We are all in this together

I have a confession to make.

I have done some not so nice things in my life.  I've spoken some not so nice words.  I've assumed some not so nice things about people and circumstances.  I've thrown people out of my life like last weeks leftovers.  I've blamed, I've ashamed, I've guilted and I've angered.

I've sometimes treated my loved ones like they were monsters.

My pride has kept me from seeing the truth.  My ego has kept me from taking responsibility for the hurt I've caused.

We could say 'oh it's okay, we ALL do that'.  But that would be no excuse for me.  I don't want to be like everyone else.  I want to be like me.  I want to hold myself to a higher standard of living.  I want to come into everything I do and into every relationship I have with compassion and love.

The past couple of months have been a real eye opener for me.  I believe this process of 'awakening' (for lack of a better term) has been going on for quite some time and it's really only just recently that I seem to be absorbing and 'getting' the idea of love, peace and forgiveness.

We all have people in our life and circumstances in our past that we hold onto.  Those who I've hurt in the past might feel the need to define me by that past for as long as we all shall live. And for a number of years I've done just that to them.  Keeping them on a line of 'debt', expecting repayment, my pride continuing to nag at me that it is important to be 'right' all the time.

What a miserable way to exist.  They are not their past and neither am I.

In fact, over the past two months my heart has opened up to the realization that this behaviour has created a veritable hell on earth and I am no longer able to play the game.

This behaviour of holding people responsible for their past, many years after the incident has taken place serves no one.  I should know.  I severed ties with my family because of belt buckles. 

You heard me.  Belt buckles.

At the time I thought I was justified.  I thought I was right to be angry.  I thought that someone should come and bow down to me and ask forgiveness.  (See what thinking can do to you?)  So, I have no relationship with my family based on belt buckles.  Then belt buckles morphed into past hurtful words and actions, and so on and so forth (you get the picture).

Who on earth did I think I was?

I hadn't once in my insane grudge holding think of the other people involved or what they might be struggling with.  I was completely and utterly compassionless, self centered and mind blowingly full of ego!

Interesting thing...  At the time I thought I was spiritual...  lmfao!  At the time I was filled with so much of myself that I thought I was the right one and they were the wrong ones.

What I have learned with the help of Spirit is that no one is right and no one is wrong.  We are all literally insane.  We all literally do not know what we do to eachother.  We cannot see the tremendous impact that our insistence on keeping the past in the present has on our lives and the lives of the people around us. 

But that can change.  We can be willing to see it and we can be willing to forgive ourselves for doing what we did not know was so damaging.

The key to changing this around for ourselves lie in the courage to take a deeper look at where we may be the ones causing the issue in the first place, then to have the strength to forgive each and every thing we feel we have done to contribute to the pain of the people in our lives and ultimately in the world.

As I write this I am filled with deep emotion.  I know that this 'confession' has to happen for something to change in my life.  I am ready to make amends for all that I have done to contribute to sadness and hurt in this world.

Are you ready to make your own confession?  You won't be alone.  I will be right here beside you, walking the path as well.

Because, really we are all in this together.

Innocence Found

We are all seeking Love.

Truthfully though, we have no idea how to go about finding it.

We fight, argue, get frustrated, increase our expectations, lie, cheat and sometimes steal in the name of love.

And still it eludes us.

Sometimes we spend a lifetime making a career out of giving everything we have to everyone around us in the hopes that we will feel and be loved.  And still (most often)...nothing.

It's like eating cookies for breakfast, lunch and dinner and still expecting to lose weight!

Crazy!

What if there was a way to stop this insanity?  What if there was a way of actually receiving the love that you so desperately seek without all of the 'work' that goes along with it.  Would you sign up?

Afterall, we are beings created from love; it shouldn't really be all that hard to find it!

One thing that I find has been really filling me with love lately, is seeing the innocence in others. 

Especially the ones who are constantly wanting us to love them and who have no idea that their way of seeking love from us is literally driving us to drink! 

The wife who feels neglected, the husband who feels unappreciated, the parents who feel disrespected, the employee who feels taken advantage of, etc., etc., etc.

All of these scenerios call for us to look for the innocence in the other person (and especially in ourselves).

Okay, let me put it this way.  If every single being on this planet is here to learn how to love.  And every single being on this planet is seeking love.  Then it makes sense that we are all innocent in our search! 

I mean, I didn't get a roadmap to finding love.

Did you? 

I didn't think so!

We are all children wanting to be loved.  Some know how to get it and some have found it.  Others are still seeking and still more are pushing the people they want love from the most, away.

The difficult part of seeing innocence in others may be in your perspective of what that other person has done or what you feel they deserve.  Well, none of that matters, so you can get that out of your head or at least know that you can still practice finding innocence even if you currently believe something different about the situation.

What I find happens for me when I see someone's innocence, I simultaneously see my own innocence.  Where there is innocence there is forgiveness, where there is forgiveness there is love.

