain is all over that fucked-up-ness.<br />
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All of this shit in my brain is bumping up against my acceptance of pleasure. My brain is basically telling my body 'no go sister; you know what they'll say about you if you like it'. Despite the fact that I am now 42 years old; married for something like 24 years and happy damnit!<br />
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So this morning during our Sunday morning romp I decided to take Dr. Northrups advice and allow myself to RECEIVE THE DAMN PLEASURE!!! While it didn't have the lightning strike, fireworks effect that I was expecting (I have high expectations for myself in case you hadn't noticed); it did definitely wake up parts of my brain and body that had been shut down for far too long.<br />
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So why am I telling you this? Cause I KNOW I am not alone. I know that women all over the world are like 'meh' when it comes to sex or you need at least three glasses of wine to let things loose and enjoy yourself (ahem, speaking from experience). The best sex of my life happens when I'm staying in a motel room 10 hours from home on a 'parents only' trip; eating out and not having to pick up after or feed anybody. That's my idea of foreplay!<br />
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So while I'm not completely out of the woods so to speak with regards to my libido. It is definitely peaking around the tree and that in itself is freaking miracle!<br />
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So if you want a rocking sex life you may have to stop blaming your partner for not knowing where to touch you and start touching yourself or at least admit that you may be putting up the walls and slamming on the brakes because you simply don't think you deserve to receive pleasure. Either way you're a winner!<br />
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You're welcome ;)<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-13586462974551578182015-03-01T16:01:00.003-05:002015-03-01T16:01:58.208-05:00Tea With The Queen<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
If I could have tea with anyone in the world who would I pick?<div>
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The Queen.</div>
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Not the Queen of England though. The Queen of Me.</div>
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That part of myself that's been locked in a cage for decades. The part of me I have denied and whom I now realize has all of the answers I need in order to feel complete. If only I knew where I put the key to that damn cage!</div>
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This part of me knows how to be more sensual and eager for deeper intimate connections. She knows what it feels like to be in love and let that love light up the world. She knows how to sway as she walks gently and powerfully through life. She knows. She can help me. We need to have tea and chat.</div>
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I've come to a phase in my life where I feel I've lost all sense of the woman that I was...am...should be. I feel as though I have lost the essence of that womanhood.</div>
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And maybe I'm looking for something that doesn't exist. Maybe it's a simple matter of looking in the mirror and loving all that is there in front of me. On my best days I do and I can. It still feels as something is missing.</div>
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It feels as though there is a hollow space inside of me that is waiting to be inhabited.</div>
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This isn't the first time I've felt this way. Last time I didn't know what I was seeking. This time I know for sure. I know that I want to reclaim my womanhood (whatever that really means). I want to dance barefoot amongst the fireflies and feel my skirt brush against my bare legs when I twirl. I want to play with abandon and laugh. I want to laugh and sing and make love like there is nothing else in the world left to do.</div>
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<br />My husband is always telling me about the wonderful ways in which I am the perfect woman for him. </div>
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I tease that I think he's blind and deaf. It makes me cry. In these moments I feel as though I'm alone on an island and no one is looking for me. I feel as though I will starve to death in the waiting.</div>
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This morning I was sharing all of this with my husband. I was crying and telling him that I think I am afraid of the part of me that holds this power. What will happen when I unleash it? What will life look like? Will it be too much glorious life for me? Am I worthy of it?</div>
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Only time will tell. Though one thing is for sure. I am looking forward to answering those questions.</div>
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Now where did I put that damned key?</div>
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-90607702914610505282014-11-09T12:26:00.000-05:002014-11-09T12:45:41.692-05:00The Un-Mom<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've been contemplating changing the name of this blog to 'The UnMother' or 'How to UnMother your Children'.<br />
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Why?<br />
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Because most of the thoughts I have lately relate to unmothering my children. UnMothering is likely not a word or even a societal concept. It has become one in my household. After 20 years of mothering I have had enough. I'm done. Toast. Totally over it.<br />
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I've never considered my kids spoiled. If they have the latest gadgets it's because they paid it themselves. And still at the end of the day they lay around while I clean the house; leave dirty dishes on the counter and their dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. Normal kid stuff really.<br />
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There was one area of mothering where I finally snapped.<br />
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It happened about a month ago. After hearing "What's for dinner?" and "There's nothing to eat in this house!" for the millionth time in a week I realized I needed to make a change or heads were going to roll. I was (am) fed up with being the only person in the house that could see a full pantry and refrigerator.<br />
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My children all know how to cook for themselves and are quite creative when they need to be but unfortunately if food doesn't fly out of the cupboard and land on their plates ready to be devoured they just don't have it in them to bother.<br />
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This is where I decided to 'unmother' the food situation in the house.<br />
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I decided it was high time (my boys are ages 14, 17 & 20; perfectly capable and might I add old enough) that I put the responsibility on their shoulders to make sure there is always food in the house that they WILL eat.<br />
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Two weeks ago I handed each of my boys $40 in gift cards to a local grocery store to last them two weeks. The deal? Every two weeks they will receive $40 for groceries; they have to plan and budget and prepare what they purchase for themselves. I will still provide the necessities of course; bread, milk, cheese, eggs, crackers (basically ALL of the regular groceries I normally buy). I am no longer in charge of lunch foods and anything they would want to eat for dinner should they find themselves not liking what I've cooked for the family.<br />
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PS - I have never cooked separate meals for the boys. It's always been like it or lump it. We don't live in a fast food restaurant and yet they still have it in their heads that one of these days I will magically change my ways.<br />
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I'm pretty impressed with the way this 'unmothering' experiment has worked out actually. They get out the weekly flyers and look for things on sale. They get their own carts and shopping bags and set out in the store on their own in search of the things they want and need. Not once have I had to step in and give them more money. And I don't analyze what's in their carts either.<br />
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Today is grocery money day. They are patiently waiting to go grocery shopping tonight.<br />
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The youngest was actually excited to be learning how to budget his own money and being able to have control over what kinds of snacks to take in his lunch.<br />
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My husband had some reservations about this experiment. He thought they'd spend all of their money on crap food. They might. They have. I don't care. The release of stress from my life with regards to the food situation is totally worth it.<br />
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In two weeks I have not heard one "There's nothing to eat in this house".<br />
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That's blissful.<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-73194777400410635042014-09-20T14:30:00.002-04:002014-09-20T14:31:06.674-04:00Your Legacy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Years ago while enroute to our cottage with friends; their vehicle suddenly began experiencing some trouble along the highway. It just happened that we had stopped just past the cut off to my brothers home in Orillia. My brother also just happened to be apprenticing as a mechanic at the time; so we called him to see if he could help. He told us to have the tow truck (that was already on its way to us) drop the vehicle off at his shop and he'd take a look at it.<br />
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It turned out the issue wasn't a simple one to fix and parts needed to be ordered. We discussed how we were going to proceed with our trip without missing out. We only had a week to spend at the cottage and still had about 6-7 hours of travel time to get there. Out of the blue my brother offered his girlfriends car for the duration of our trip. He said he would see to it that the vehicle was ready to go by the time we were coming back through to head home. Since he and his girlfriend had two vehicles he figured it would work for them to share a car for a week in exchange for us not having to change our plans or miss our vacation altogether. I have no idea what kind of discussions went on during the week between he and his better half but I would imagine that the situation was worth it; my brother being kind hearted would have endured any amount of personal hardship for the sake of helping someone out.<br />
