Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Qualities in You....

I recently conducted an exercise where I asked a variety of the people I know what 5 qualities they see in me.

This was an awkward thing to ask.  I was more than a little fearful of the outcome (as you may have read in previous blogs, my biggest fear is that of criticism).  I was a little nervous that people would think that I was just fishing for compliments, that I just wanted a pat on the back somehow (there's that fear of criticism again).  But ultimately the exercise had to be done (my life coach said so, heehee).

I received some overwhelmingly positive responses.  I found out that the life that I want to live and the way I want to be perceived by others is actually how I am being perceived and so there is a sense of accomplishment and pride that 10+ people see the same or similar qualities in me.  That my choice to be a loving, helpful and approachable person is being observed.

Then this got me thinking about what seems to me to be a phenomenon of sorts. 

You know when a loved one has passed and you are in the funeral home welcoming people who want to pay their respects, and every person you greet has a wonderful story about your loved one, their eyes are filled with tears at the memories they shared and you can feel their love and appreciation for knowing your loved one.

Your loved one touched them in a way that not many people could.  But did your loved one know it while they were alive?  Did they know that they had love and support at every corner?  Or did they go through life lonely and depressed?

Most of us don't know how we would even approach someone to share our loving thoughts with them.  It's awkward and a little dangerous for the ego, our fear takes over and we begin to think "what if they don't share the same feelings?"  "What if it turns into an awkward moment and I look stupid?"  Those were the thoughts that ran through my mind when I was asking my friends for feedback.

After receiving the responses.  I had a tremendous feeling of relief.  Relief in that I know NOW while I'm living the impact I am having on people.  I know NOW that I am a pleasant person to be with and that I am appreciated by the people in my life.  I know NOW that I have created a legacy that I will one day leave behind.  What a gift those people who responded to my request have given to me.

I don't want this blog to be all about me.  I really just needed to share the experience with you because it is so important to know NOW what the world thinks of us.  Good or no so good, because the good will lift us up and the not so good will carry us to a higher state of learning.  The knowledge that we have qualities that are not inspiring to others allows us to make changes.  And the knowledge that we are a beacon of light in this sometimes dark world can fill our hearts with even more love and light to be spread to those who are in need.

It is my intention that you read this blog and have the courage to approach 10 of the people in your life and ask them what qualities they see in you.  Then I encourage you to write out all of the qualities for yourself, post them in a place where you can easily see them on the days when your "well-being bank account" is low, these comments, the comments of your friends, acquaintances, loved ones and business associates will fill you up with a love so beautiful that you will forget your fears and doubts and you will see only opportunity for goodness in your life and in this world.

Such a simple task, yet such amazing benefits.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Love your Body

When was the last time you sent some love to your body? 

Our bodies are amazing machines and yet we go through our lives not appreciating them in the way they need to be appreciated.

It's quite easy to show your body some love.  You could cut back on junky, greasy foods and enjoy a nice healthy meal for a change.  You could spend some time outdoors, walking or working in the yard working up a sweat and filling your body with much needed oxygen.  You could join a gym and give yourself and your body the gift of time spent focusing solely on it 3-4 times a week.  There are many things to do to show your body some love.

Yesterday, I was in the mood for some shopping.  But as many women (and some men) know that just because your brain is in the mood to shop doesn't mean your body will cooperate.  And so it was that I went from store to store carrying armloads of clothing into the dreaded dressing rooms to try on.  I walked out with 3 pieces of clothing from 3 different stores.  Each time I stood in front of the mirror critiquing the current piece I was trying I noticed all of the lumps, bumps, curves and dimples.  I would take a deep breath and suck in my stomach pushing my chest out in the attempt to look better.  It was starting to get quite depressing actually.  I do spend quite a bit of time at the gym.  "Apparently not enough" is what my mind was saying.

Just as I was about to give up on my body I reminded my self that changing how I feel about myself is as easy as flipping a switch.  And so as I waited for a larger size from the sales woman I stood in front of the mirror taking in my entire being.  I began to attach a memory to each body part, a memory of when that particular part served me well.  My belly (4 pregnancies), My arms (cradling my babies as they nursed, when they were hurt or just in need of a hug), My legs (are healthy enough that I can run or walk anywhere I want), My behind (okay this one was a little harder, but I'm pretty sure it helped me to attract my husband, heehee).

The point is that each part of our body has a story, we can attach a happy memory to each portion of what we sometimes are not too happy with and change our attitude.  By the time I was on my way back home I was in a different mood about the experience, I was excited about my few purchases and proud of myself for not putting them back on the rack in frustration.

When you start to love your body, your body responds by being healthier and stronger.  Just like a houseplant that doesn't get watered or fertilized, it will simply wilt and die away.  Your body is the same way without the proper nourishment, attention and love it will slowly wilt and ultimately die.

I encourage you to stand in front of your mirror today and see your body for the truth that it holds.  The truth that it is always of service to you, that it deserves the same honor and respect as anything else in your life.  It might seem silly at first, and it might take you a bit to find something good about it but I promise you once you start to realize all the gifts that your body has given to you, it will become easier and easier to be happy with the look and feel of your body.

