Thursday, July 15, 2010

Just a big coward

Have you ever been called a coward?

I have... Many times actually....

There are worse things to be called, mind you. But the coward thing struck me as odd. Like only something you would hear in a Wild West movie just before a shoot out in the middle of the main street.

I remember one time when a close relationship was ending, the person on the other end of the phone screamed at me "you're a coward!" This is how she felt because I was not engaging in the anger she was projecting towards me.

I questioned that accusation. I took it in, I tried it on for size to see if it fit me. What I felt while wearing what I affectionately call the "coward coat" wasn't shame or guilt at who I was or how I was behaving. What I felt was a sense of duty, an inner peace.

I learned then that what some people consider cowardice, I considered self mastery.

It takes so much Love for yourself and for the other person to stand before them when they are enraged with anger and not react. Not allow yourself to be sucked into the abyss that is their world.

I have come across a few challenges lately, that have been testing my faith in my own self love.

I allowed these challenges to question what I know about myself. Funny, how we allow ourselves to do that sometimes, like the other person knows you any better than you know yourself.

Sometimes the Universe will place these people in your life who know all the right buttons to push to show you where you need to strengthen the fortress.

A very good friend of mine reminded me that it is necessary to come up against these challenges because I need to learn how to stand firm in my moment of power, speak my truth and live from my heart no matter who is saying what against me and no matter what another person's opinion is.

That was a great reminder.

There will be a time when there will be bigger rocks being thrown and I need to build up my reflexes in order to catch them so they don't do any real harm.

It may be okay to be considered a coward after all. Then at least I know I'm living my life as true as I can in the moment. Choosing to not allow anger and greed to bind me isn't an act of cowardice.

It's an act of self love and self mastery.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

What would you be missing?

It's not always easy to take an idea and show it to the world.

To own it. Take responsibility for it.

It's not easy, but it is apparently necessary.

I remember hearing once "think about if you don't bring your dream into reality, think about what the world would be missing out on if you chose not to move forward because of fear."

I don't remember where I heard this phrase, but it came back to me as I listened to a woman confirm an intuitive message I had received for a friend of hers.

I had been asked to do an intuitive drawing for her friend. I felt as though this was a sort of test and laughingly denied that I was able to do such a thing but that I would give it a try and see if it turned out. Let me state for the record, that I doodle for fun. That my love of pastels has just recently come to me and I am always surprised when someone actually likes what I've drawn.

Not a week earlier I was telling a fellow artist friend of mine that I don't feel comfortable doing these types of things, there is more pressure to come up with something pleasing to the eye than there is when I work on something solely for my own enjoyment. Also, what if I'm wrong? What if what I come up with is total s*@$! What if the message doesn't make sense? Then what?

This is scary business for me. This is really stepping outside of my comfort zone and stretching my limits. These types of things are for the wise of heart, not people like me who just think they have a strong connection to their intuition. Afterall, following intuitive nudges throughout the day doesn't qualify me to actually give intuitive readings and attach them to a visual piece of art. Does it?

In the end though, the positive confirmation came and as it did the goosebumps were standing up on my arms and I knew I had stepped into something special.

This piece of art is going to make a tremendous difference in this woman's life. It is going to be confirmation for her that what she is experiencing is real and it is divinely guided and perfect for her in this moment. It is a beautiful message lovingly delivered by her guides to my hands and heart for her to know and keep.

And I can't help but apply the above phrase to this situation. What if I decided not to go ahead and try the intuitive art thing? What if I said no and walked away. Sure, someone else would've been able to do it for her I suppose. But what would I be missing out on? What would the world miss out on if I wasn't involved in this process?

I guess we'll never know.