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We transferred our gear to the new ride and were on our way the next morning.<br />
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I was reminded of this story out of the blue the other day. It's not uncommon for me to think of my brother. I miss him very much.<br />
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The other night as I drove home from a meeting with a friend; she and I were recalling the generosity and kind heart of a friend who had passed earlier in the year. She was telling me that she will never forget the kindness of this man and his family in making her and her family feel at home in the community.<br />
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The story of my brother and the words of my friend recalling the kindness of another brought into the forefront of my mind what it means to leave a legacy behind.<br />
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I used to think that what I 'did' for a living would be what people remembered of me once I was gone. That somehow being a 'healer' or a 'life coach' was going to be the thing that set me apart in the world and would have people talking at my funeral. What I have learned (it seems to me this would have been a 'no-brainer' however....) and what I have come to believe is that whether or not you are the best lawyer, teacher, mother, friend, security guard, store clerk or garbage man; the only thing that you will be remembered for is whether or not you were kind.<br />
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Just once. To be kind just once means that you will be leaving behind a legacy. That one person, that one time will be enough to get you through the pearly gates without incident.<br />
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My husband remembers the apple pies that his grandmother used to make for him when he would visit her. He remembers these pies not only because they tasted good but because they were also baked with kindness in mind. <br />
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I remember stories of my father always helping people in moments of crisis. He always seemed to be in the 'right place at the right time'. He never hesitated. I know he is remembered for his kindness.<br />
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Our legacy. What we leave behind us is rooted in kindness. We live on in the memories and minds of others through our kind gestures. Whether they be random acts of kindness once in a while or whether we make kindness our religion; it will be enough to be remembered.</div>
Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-6335424863671620852014-09-06T16:39:00.000-04:002014-09-06T18:01:58.777-04:00Follow The Bliss...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
'Bliss'. <br />
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For a long time the sound of that word made me cringe. The mere mention of it on the lips of a self help guru would launch me into a panic and what at the time seemed like a never ending need to jump into every situation with both feet without thinking; for the sake of finding MY 'bliss'.<br />
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No matter how much I jumped, it seemed that 'bliss' was completely out of my reach.<br />
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I think back to those years and know that all of the time, effort and creativity was not wasted (nothing ever is). Instead I think of the invaluable gift of contrast that I received. Going through the motions for things that gave me little to no satisfaction so that I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt what it was that truly would give me satisfaction and purpose (when I found it).<br />
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Through my journey I have learned that everyone's bliss looks different. Each of our blissful states is as unique as our individual DNA. That what is blissful for one may certainly not be for the other. With social media being what it is; I believe it's highly likely that most of us at one time or another will look at another individual displaying their bliss filled lives for the entire world to see and wonder 'What is wrong with me?' or 'Why can't I be that happy'.<br />
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If you find yourself thinking those thoughts and you are anything like me you will immediately start a mental list of all of the things that are wrong with you. Once the list is complete you start looking for ways to prove to the Universe that you are worthy of the same level of bliss that everyone else on the planet seems to be experiencing.<br />
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This routine becomes painful (that's putting it mildly).<br />
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Bliss is defined as 'perfect happiness; great joy'. The trouble with this definition may be that our perception of what 'perfect happiness and great joy' is; is totally out of whack with reality.<br />
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We may have forgotten that perfect happiness and great joy comes from being present in the moment we are in. As you sit on your deck, sipping coffee; instead of looking at your tattered deck boards and wondering how on earth you will be able to afford a new deck. Allow yourself the pleasure of being present bringing your awareness to the feel of the breeze on your skin and the taste of coffee on your tongue. This is bliss.<br />
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I know this is bliss because I've experienced it. My life is far from perfect. I stumble and fall and more importantly get back up again. I am not perfectly happy (in that way that we perceive perfect happiness to be) in every moment. Though when I hang my laundry; pick the weeds from my garden or marvel at the improvement a coat of paint makes on a wall I feel warm inside. I feel blissful as though nothing in life could be better.<br />
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These moments that we are being summoned to acknowledge the gift of life; to find and follow our bliss. They are the simple moments filled with simple things. Helping a friend; preparing a healthy meal for your family and even standing up for yourself and taking time to nurture the precious gift that you are. These are where you will find your bliss if you allow yourself to.<br />
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And I promise you that once you find your bliss you will want to follow it everywhere.</div>
Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-31021157249891133412014-08-24T17:46:00.001-04:002014-08-24T17:46:34.183-04:00Old News<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I heard the news of Robin Williams death while I was on vacation.<br />
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Good people die when I'm on vacation. <br />
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I'll never forget hearing about Princess Diana's death; sitting by the front window in my father in laws cottage; rocking Evan to sleep. And it's not only 'celebrity' good people that die while I'm away. People I've known practically my whole life; people who have shaped me and nurtured me have all passed while I've been away. I've come almost to expect some kind of sad news.<br />
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The news of Robin Williams death was a shock. It's always a shock when someone takes their life. Immediately the news catapulted me to the moment I heard of my own brothers passing. I thought of Robins family and how they might be taking the news. Then my thoughts turned to how easy it was for him to be silly and cultivate laughs in others. He made it his lifes work to make others happy even and I'm guessing especially when he himself was having a hard time getting out of bed. I thought about what kind of pain that would cause someone. To be so good at providing laughter for others and yet not be able to find it for oneself.<br />
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All of this musing pointed me directly to the times in my own life where I've 'grinned and beared it' for the benefit of others. No one wants to hear MY complaints (my brain reasoned) after all hadn't I heard many people say in passing 'it doesn't do any good to complain? I've hidden my tears from my husband and sons on many occasions. The rare time that I let them fly and put my whole emotional self on display I felt ashamed; weak and afraid. If you read through our cottage journal you will read all about our fun times; not once will you read about the countless panic attacks that gripped me while we vacationed. No one wants to read that stuff.<br />
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But maybe we SHOULD read that stuff? Maybe I should put the 'truth' into that cottage journal. Right next to the 'Fish Tales' portion where we list who caught what and how big it was. Maybe I could dedicate a section of each visit to how many hours my panic attack lasted while we were on vacation? How many times I threw up or how many times I slept through most of the vacation because I was living on Gravol?<br />
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I think the only way to combat most mental illnesses like depression is if we talk about it. The fact is that life sucks sometimes; sometimes it's too much and we are mentally and physically exhausted just thinking about it or trying to figure it out. I think that's what is missing in society today; the ability to connect with others and have others help you in your time of need. I imagine a society where people are comfortable sharing their challenges with others and those others showing up with a casserole or an outing planned for the kids or even an afternoon in their schedule where they listen quietly while those who are challenged get to talk it all out. Unfortunately, we are more apt to look the other way hoping that whatever it is isn't contagious. God forbid something interrupt our own version of the perfect life.<br />
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I wasn't sure I was going to blog about this. I knew by the time I got to a computer enough time would have passed that Mr. Williams death would have been 'old' news. But I couldn't help but think about all of the people I know; myself included who deal with this everyday. All of the people I know who deal with the loss of a loved one to depression or other mental illness situations. So, whether it's old news or not and whether you've heard enough about this or not; here I am opening the wound again so that we can take another look at it.<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-37001343421894391542014-08-02T11:18:00.000-04:002014-08-02T11:18:12.521-04:00My Week of Manifestation<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This week I manifested some <br />