Take this exercise to the next level by journalling the results of this experience.  Putting things in writing makes the experience much more powerful.

Enjoy your body!  It's the only one you get!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Your True Potential

Are you aware that at this very moment there is tremendous potential living inside of you?

Did you know that the reason that you are not living to your fullest potential in this moment is because of a fear that keeps you from fulfilling your desires?

Think about one desire that you have right now in this moment.  I'll wait.......


Now think about the one reason that is keeping you from obtaining that goal.......  I'll wait again.....

Now identify which of the 6 basic fears the reason relates to:
a) a fear of criticism
b) a fear of ill health
c) a fear of loss of love of someone
d) a fear of poverty
e) a fear of old age
f) a fear of death

You now hold the answer to why your dreams are not being fulfilled.  You now hold the key to changing your life around one dream at a time.

What does this feel like to you?  Is it empowering?  Does it bring up more fear?  If so, go back to the beginning of the exercise and start again with this new feeling.  Maybe you feel like now that you are aware of what is holding you back you can now make steps towards obtaining your goal?

I realized through this exercise that my fear of criticism is responsible for a minimum of 80% of the mistakes I have made in my life thus far.  80 whopping percent!

Mistakes like not taking a risk when I had the opportunity, not sharing my opinion at a time where my opinion could've changed events, resentment of not enjoying the time when my children were very young, past obsessions with housework, cleanliness, etc.

All of these things (and more) come from my fear of being criticized.

I recognize now that every time I have an idea or desire to do something "different", I get frozen in my tracks.  No progress is made because I simply am too afraid that someone will criticize me.

I want you to experience the amazing feeling that you get when you finally realize the one thing that has been holding you back all this time.  It's like looking at the world from a whole new perspective, now everytime I do, think or say something negative or limiting I can immediately recognize what fear that thought, word or action is attached to.

I did it just last night, no sooner had the words come out of my mouth when I realized what I had said and what exactly I was putting out to the Universe in that moment.  And let me tell you it was not favourable!

This is extremely empowering!  When you become aware you single handedly take the power away from your fear and turn it into an opportunity for change and improvement and ultimately success!

I encourage you all to take some time, write out some mistakes you feel you have made in your life, whether it's the color of the paint on your walls to feeling like you married the wrong person, write it down!  Then grade the mistakes with the above listed 6 basic fears and see how you do.

I would love to hear from you once you have finished this exercise.  It may be the single most important thing that you do in your day!  The insight that you gather about yourself, your life, your current and past circumstances is deepened with this exercise.

One step at a time we can break free from the chains of fear and limitation and awaken our true potential within!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

You Can Do It!

I look at life coaching the way the Home Depot slogan looks at home improvement.

"You can do it!  We can help!"

Of course we can overcome obstacles, reach new heights in our relationships and careers, turn our health around for the better on our own.  Imagine though the pace of progression if you had someone helping you out along the way.

Imagine not having to sit in the pit of misery longer than necessary because you have a life coach that is on your team, that sees in you the things that you haven't yet seen with your own eyes?  That can bring you to a place of awareness that you might otherwise not have had the strength or energy to do on your own.

A life coach can help you see to the root cause of a situation much more quickly than if you were left to your own devices, and the quicker we come to the root cause the quicker we can resolve the situation and move forward to the next task (because there is ALWAYS another task waiting).

Life is full of mountains, mole hills, peaks, valleys and hot dry deserts.  When we stop to take a better look at how we are handling the different terrains we can better understand how we have evolved into the place where we currently sit.  And how we can navigate our way to an easier path.

I find it amazing to work with a life coach myself.  I can make progress that normally would take me months to accomplish on my own.  Revelations come to you and land right on your lap, an open book to be read and understood. 

It's like looking at life through dirty glasses and then one day realizing how dirty your glasses have become over time and deciding to wipe the grime away.  The view of life through clear glasses is very different, indeed, you can see things you haven't seen before and get a better idea of the bigger picture.

Many of us are currently stuck in very old, very outdated situations.  For some our bodies have begun to tell us that they can no longer withstand the stress and pressure of the situation.

Do you know how to move forward?  Do you have the courage in this moment to shift your thinking to see this situation as a gift?  Do you just want to find some peace and happiness in your life?  Do you want to better yourself? Are you wondering if there is more to life?

If you answered yes to any of these questions it may be time to give yourself the gift of time and invest in a life coach.  You will find the time spent with a life coach to be priceless, I know I have.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

No Matter What!

Recognizing the saboteur's that live within each of us is an extremely important step to realizing our dreams and moving forward to success.

I find that most people don't even recognize that their saboteur has taken control of their life.  We get stuck in our everyday lives and when our circumstances aren't going as planned or aren't as joyful as we would like we often sink into it further without really looking for the reason behind it.  Without realizing that we have the power to change the situation.

