Finding Jenn

Last year around this time I was on a quest to find my true essence.  My inner goddess.

To dress on the outside the way I feel on the inside.  To speak my truth in my true voice.  To march to the beat of my own drum...so to speak.

Somehow I got side tracked.

Motherhood will do that to you when your personal goal isn't as important to you as your children's well-being and happiness.

In fact, until today I hadn't really realized how far back I had left myself.  How low my self-worth was.

On January 1 I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it took to get back on my quest to find the real Jenn.

Today was the first step in doing that.

I hired my good friend and amazing 'Thrift Style Expert' Denise Rivait to come by and work her magic in my closet.

Denise is one of those women who has a natural sense of personal style.  Everything I see her in is something that looks fabulous and she totally rocks it!

So it was an easy decision to make to have her come in and give me a hand in finding my true self.

I was not expecting to have my entire closet wiped out! 

Okay, I did expect that.  I knew it was coming, nothing I wear feels like me, it feels drab.  As a 'stay-at-home-mom-preneur' I rarely spend good money on clothes, I wear what I have and make due until I can't stand it anymore, then I go shopping and buy whatever's in my path, just to bring it home and rarely wear it.

Seeing all of my clothes in the 'give away' pile was a sobering sight. 

If all that I've purchased in the past is not right, how in the world am I going to make sure I bring in clothes to wear that are going to scream 'this is Jenn!' now?

I sat down and I cried.

Not a bad cry, but a good cry.  A cry of realization that the adventure I was about to embark on was going to be one that would truly make me stand out.  I was finally going to own and wear things that aligned with my essence.

I'd have to say the greatest part about today's experience was the shopping.  Denise did a fabulous job of handing me item after item, stretching my imagination, ignoring my comfort zone and keeping me from the grey sweaters and comfy yoga pants...

We found some great deals, I walked through the mall with the biggest smile on my face and my heart filled with excitement for what this experience means for my future.

I am looking forward to tomorrow morning.  I am excited about getting dressed and slipping on my new knee high boots and funky jacket instead of throwing on the jogging pants and sweatshirt.

Stay tuned...there's definitely more to come on this topic :)

I've got a new song!

Sometimes along your journey towards something spectacular you can pinpoint exact moments in time when something shifts inside of you.  A word is spoken or a story is shared and you realize "OMG!  That's it!  That's the missing piece!"

This week has been filled with them and today was no exception. 

There are no coincidences here.

I shared in my last blog about the disconnectedness I have been feeling with regards to expressing my femininity.  I've been giving this SO much thought over the last couple of weeks and the more I think about it the more I receive messages from my world about the next steps I need to take.

For example, a couple of days ago a good friend of mine handed me a book she picked up at a store entitled "GROW".  It's a great book about connecting to our femininity, what that looks like for each of us as individuals.  It is filled with vibrant colors and inspiring stories to help me truly find my true nature, connect with it and live it on the inside and out.

Then today, as I sat sharing stories with another good friend the conversation turned to self love and how we feel about our bodies, how we treat (or mistreat) them.  She leaned over and said to me "This is a bit embarassing but I used to wear really tight bathing suits under my clothes to squish and hide my breasts as a young girl."  She shared how much she felt like a freak in her own body.  In that moment I connected to a memory I had of stuffing my own bra at a very young age because the torment I got from being skinny and flat chested was unbearable.  I shared this memory with her, to which we both laughed at ourselves and questioned why it is that as young girls we insist on covering up who we really are?!?!  And more importantly WHY do we still do it as adults?

The memory of the pain of growing into a woman hadn't come to mind in quite a long time.  This was a Eureka moment for me!  That moment of reconnecting to the memory of me being a young girl, teased for something I had no control over really hit home.  I have been not trusting my inner self for a very very long time.  I have not been feeling good in my own skin for 38 years!

I believe there is no greater tragedy in this lifetime than to live with the idea that you are not good enough, that you are not pretty, tall or slim enough!  I've had enough of that life!

It's time to turn on a new song ladies.  It's time to turn on the song called "Take this shame and shove it!" and like the quote says "dance like nobody's watching!"