beautiful curtains for my cottage and a pair of Schwinn cruiser bikes for my hubby and I. AND I manifested them all while dealing with crazy emotional mood swings and generally not feeling 'good' at all.<div>
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For anyone, myself included who has ever listened to or read anything about manifestation you will know that we are told we have to be in a positive mind set that we have to be convince ourselves that what we want will appear when we are thinking of what we want to manifest.</div>
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I can tell you honestly that I did NONE of that.</div>
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The curtains arrived within a day or so of me laying in bed one night going through a list of things that might help me create a beautiful bedroom space in my cottage Up North. As I thought about changing the room; painting the walls and adding a piece of artwork I am creating just for that space I felt excited and anxious to get started. I didn't think specifically about the curtains. I didn't concern myself with what they were going to look like or where I was going to get them although I did mention to my husband that I would need to take some time to do some second hand store shopping to see if I could find what I was looking for and if I couldn't I had some curtains here already that might make the grade. Then I fell asleep.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghLoJB3t-0VqOQlSJMpJ5tgoy1tbhCO0BmT-PowSLy0vU-QYTAhbnmF4KcUdFNiNUPbMW8tB9NggPUaJijOL9p4NvrqZfTjjlW6arZQwUBVSTQWq8DY757X1kYOOzvSiydNkEq3cKPEzcR/s1600/IMG_2603.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghLoJB3t-0VqOQlSJMpJ5tgoy1tbhCO0BmT-PowSLy0vU-QYTAhbnmF4KcUdFNiNUPbMW8tB9NggPUaJijOL9p4NvrqZfTjjlW6arZQwUBVSTQWq8DY757X1kYOOzvSiydNkEq3cKPEzcR/s1600/IMG_2603.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a>A day or so later I was in to visit my friend at the local Good Will book store and I was sharing with her my idea of transforming this room and she said to me 'I think I may have just the thing you are looking for'. Remember that we are in the BOOK STORE. We are not in the general household items Good Will store. She comes out of her office with three panels of the most beautiful curtains I have ever seen. She says that she found them in a donation box and thought they might work for her home but they don't so she brought them into the store in case anyone came in who needed them.</div>
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Yes I did need them. They are perfect. Thank you my friend!</div>
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I'm in need of getting into better shape. Part of my idea to accomplish this was to get up early every morning and get on my bike. Three days had passed and I still hadn't managed to get out of bed early enough before needing to go off to work. But yesterday I did it. I managed to get on my bike for a half an hour. I haven't rode my bike all that much. Sometimes I take it to the grocery store or to run to the post office or something but to use it solely for exercise and to spend an uninterrupted half an hour on it made my butt hurt. Also, the angle at which my hands use the handlebars caused my hands to go numb. My whole body tensed as I pedaled; heaven help me if I hit a bump! Every once in a while I would have to release one hand at a time to get the feeling back into my fingers. I remember at one point I thought to myself "tell John to pick up one of those huge bike seats when he runs to Canadian Tire and ask him if he can raise the handle bars to a more comfortable height". The thought of a bigger, more comfy seat coming to me in the near future eased my mind enough that I was able to make it home feeling accomplished for having done what I said I would do.</div>
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Two and a half hours later I am standing in my cousins home. She is in the middle of prepping for a move and we were going to work on moving stuff to the garage for a sale. I can't remember if I mentioned the bike ride and my sore butt; I probably did because she says something to me about having a couple of Schwinn bikes to get rid of. So we head out to the garage to take a look at these bikes and there hanging in the garage are two gorgeous, brand new Schwinn cruiser bikes complete with BIG seats and high handle bars!!! I may or may not have started jumping around like a five year old at Christmas. I know that I did when they delivered them to our home last night.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUp5fAPHCSTLG3l5InPbjyb9ylCP4m_8QBuUkd4-ZxWHerEONw0ElvFGJ1GWzks_Elb79Kqt2rZ4PYxBJ3uw9tSWpCERuzqJaOnPCkrZkps9ecdLNxCSOjk3unnj2qqft3DgtUXT-gMNb_/s1600/IMG_2601.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUp5fAPHCSTLG3l5InPbjyb9ylCP4m_8QBuUkd4-ZxWHerEONw0ElvFGJ1GWzks_Elb79Kqt2rZ4PYxBJ3uw9tSWpCERuzqJaOnPCkrZkps9ecdLNxCSOjk3unnj2qqft3DgtUXT-gMNb_/s1600/IMG_2601.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a>I wanted to share these stories with you because I was shocked at how quickly these things manifested for me given the fact that I didn't do the normal 'write it down, chant a prayer, be a good girl' technique. What I think happened (but it can't be scientifically proven) was that because each time I had thought about what I needed I also had an idea of how I could find a solution on my own. </div>
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With the curtains I knew I may have to go looking for them. I also knew I didn't have lots of time to do that however I was willing since I really wanted curtains. With the bikes I had solutions available to me for both the seat and the handlebars. I wasn't thinking 'I need a new bike' I was thinking 'this is a good bike, it just needs a few adjustments'.</div>
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The 'write it down, chant a prayer, be a good girl' technique may work for some; for me it has flaws. Being a 'good girl' is hard to do when I don't feel like being a good girl. Also, it leads me to believe that who I am and what I am doing isn't enough already and that I have to complete some special assignment before I can have what I need. The bible tells me that I am made in the likeness of God. Gurus tell me that I am the Universe. So why then do I need to participate in a ritual that may in the end make me feel less than God and less than the Universe? It seems backwards in my brain. </div>
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Knowing what you want, having a plan for a solution or a way to achieve it and then letting it go seems to me the best manifestation technique available to me. It may be the best technique available to you as well if you've ever felt like your rituals or techniques aren't satisfying the manifestation Gods.</div>
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I feel the need to tell you that I didn't get the curtains or the bikes for 'free'. It doesn't always work that way, but sometimes it does. The curtains were a delicious $10 and the bikes I will be happily working off helping clean and paint my cousins new condo. There is still an exchange of energy happening here. This is how we show our appreciation for the gifts we have received. It's a win/win. </div>
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-65313142625403940722014-07-30T20:43:00.000-04:002014-07-30T20:43:34.683-04:00Angry<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Last night I was SO angry that I cried.<br />
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This is unusual for me. Usually I am so angry that I eat. Maybe this is progress in my quest to express my emotions in a healthy way. <br />
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I'm going to guess that my anger was fueled mostly by hormones because it came out of the blue. It could also have been that I had just had enough....of everything!<br />
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I was having a hard time falling asleep because I could hear my son and his friends playing video games in the room above me. It's normal for this to be going on and normally I don't have any difficulty falling asleep to the sound of shouting and video game gunfire but last night I just laid there; seething. First I went upstairs and asked them to quiet down. After another hour I marched upstairs and told the friends to hit the road and head home.<br />
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Maybe that last part is normal mom behaviour because they didn't flinch. They just finished their game peacefully, got up and left the house.<br />
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I got back into bed and realized that my husband was only giving me about a foot width of bed space to sleep in. He was sound asleep sawing logs (as per usual). Again I laid there seething. And crying. Don't I deserve more than a foot of bed space? Doesn't he know he's only giving me a foot of bed space. His elbows were in my way and I couldn't get comfortable unless I was laying on my side which just gave him more room to inch closer to me.<br />
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Argh!<br />
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Around midnight my middle son got me out of bed. He was upset about something that happened earlier in the day and needed some comfort. I was in no shape to comfort anyone as I myself was having my own little meltdown but I listened to what he had to say and I gave him some quick advice; apologized for my straightforwardness and blamed the fact that I was so tired I could hardly think straight. I gave him a hug; sent him to bed and headed into my bedroom for one last attempt at falling asleep.<br />
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What I found when I got back to my bed was my husband laying smack dab in the middle of the bed. No room for me on either side. I grabbed my pillow and headed to the couch.<br />
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As I laid on the couch and closed my eyes I wondered what was making me feel so angry. I felt as though I wasn't being appreciated or acknowledged. I secretly fantasized about twin beds and knew immediately why it was that hubby's grandparents had opted for twin beds all those years ago. Twin beds equals sanity sometimes.<br />
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I woke up this morning; groggy and tired. A full day of housework ahead of me and in no mood to do anything for anybody. In fact, if someone were to offer me a golden couch surrounded by servants to fan me and feed me grapes I would have happily taken that deal.<br />
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I honestly don't know why I wanted to blog about this. Most likely just to get it off my chest. It's kind of funny now that I think about it (that could be the red wine talking). <br />