How many times a day do you think, feel or act like you are unworthy of whatever it is that everyone else is receiving.  Have you ever bought a lottery ticket and thought "I never win, I don't know why I buy these things"?  Have you ever looked at a well dressed, confident person walking down the street and thought "I could never be like that!"

If you have had these thoughts (or any one of the multitude of negative talk thoughts that go through our minds), you have a saboteur living among you.

I believe that there is one saboteur that lives within you and as you fight your way past it, it shape shifts into another type of saboteur.  The saboteur knows that once you have recognized him that he no longer holds the same power over you and so he changes into something a little bit different.  Sometimes the message is still the same, but the negative self talk that is used is different so that you can't recognize it right away.

The origin of the saboteur is different for everyone of course, depending on your family situation, social status, religious beliefs, etc.

I also believe that you can conquer every single one of the saboteur's that shows up in your life.  It takes time and commitment of course, but with the right support and nurturing it can be done.

I recently stumbled upon another saboteur that was living within me, one that had originally been "you're not good enough".  This one was called "just a housewife and mother" (where has this saboteur been, I am so many other things NOW).  The basic message was still "you're not good enough", however the saboteur put a new spin on it so that I would in effect not realize that I was being sabotaged.

Why do I think conquering these types of thought is important?  Well, imagine a life where you are constantly bombarded by negative self talk.  In this life you can never rise to your full potential, and even if you do you certainly won't enjoy being there because you will be constantly worried that everyone around you will find out that you are "just" or "not good enough".  You will feel like a fraud.

Sabotaging self talk is simply our ego exercising it's control muscle.  Nothing more.  Imagine a 2 year old having a temper tantrum in a grocery store because he/she is not getting what they want.  This is the image I have of my ego!  Then I remember what I did every time my son had a temper tantrum, I either ignored it (don't give that tantrum any more energy or it will never fizzle out) or I removed him from the store completely.  We need to do this with our ego every once in a while.  Show it whose boss.

So how does one go about conquering the saboteur's?

First things first.  Identify the saboteur (it's really not important to find out where it came from, no need to place blame, only a need to rid yourself of the negativity living in your mind).  Give the saboteur a name.  Go further and put an image to the saboteur.  Once I made a saboteur into a monkey and envisioned physically removing him from me and disposing of him.

Another thing was to write the name of the saboteur on a piece of paper, then rip it to shreds.  Adding an affirmation to this exercise is powerful.  Something like "I am good enough and no one can tell me otherwise". 

Adopt the "No Matter What" principle.  (btw, there is a great book out by the same title by Lisa Nichols (The Secret)).  Adopting the No Matter What principle means that you say out loud to yourself, your spouse, your children, friends, the world, whoever will listen that No Matter What you will accomplish what you were put on this earth to accomplish.  That your happiness and your dreams are non-negotiable and nothing will stand in your way.

Great things begin to happen when you take the time to recognize your saboteur's and deal with them effectively.  You will find that your way of life changes, your thoughts, feelings and desires change and you begin to see things coming into your life that you have only dreamed about.

This awareness bridges the gaps between your mind, body and spirit.

When you take back your power over the saboteur's you are empowered and you can clearly focus on what lies ahead.  You are in alignment with your true self.


Sunday, October 4, 2009

Walking Away.

Many times we are faced with the choice to stay or walk away.

Right now many of us are facing this choice.  Whether it's careers, relationships, homes, communities, etc. we are feeling the need to walk away.  To step forward into their life and have faith that all will be provided for. 

This is scary business, it means we have to step outside of our comfort zone.  Leave behind all that we know in search of a better way of living.

You've heard the familiar saying that people, places and things come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  Sometimes the very people whom we thought were to be in our lives for a lifetime are suddenly not there anymore or we are having a strong desire to disconnect from them.  You may find yourself wanting to uproot and live somewhere entirely different or you may feel a deep desire to surround yourself with completely different people.  This is a totally natural part of evolution.  It is also one that needs to be addressed and fulfilled in order that you can stay balanced and in alignment with where you are going in life.

This has happened many times in my life and for various reasons.  Usually people quietly leave and one day you notice you haven't had contact with them in a while.  Other times there is conflict and an end to the relationship is the result.  On many occasions those very people have come back into my life, maybe not in the same capacity but they come back none the less.

Many of us hold on much too long to relationships, jobs, etc.  This can cause a whole host of issues in our lives, it keeps us stuck in a space that is not comfortable and we become resentful of everything.

Every person in our life has a gift to give to us, whether it's a lesson or a trustworthy friend during a difficult time or something else.  Once that gift is given they are to move on to the next phase or experience in their life.  It is selfish of us to hang on too tightly.  If you can look at the situation from a place of pure love you are able to see the truth beneath the physical.  That the entire experience is absolutely perfect.

We need to remember to move with the flow of life, don't get too caught up in the drama.  Don't sweat the small stuff.

Walking away from anything may seem hard at first, but it is when you walk through an experience of great difficulty that you learn and grow the most in life.