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What I'm noticing about my emotions now that I'm getting older is that they aren't willing to be ignored anymore. They come on strong and insist on being heard. Like I said; in the past I've been able to eat my way through emotions; especially the not so nice emotions. I don't think there would have been enough chocolate cake in the world to squash my anger last night.<br />
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For a long time I've been seeking for ways to feel comfortable expressing emotion. It seems that Mother Nature will find a way for me.<br />
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Hang on to your hats!<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-32888002486116130172014-07-26T19:57:00.006-04:002014-07-26T19:57:57.928-04:00New Moon Desires<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This new moon tonight is all the rage. I've been hearing for almost a week how this moon can and will influence your desires. Maybe help you achieve your goals a little quicker.<div>
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I have to admit I've never been one for ritual; let alone a moon phase ritual. I'm much too lazy to follow rules or a step by step process to honoring the moon so that I can get what I want. I even have trouble with long drawn out meditations. I believe this is just the way I am built but every once in a while the hoopla gets to me and I find myself scrambling for a ritual to make sure that I don't miss out on an opportunity to have the Universe hear my desires.</div>
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So today I sat down and quickly jotted down my desires for this new moon and then added a list of things I am grateful for in my life.</div>
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That's it. Ritual done.</div>
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In my last post I talked about not having dreams. That hasn't changed. It probably never will. I find the same thing is true for desires. I have a really tough time coming up with a burning desire. Not because there aren't things I want. Of course there are things I want. But the word 'desire' makes me feel like the something I ask for should be something exotic; intimate; divine. I wouldn't put a new mattress in that category.</div>
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What I did write down for my hearts desire was to feel more alive and at peace with who I am and the moments I live in.</div>
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The interesting thing for me is that when I write something like that down I instantly realize that all we really need in order to feel more alive is to <i>decide</i> to feel more alive. The only way to be at peace with who I am is to <i>decide</i> to be at peace with who I am. No new moon miracles required. Right? Well, not exactly. </div>
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What I know about moon phases is that whether you are aware of them or not they are working in your favor. So that desire to feel more alive can be assisted with a little push from the new moon to release whatever is keeping me from making the decision to feel more alive.</div>
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Get it?</div>
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It's not that you don't have what you truly desire. It's that something is in your way so that you can't see it. So journaling about your desires helps you to align with the new moon so that you can work cohesively instead of being all over the place. </div>
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I don't have any expectations when it comes to what my 'feeling alive' will look like. It might be more laughter or a lazy day on the deck reading and enjoying the moments that tick by. Whatever it is will be perfect. And to the things that I will be releasing in order to feel more alive I say to you 'farewell'....don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.</div>
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-34867330724107397752014-07-13T17:32:00.001-04:002014-07-13T17:32:52.711-04:00Dream Big or Go Home<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Something I've been thinking about lately is dreams. The kind that are like goals; not the kind that are like movies that play in your subconscious while you sleep. The kinds of dreams that are pie in the sky ideals of who and what we wish to become or contribute to the world.<div>
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I don't have any of those pie in the sky ideals. I've looked into it many times. I've written out 100 goals that I've wanted to achieve in the past and after a couple of years I've looked at them again and thought "why did I write that? That's not me."</div>
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Maybe it's just me but the more people tell me to 'dream big or go home' the more frustrated I get about life. The biggest dream I ever remember having in my lifetime was to become a wife and mother. Been there...still there actually. Maybe that's why I don't seem to have room in my heart for another dream. Being a wife and mother is never ending. I will be doing it until the day I die and even then someone will still be calling me 'Mom'. Right?</div>
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My biggest dream in the past month has been to move the compost over ten feet. I accomplished that dream today with the help of my hubby.</div>
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Maybe that doesn't qualify as a 'dream'. But it kinda sorta feels like it does in my world.</div>
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We're told in this 'be all things to all people and make money doing it' society that if we don't have a dream we are like a ship without a rudder drifting aimlessly across the ocean with no direction and no destination in mind.</div>
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When I see my friends accomplishing their dreams I stand in awe of them. Many of my friends are reaching their goals; fulfilling their dreams. They are landing themselves on the front pages of magazines; single handedly feeding the hungry and clothing the poor, changing the world, etc. And I wonder why it is that I don't have a rudder? Am I directionless? I don't feel directionless. Do those who have no direction know they have no direction or do they feel like I do. Do they feel like things are going just fine?</div>
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It's kinda funny to think that I am having these little conversations in my head while I look around at who I am and what my life looks like and realize that I am quite content with all of it. I remember a time when I wasn't content with any of it. My THEN certainly doesn't look like my NOW.</div>
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Maybe it's enough that I simply want to live happily and be the best version of 'me' that I can be (whatever that best version looks like in any given moment). That might not be enough for the next guy/gal but it seems certainly sufficient for me at this moment and maybe, just maybe that is enough of a rudder to keep me on course in this big ocean of life.</div>
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-17933669615993981692014-06-19T20:33:00.000-04:002014-06-19T20:33:03.944-04:00Be The Love That You Seek<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It must have been about two years ago now. I was sitting in a coffee shop with a dear friend and she was telling me that she was at her wits end with her sons behaviour. This was something she had been dealing with for many years and it seemed she had come to a point where it seemed she just couldn't do it anymore.<div>
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She asked if I had any advice. I did (don't I always?). I asked her if she could love him just the way he is. All he needed is her love and her approval; would she be able to give him that in the circumstances they were in? She left that coffee date feeling much better about her situation. There wasn't any magic pill or technique that she needed. She didn't need to pay thousands of dollars to an 'expert'. All she needed to do was love her son.</div>
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I was reminded of this conversation last night and it brought me back to the realization that all any of us really needs is love. A great reminder for anyone struggling right now.</div>
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What makes life interesting is when we decide the only love we need is the love from someone outside of ourselves and if we can't get that love then we must not be worthy of love at all.</div>
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Nothing could be further from the truth.</div>
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The truth is that we embody the love that we seek and NOTHING changes that. Not a break up or a rejection can take the love that lives within you away from you!<br /></div>
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What I've learned in the past is that when someone has rejected me it hasn't been about 'me' at all. It's been about them. There was something inside of them that brought them to reject me. I was being myself. Which is all any of us can do in any relationship. If being yourself makes someone respond with rejection (or anything else that doesn't resemble love) then they aren't worth your time and effort (in my humble opinion). </div>
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I can't tell you how many times I have put on my circus clothes for another person. I would become master of every disguise just trying to find the one disguise that would earn me some lovin'; whether it be from a boss, my spouse, a child, a parent or a friend; I was willing to put who I was aside in order to become the person someone else would have liked me to be instead. The trick is that person you are trying to please doesn't even know themselves, so how can they possibly know you?</div>
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This was the conversation topic as my husband and I walked the dog last night. We spoke about relationships and how frustrating it can be to try and appease everyone. We discussed how we could shift those relationships and at that moment I was reminded of the story I started this post with. I remembered that in order to shift the circumstances of her sons behaviour, all my friend had to do was simply and profoundly love her son. It gave her new eyes with which to see her little boy. </div>
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I think that's all there is to it folks. I think that anytime you are in a situation where you are feeling like you are part of some invisible fight for love (and any struggle of any kind is a fight for love); just be the love that you seek. This isn't about being right or being the more 'spiritual' one (whatever that means!); this is about being love and giving that love to those in your life who need it the most. In giving it away you end up having more! TA-DA!</div>
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-27264093322419860482014-06-09T19:07:00.004-04:002014-06-09T19:07:46.953-04:00The Vault<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Waking up with dread or fear of lack is NOT a fun thing!<br />
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This morning as I was doing my morning routine I was thinking about this fear and the countless times it has taken over my day and crippled me with...well....fear.<br />
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I thought about the many times I've said "I need to make more money" or "I need to earn more money". The idea of these sentences seems ridiculous really. I don't even know how to physically 'make' money AND if I got paid for all of things I do around here I'd never need to earn another penny because I'd be stinking rich!<br />
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This musing became a meditation that I thought I'd share with all the folks who sometimes find themselves ensnared in the fear of lack game. EnJOY!<br />
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*Imagine yourself standing in front of a large, silver vault. You can see that there is a combination dial on the front of the door and you can also see that you don't need a combination because the door is opened slightly so that you only need to pull it open with your hands.<br />
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The door opens easily and freely with little to no effort at all.<br />
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Inside of the vault is brightly lit and is jam packed from floor to ceiling with stacks of freshly 'made' and 'earned' bills in various denominations.<br />
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Notice how you are feeling at the sight of this treasure. There is a guide that is standing at the door waiting for you. He/she tells you that this is the money that you have earned and deserved and have yet to claim/receive. You step forward and your guide tells you to take as much as you desire and that no matter what you will always be free to come back for more when you feel you need to.<br />
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Take a moment and receive the money that you need/desire and turn to walk out the door. As you walk out you notice a satchel hanging on a golden hook by the door. The Universe thought of everything and has provided you with this satchel to carry your money in so that you aren't burdened by it overflowing in your arms.<br />
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You deposit your money into the satchel and pull the strap across your shoulder. You notice that there is still room in the satchel for more money and that it's not that heavy to carry so you return to the piles of money to select more. As you return you notice that where you have already taken stacks of bills they have already been replaced. The vault is a never ending supply of financial abundance that is all yours.<br />
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You turn around and exit the vault. Your guide gives you a hug and wishes you well on your journey reminding you to return as often as needed/desired. She/he gently pulls the door to the vault so that it sits slightly open as it was when it first appeared to you.<br />
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You give thanks to the Universe and your guide for being so generous.<br />
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Take a deep breath and come out of the meditation feeling fulfilled and abundant.*<br />
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I did this impromptu meditation this morning and this afternoon I received cash in the mail. Cash I had been expecting but totally forgot about. Coincidence? I think not :)<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-70447524543989951592014-06-07T21:07:00.001-04:002014-06-08T10:35:43.305-04:00Release Through Acceptance<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
There are lots of catch phrases that are being tossed around these days. The 'let it go' and 'just be' movements have caught me off guard MANY times!<br />
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How do we just be? I think I blogged about it <a href="http://jennmerritt.blogspot.ca/2014/03/all-soul-wants.html" target="_blank">here</a> one day so I won't go back into it today. <br />
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The frustration of not knowing how to let things go and just be has had me in a tailspin for the last few years. Every once in a while though I do find myself easily moving through experiences and letting things go. It passes too quickly for me to catch it and bottle it up. I wish I could do that sometimes. Catch those blissful moments of clarity and shove them into a bottle for safe keeping. At least if I had it in a bottle I could access it on purpose instead of tripping over them sporadically.<br />
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A number of years ago I was moving through experiences of panic and anxiety for what seemed like no reason at all. At one point on our way home from a vacation I turned to my husband and said "I think I'll need to be medicated the next time we vacation." I was just coming down from a three day panic attack that resulted in us leaving our cottage a few days early which infuriated my husband. I haven't had a panic attack since.<br />
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What I learned from that experience was that the key to 'letting go' is in accepting what is. In the moment that I admitted that I may need some help with my panic attacks via conventional medicine I was accepting my position. I was accepting that my life had become unbearable under the weight of the panic and anxiety. Until then I was in denial. I was blaming other people for my circumstances. <br />
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I believe that when we accept where we are we are demonstrating self love. Allowing ourselves to own our emotions and take responsibility for where we are. When I was fighting against my position I wasn't focusing on how to be gentle with myself. I was being harsh and that harshness was fuelling the fire.<br />
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Owning our emotions and taking responsibility for where we are is like the big red circle on the map that says 'you are here'. It is a starting point in which to gently evaluate ourselves; a place to push off from. A place to get to know yourself a little better so that your next step is more aligned with what you need in that moment.<br />
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Letting go isn't about forgetting or severing the circumstance from your mind. It's the opposite. It's the acceptance and embracing of the circumstances that free you from yourself, your fears and your worries.<br />
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I don't see acceptance as giving up by the way. Acceptance is compassion. We release what we no longer need through acceptance because it leads us to compassion which leads us to the love that we are. <br />
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To let go of a fear you need to look at it; observe it from a different perspective then walk right up to it and give it a hug. That fear is telling you something about yourself. It's a teacher.<br />
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The same thing is true for worry and also for those other emotions we hang onto like guilt, shame and remorse. You can do this same thing with relationships. You can do this with past experiences that you are still hanging onto and still dictate your life.<br />
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What I know to be true is that we are all human. We are all walking around on this planet like bumbling idiots (yes even those of you who think you have it all together). And we haven't a clue what to do about it. The only thing we might know for sure is that what we have been doing up until now hasn't really been working so well.<br />
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Maybe it's time to switch it up and try something new. Next time you are faced with something that you just can't seem to let go of; try compassion. Try embracing it and see what happens. You might be surprised!<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-31125975200110238472014-06-02T18:50:00.002-04:002014-06-02T18:50:22.829-04:00The Secret To Affirmation<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Affirmations. This is one of those topics that really stirs things up for me. <br />
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We've been taught to use affirmations as a special magical tool to get whatever we want out of life and if you've ever watched the movie or read the book 'The Secret' you'll know just what I'm talking about. <br />
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The truth is affirmations aren't something we use only when we 'want' something. Though we do tend to make up 'special' affirmations when we are feeling in need of something. We are actually using affirmations all of the time during our day. Whether we are thinking about how we look in an outfit or verbalizing how we are feeling at any given time we are affirming what our life feels and looks like to us. And those affirmations bring about more of the same since those affirmations are actually more powerful than the ones you are 'forcing' yourself to repeat.<br />
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Every time you hold a thought in your mind you are affirming something. So all of those unconscious thoughts that swirl around inside your head all day are actually producing/manifesting/creating your reality. Eeek!<br />
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I've been thinking a lot about affirmations lately since I 'tried' to use a few while dealing with a recent job opportunity. My outside voice affirmations were saying things like 'this is going to be a great opportunity to meet new people and have a new experience' and 'this is going to be life enhancing'. But my inside voice affirmations were saying something like 'oh I really would rather work from home and be my own boss' and 'I really don't like having someone else tell me where I will be spending my time'.<br />
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Do you see the misalignment in these affirmations? Guess which affirmations held more power? If you guessed the second set you are SO correct! The truth is that the affirmations that swirl around in our mind have lots of power, mostly because we are unaware of the way they make us feel and that they are making us feel really deep emotions most of the time. Plus, these inside voice affirmations have been playing over and over again in our minds for years and years. Lots of power being stored there!<br />
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If we are being honest with ourselves most of the affirmations we make up for ourselves are born out of fear. We see that our life isn't going the way we would like and we want to make a change so we go for the affirmations like flies on a dung pile. We make up affirmations and we chant them and sing them to ourselves and we put on a happy smile and life is good. But then nothing happens. A couple of days later you find yourself a little worn out and a little more than disappointed that this 'affirmation thing' didn't work.<br />
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We are an impatient bunch aren't we? Worse than being impatient is that we are totally disillusioned as to where our focus really needs to be. Yes you can use affirmations to create positive change in your life. Of course. But in my opinion that is only going to happen if you can look at what you already have and be grateful.<br />
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I have learned that the key point in making affirmations work is feeling at peace with where things are at in this moment. Looking around you and saying 'you know, this is all pretty spectacular. I am pretty spectacular. You know what would make it all much more fun? Some money, or some weight loss or some love from a significant other'.<br />
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When my husband and I talk about our future we say things like 'Won't it be nice when....' or 'Wouldn't it be great if....'. We do this naturally, don't ask me how we came onto it but when we start talking like this I get a little bubble of excitement inside of me because I know that we've done it before; we've teamed up to create some wonderful things in our life and all because we are already loving what we have and dreaming of something that would add a little more 'fun' to it all.<br />
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So next time you find yourself 'lacking' and in need of an affirmation take some time and write a list of gratitudes and sink in to how that feels to you. Then you can add a list of things that would make your experience a little more 'fun' like the car, the money, the world peace. Whatever you like. Just begin your affirmation with gratitude and then watch the real magic happen :)</div>
Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-63797635611748742312014-05-28T20:10:00.002-04:002014-05-28T20:10:48.431-04:00What We Most Need To Learn<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
"What we most need to learn is also what we most love to teach."<br />
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I once read this ideal somewhere in a book. It made me pause and recall all of the things I love to talk about and all of the things I love to share with others as well as all of the times I had felt uncomfortable sharing because I considered myself extremely inadequate at teaching what I felt I didn't have a firm grasp of in the first place.<br />
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Forgiveness; self love; gratitude; non-judgement; worthiness. These are all things I love to talk about and if I am following the late Debbie Fords genius advice and I 'attend my own lectures' I learn a whole lot about myself; my fears, beliefs and dreams. Attending my own lectures shows me where I am holding myself back and what is propelling me forward.<br />
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In my opinion, when we attend our own lecture it is the equivalent of sitting at the feet of God. It is like you are tapping into the wisdom of who you are and being shown where you need more self love.<br />
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For a long time I believed that the opposite was true. I believed that the teacher would need to have already learned what they were wanting to teach. I felt as though I was unworthy of sharing anything because I wasn't an 'expert'. I needed more courses, more certificates, more books on my shelf to be 'qualified'. Didn't I?<br />
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After getting a hold of the idea that what I most need to learn is what I most love to teach; I began to pay more attention to my sharings. I began to realize that the more I learned the more I taught and the more I learned, the more I taught, and so on.<br />
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I believe that this is how it is designed to be. We are here for each other. To lift up, support, hold, comfort, embrace, guide and love. We do this through sharing; through saying to someone 'hey I remember that happened to me and this is how I dealt with it and this is how I learned from that dealing and this is how I may have done it differently now that I know what I know'.<br />
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This is like sharing your sand pail and shovel in the sand box at the park. It's a bridge to human connection. It is sometimes a lifeline for someone in need.<br />
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So while there is a whole lot that I DO like to talk about there is an equal amount I don't want to talk about. Personally, I am working on letting people see my darkness. It's dark in there. Scary dark. I'm scared that everyone will run and hide from it. So I don't share. I don't share on purpose and what happens when I don't share? There is no learning and there is no healing.<br />
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So my promise to myself is to share more of that darkness. To shine a little light on my vulnerability. Who knows I may learn something {wink}.<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-45716263122512744592014-05-28T19:33:00.000-04:002014-05-30T17:11:35.006-04:00Inside Is Where The Power Is.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This morning I wrote in my journal: "The ego's needs are never satisfied and will never be satisfied". This was the answer to my questions "When am I going to feel like enough? When am I going to feel like I know what I'm doing?"<br />
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To the ego; there is never 'enough'. There is an ever present need for acceptance and acknowledgement. I consider this my addiction because when I am feeling 'less than' I look to something outside of myself to fill that void. Sometimes I seek it through people and sometimes (lots of times) I seek it through food.<br />
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Seeking approval from people is deeply satisfying....for a split second. Receiving praise for a job well done and getting a pat on the back feels wonderful....that feeling quickly leaves me even more empty than before. Food...the same thing. It is deeply satisfying to finish that ice cream cone and it takes only a few short moments for that deeply satisfying feeling to fade into self loathing for eating the ice cream in the first place.<br />
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Have you ever found yourself in this trap? I'm pretty sure it's a common human 'thing'. <br />
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For me; my addiction is about love. I so desperately want to feel loved that I seek it outside of myself. I am addicted to acceptance from others because that acceptance (as short lived as it can be) is feeding my need for love. I get temporary 'highs', if you will from external praise and appreciation. In order to get these highs I do whatever it takes to make someone else happy; despite my own needs of which I am happy to sacrifice for the high that I seek. <br />
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Unearthing this truth is crucial to finding true love for myself. It's uncomfortable to admit to it. I feel a little ashamed admitting it out loud because it feels like a dirty little secret AND at the same time saying it out loud and putting it out there feels liberating and honest inside of my heart.<br />
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What I learned this morning from that simple question and answer is this; I will never find myself outside of myself. I will never be satisfied by what is on the outside. Because ego is driven by what is on the outside. Ego exists in the way things 'look'. Ego exists in the way things 'should' be. True love. Which is where I want to live from, knows only what is on the inside. True love is in the feeling of things. True love can only be found by going inside and getting comfortable there. Inside is where the power is.<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-29833637800072148302014-03-10T07:29:00.001-04:002014-03-10T07:29:09.164-04:00All The Soul Wants<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I don't know about you but I've found myself on more than one occasion feeling inadequate in this life. It's not uncommon for me to feel like there's something I should be doing or something I should be changing about myself because I might miss something really important if I don't keep myself busy.<br />
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Many of us spend our days pounding our heads against the wall. How do I become more productive? How can I squeeze more things into the day? When will I feel comfortable in my own skin? How much more do I have to read? How many more workshops must I attend? How come I can't just BE?<br />
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That last question is a real mystery.<br />
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I've tried to BE through meditation. I've tried to BE through prayer. I've tried to BE through yoga. I've tried to BE through reading.<br />
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I'm trying to BE so hard that I think I'm missing the point. Does this sound familiar?<br />
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What has become very clear to me in the past few months is that there is nothing you need to do in order to BE. And 'being' really isn't the problem here. There isn't a moment in the day that you aren't 'being' who you were meant to be. Have you ever tried NOT TO BE? It's impossible not to be who you are! <br />
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I think the real problem that we face is that we don't recognize that WHO WE BE in life is the miracle and there is no way that we will ever not be who and what life wants us to be.<br />
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We spend so much precious time trying to change who we are. We are trying to change a perfect creation. Doesn't that sound silly. Read that again. Let it sink in. We are trying to change a perfect creation.<br />
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And by perfect creation I mean a Soul that has chosen to inhabit a physical body in order to experience life as a human being. Now some of you might look at your physical body and say 'there is nothing perfect about this creation' and you wouldn't be further from the truth with that statement.<br />
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Your body has systems and processes that are so perfect it would blow your mind! How are you even breathing right now if not for the perfect process of the lungs. Certainly if you are dealing with health issues you are not perfect. Wrong again! Those health issues are perfect messages and perfect learning tools for your life. Use them. Learn from them. Don't let them go to waste!<br />
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As for our attitudes and beliefs. I've spent many years blogging about how to change your attitudes and beliefs. Now I see how silly and arrogant of me that was. Attitudes and beliefs change on their own; with the flow of the seasons and the blowing of the wind. They change as we move through life; as we have more experiences; as we gain more momentum. Change...whether it be in your attitudes, beliefs or self valuation....is inevitable. <br />
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The easiest path through change is to love who you BE. Right now. In all of your busyness and all of your seeming imperfection. Love who you BE when you are angry and frustrated. Love who you BE when you are happy and compassionate.<br />
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Allowing yourself to behave the way you are without judgement feels like pulling on your favourite sweater. The smell is familiar and the softness makes you feel safe and protected.<br />
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All your Soul wants is for you to love. All your soul wants is for you to know that you couldn't possibly be more magnificent than who and what you are being RIGHT this moment.<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-75860831682199908922014-03-05T12:55:00.002-05:002014-03-05T12:55:52.504-05:00Somehow it all fits<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Not a day goes by that I don't wonder what the heck I am doing here on this planet! Take my creativity for instance. How did I become an artist? If what I want is a successful life; is this time of addictive creativity part of it all or am on some wild goose chase or delusional?!?!<br />
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I'm fluent in 'you are where you are' language and 'if you weren't supposed to be here you would be somewhere else' philosophy. However, even with that knowledge and those teachings in mind I still question what I'm really up to. How is what I am doing affecting the world? Is it? I don't want to live a life where I am not positively influencing the world.<br />
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These may all be nothing more than the musings of insanity and with it occurring so frequently it is hard to ignore.<br />
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How do I become so utterly comfortable with where I am that I no longer question it?<br />
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That question leads to another. Do I want to become so comfortable that I no longer question it?<br />
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The irony of continuously wondering who I am and what I am here for, is that it does propel me to try new things. Create more. Reach out more. Be brave and courageous. Say out loud 'I am an artist'. <br />
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I have to admit that without my insecurity I probably wouldn't be where I am today. Without this little bit of doubt I probably wouldn't be moving forward in baby steps to find out what's next. <br />
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I can look back on my entire life and see that every thing I've ever accomplished came in baby steps. Many times I wondered why I was where I was, doing what I was doing. To me; life seems to be a constant miraculous mystery; one step leading to another. One person leading to another. <br />
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Somehow it all fits; especially when you don't know what the heck you are doing!<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-16855117084853083152013-12-10T08:36:00.001-05:002013-12-10T08:36:51.751-05:00Keeping Christ in Christmas<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A couple of weeks ago I started seeing magnets on the backs of cars and signs in front yards that read 'Keep Christ in Christmas".<br />
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A good reminder for sure.<br />
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Do we know what it means? I mean REALLY; do we know what it means? <br />
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As I listen to friends recount details of horrific holiday shopping excursions it makes me feel like we really don't know how to keep Christ in Christmas. <br />
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Christmas isn't about finding the perfect gift. YOU are the perfect gift. <br />
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Christmas isn't about twinkling lights hung on the house and a fantastically decorated Christmas tree. YOU are the twinkling lights; YOU are fantastically decorated with a beautiful heart.<br />
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I think if Christ was sitting at our dinner tables with us today he would tell us that Christmas is not about him at all. Christmas isn't about his birth at all and I think he would tell us we've been getting it really really wrong for a while now. He did not come to this planet (nor did the other thousands of masters and teachers) to become a superstar celebrity. He didn't come to be put on a pedestal. He came to give us a message and an example of a life lived in forgiveness. The story goes, he lived that message right up until his last day on this planet. Did YOU get the message?<br />
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At Christmas we listen to songs about peace on earth; we sing along. We know all the words. Then we get in our cars and honk at the first person who cuts us off in traffic. We get hot and bothered when we have to wait in a long line up at the mall. We are generous with our pennies when we see those Salvation Army bells but we aren't generous when the cashier makes a mistake on our bill. We are easily annoyed with our families and we don't take time for ourselves to even breathe.<br />
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All of this is exactly the opposite of what keeping Christ in Christmas would look like.<br />
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I'm really only using the Christian aspect of this holiday season to make a point here. The truth is that every Master that has ever walked the planet has given us the same message about how to live life to the fullest. We just don't all have magnets dedicated to them. Not that I know of anyway. <br />
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Christ was forgiving. Christmas is for giving. <br />
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I learned this enormous lesson this time last year. Giving ourselves away brings peace. It is the peace on earth that we are seeking and it's inside of ourselves.<br />
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It makes no difference to me how you celebrate your holiday or how much money you spent on gifts or whether you put up a tree or not. It makes no difference to me. What makes a difference to me and to the rest of us is whether or not you are finding peace within yourself. What makes a difference to me is whether or not you are living out the forgiveness that Christ himself embodied. <br />
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And the only reason why it makes any difference to me is because what you do with yourself you do with me. What you bring into yourself, you bring into me. We are here together. We are IN it together. You see? Do you hear the message? This was Christs message to us. Compassion, love, forgiveness. Always to everyone; all ways. Can you do it? Can you take the message into you and allow it to begin to blossom? It's a wonderful thing when you do. A truly wonderful thing.</div>
Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-27618564601881606742013-10-14T11:41:00.001-04:002013-10-14T11:41:06.160-04:00End The War<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
'End the war'.<br />
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This is a phrase I use often when my kids have gone over my patience boundary with their verbal abuse of eachother.<br />
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Anyone who has children of any age knows that arguments can last forever and ever as long as someone is still willing to engage. With my boys I've noticed over the years that no one stops the arguing because someone always wants to be right or wants to be the winner of the argument.<br />
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When I feel tensions rising in the house and I see someone is about to totally lose it I gently remind them that they have the power to end the war. If they stop engaging; if they release their need to be right and make their brother wrong they can single-handedly restore peace to the relationship.<br />
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And they do. And it does.<br />
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I've used this phrase on myself as well. There have been times when I've persisted. Wanting to be right; wanting a different outcome then the one I am staring at. I have pushed and pushed; trying to make my point and convert someone to my way of believing. This never works. The only thing that this behaviour succeeds in doing is starting a war.<br />
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If you've ever done this you will notice that even though the other person may not engage or perhaps doesn't even know the war exists; the war has been waged and within your mind the war is very real.<br />
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Some of us have imaginary wars going on all of the time. Wars with people who don't do what we want them to do. Wars with corporations who have done something against us that we believe is wrong. Wars with people who we think are better than us, poorer than us, different than us. We wage wars on drugs, drunk driving, government corruption, food production and disease. We wage wars on ourselves, our children, our pets and our loved ones. One wrongdoing; one misstep can send us to war in an instant.<br />
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When I look around at the wars currently being waged and at those in our history; at the destruction and loss of life I can't help but notice that I have contributed to that energy by waging wars on others in my own life. I've become fearful and launched attacks against people thinking that something may be taken from me.<br />
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This morning I woke up and out of the blue heard the words 'world peace already exists' in my mind. My body filled with bliss as these words ran through my head. As soon as I started to question this message I remembered the phrase I use with my kids and myself "end the war". <br />
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It's that simple. End the war in yourself and you will find that world peace does exist. <br />
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Is it possible that world peace is the same as the sun? The sun doesn't suddenly disappear just because rain clouds have rolled in. It's there waiting for the clouds to pass so that it can be seen again. The same may be true for world peace and inner peace. It exists despite the war; it exists despite the conflict and chaos. It exists despite what is happening around us and despite what our eyes can see.<br />
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Can you see it?<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-495319046116247942013-09-19T16:10:00.001-04:002013-09-19T16:10:20.095-04:00And The Answer Is....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Sometimes after I post something on my blog I receive messages from my heart. Especially if the post was like <a href="http://jennmerritt.blogspot.ca/2013/09/addicted-to-suffering.html" target="_blank">the one I wrote yesterday</a>!<br />
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I was knee deep in self imposed suffering (is there any other kind?) yesterday and wondered why it is we insist on suffering. Why do we insist on putting ourselves in positions where we are uncomfortable or where we are trying to stuff ourselves into a societal expectation.<br />
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I received the answer today.<br />
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Want to hear it?<br />
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The answer to why we choose to suffer so much is that we cannot know who we are until we experience who we are not.<br />
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That's it. We cannot know who we are until we experience who we are not. And sometimes we will choose suffering to get the point across.<br />
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This is one of those Universal 'aha' moments where you feel the weight of the world lifting off your shoulders and you are finally able to take a deep breath and smile.<br />
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I love this answer for a few reasons. It's logical for one. Secondly, it's simple. It makes perfect logical and simple sense that in order to know who we are we must first experience who we are not or at the very least who we do not wish to be.<br />
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This is an easy thing to remember when you are staring at the person in the check out line who is less than friendly or you witness someone trying to merge into construction traffic while smoking a cigarette and talking on their cell phone. These behaviours most likely remind you instantly of who you do not want to be. Get us on our own though and suffering will be the easiest avenue we take to recognize that in ourselves for ourselves.<br />
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What is actually hilarious about yesterdays situation is that the entire time I was suffering I knew that I didn't need to. I knew and still I chose. <br />
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Today. Today I know who I am or at least I have a better idea and I'm feeling a little more comfortable in my own skin. <br />
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So thank you Suffering my old friend for once again showing me that everything is a gift.<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-3686230974255633302013-09-18T20:24:00.000-04:002013-09-18T20:24:55.650-04:00Addicted to Suffering<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Are you addicted to suffering?<br />
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I am....sometimes.<br />
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Like today. I chose suffering when I decided I would sit down and write out my speech for a talk I am presenting next week. I love public speaking which is weird because I'm a total introvert. I like to entertain. Something I've loved to do since I was a little girl and my sister and I would get silly and run into the kitchen and do silly moves and silly things in front of my parents and their friends only to run out again giggling.<br />
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So it wasn't the thought of speaking that was creating suffering. It was the fact that I don't do well with a written script in front of me. I do really well off the cuff and speaking from my heart. For some reason every time I am asked to speak I get it in my head that I need to write it all down. Because well isn't that the 'right' way to do things? I've learned in the past that it isn't the 'right' thing for me to do but somehow my brain gets fixated on getting it accomplished and convinces me that I will feel better if I have it all written out. So I write and erase; write and erase. Enter suffering... I become increasingly frustrated with myself. My head and heart start to pound. My back starts to hurt and I can't think straight anymore. My pulse and breathing quicken and I am worn out and need a nap and all I have down is 'thank you for the opportunity to.....'.<br />
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Gah!<br />
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Suffering...my old friend. Why are you so comfortable? Why do I not recognize that you are making me feel like shit about myself? Why do I entertain you so?<br />
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Whether you insist (like I do) on doing things the way other people would prefer you do them or you've been working in a job you hate for years on end or you get caught up in what is happening around the world and sink into the fear of 'what ifs' you will know all too well the suffering I am speaking of.<br />
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So why do we insist on suffering? Do we honestly believe that to suffer is to succeed? Do we honestly believe that we deserve such treatment from ourselves (because it is only us that causes the suffering)?<br />
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Just tonight I was chatting with a friend who has resigned from a job she has hated for a very long time. She said she felt like she could breathe again. I like this very much. I want my friends to be able to breathe.<br />
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So if we like feeling like we are able to breathe; why do we hold our breath so much while we suffer?<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350811149337816800.post-89401322808990827932013-09-09T08:37:00.000-04:002013-09-09T08:37:08.124-04:00Mind Your Business<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Have you ever loved someone so much that you wished they would change who they are because who they are makes you uncomfortable?<br />
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You know the loved ones you have in your life who are overweight or still eat meat and you wished they would take better care of themselves and for goodness sakes take up vegetarianism because that's what you did or that's the lifestyle you've chosen and it seems to be working out just fine for you.<br />
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Or the ones who are constantly complaining about life or are depressed and you wish they would be grateful for what they have and for goodness sakes start a yoga practice because well that's what you did and yoga completely cured your depression.<br />
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Or what about the loved ones who have a hard time holding a job or insist on smoking cigarettes even though they are constantly sick and you wish they would get their act together and see that they are killing themselves slowly with their cigarette addiction.<br />
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Have you ever loved someone so much that you wished they would change their behaviour to something more accepting in your eyes? <br />
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I have.<br />
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Lots of times (and if I'm being honest I still do).<br />
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Though I often thought during those moments that my suggestions for supplements, exercise and gratitude were signs (proof) that I loved that person very very much and was showing my unconditional love for them. I am very aware now that my suggestions were conditions to how much I could love that person and I would bet money that what those people were feeling as I was preaching how they should change their ways was not at all conditional love. Instead they probably felt inadequate and not good enough for my love.<br />
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Unconditional love means unconditional acceptance of every behaviour and choice your loved ones make.<br />
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Unconditional love is realizing that just because yoga and veganism for example are your choice; it doesn't have to be the choice of others to maintain health and happiness.<br />
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Unconditional love is allowing your loved ones (now this is the hard part) to experience life the way they wish to experience it even and especially when they wish to experience suffering, depression and denial of themselves.<br />
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It can sometimes be the hardest thing in the world to see a loved one suffering. Because we really do love them and we really do want them to be happy. At the same time the ultimate act of love is allowing them to go through that for themselves. Taking that away from them or trying to erase it altogether is an act of disrespect to their journey.<br />
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I've also heard it said that the only reason we don't like to see someone else suffering is because it reminds us of our own suffering that we've been trying so hard to hide. Ah, that sounds about right.<br />
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Lets do our loved ones a favour and really love them by letting them alone to do and be as they please. <br />
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And if their suffering is uncomfortable to us then maybe it's time to take a look at our own suffering and see if we can apply our own advice to heal ourselves.</div>
Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00574916653108605067noreply@blogger.com4