Of course (because I'm not done learning yet either), I've yet to experience this as an automatic response to any given situation, however when I do apply it (even on the past stuff), it's extremely powerful.  That empowerment is what keeps me motivated to keep seeing the innocence in everyone and everything.

Go on, give it a try!

Triggered!

Everybody has experienced a time or two (or three thousand) where a situation, comment or action triggers us and sends us into an emotional tailspin.

When suddenly the mole hill we've been dealt becomes Mount Everest and logic goes out the window and we immerse ourselves in the passionate distress of the moment.

I had one of those moments this week.

Immediately, my body felt like it had been kicked in the stomach and I took on feelings of betrayal, entitlement and victimhood.

An ugly combination for sure!

Fortunately, I was aware of why I was feeling this way, the past memory I held onto and the connection it had to this new situation.  I was able to acknowledge it and through the kindness of a listening friend was able to say the words out loud "I feel betrayed.  I feel like just once I would like something for myself.  I feel like I can't trust this person again".  I was able to release the emotion that was stirring inside of me and cried from a place so deep inside of me that I knew that I was getting rid of something that was holding me back.

This is something I've always struggled with.  Being emotionally authentic.  I'm always good with the feel good stuff, but when it comes to what I judge as the 'uglier' emotions I just don't allow myself to be real.  This time though I was able to be real and honest about these feelings.  It's hard to speak out loud some of the things that I did that day.  It's hard to admit sometimes because I would just prefer to be happy and joyful all the time and ignore the moments of rage, disappointment and resentment. 

The great thing is that saying them out loud, letting my emotion come out and honouring all of it, shone a light on the trigger and it almost instantly melted away.

In fact, not only was the trigger gone but over the next couple of days I began to see that by moving through this situation I was able to release something that I had no idea was still lurking around inside of me.

I began to see the gift in the situation instead of stewing about how someone had 'done me wrong'.

Because really at the end of the day, it's never about the person who brings the trigger to your attention.  It's all about you and how you respond and heal yourself.

You are worth the effort of forgiveness

How do you forgive?

A couple of nights ago I held a forgiveness meditation on the beach in my town.  It was awesome!

I had a great group of people attend and you could feel the collective apprehension as they gathered and got cozy.

I could totally relate to their apprehension.  Of course, we all want to forgive, but we've never been taught how and it's a bit scary to think about letting go. 

I mean, if we let go of and forgive those we've been unwilling to forgive for so long, how will we feel?  What will happen next?  Will we survive without that story of unforgiveness?

These are definitely unchartered territories we are stepping into.

But, when the meditation was over I could see the physical changes in the way they moved and the brightness of their faces.  There was excitement in their voices.  Some were still very quiet, contemplating the enormity of what just happened or maybe trying to figure out how to maintain this place of peace.

The truth is, even the most stingy of people want to forgive.  It's our natural state of being.  We just don't know how.

Many people talk about forgiveness like it's no big deal.  Just forgive and let it go.  Let go and let God.

That's easier said than done.

Painful memories and hurt feelings keep us stuck in a cycle of unforgiveness.  A cycle of victimhood.

When you don't forgive someone you say things like "So & so did this TO me and I will never forgive her" and "My parents were unavailable emotionally for me when I was a kid and that is why I am like this today".

Some people won't forgive because they think the wrong was so big and so bad that forgiveness is undeserved.  There is a 'status' or 'label' put on the wrongs that we've encountered, some are worthy of forgiveness and some are not.  To be honest with you, if you have a status system going for your forgiveness, you aren't in a forgiving space to even forgive the smallest of hurts.  If you dig a little deeper you will find that you have never forgiven anything, you are harbouring experience after experience in your memory bank labelled 'unforgiven'.

When you don't forgive someone your body starts to show signs of wear, you become easily fatigued, distracted and frustrated.

Do you find that unforgiveness becomes easier and easier for you as you go on?  When you feel you've been wronged, you don't give it a second thought.  Unforgiveness just shows up as though it's the reasonable thing to do.  It's what is 'deserved'?

This is because unforgiveness and victimhood are cumulative.  They grow with each and every situation that you don't forgive or choose victimhood over empowerment.

I don't believe in snapping your fingers and "poof" forgiveness is found.  I'm sure there are people who can accomplish this, I am not one of them.

For me, it helps if I spend time with the stories that have been playing over and over in my head.  Getting acquainted with what I have been unconsciously telling myself gives me a perspective I might not have had before.  Where did these stories come from?  Are they true?  Can I find compassion for those involved in the stories?  If I can see things from a place of compassion and honesty then forgiveness streams in effortlessly, it just takes over and I find myself filling with love, empowerment and fulfillment.

There is extreme power in forgiveness.

How do you forgive?

Forgiveness....and then some

What is the most difficult thing you have ever had to forgive?

I was reading through a Reader's Digest magazine the other day and came across an article about the genocide in Rwanda.  The article described a woman and a man who had both been involved in the genocide and who were acting in a new play about the struggles of the people of that region.  The play is about a woman who forgives her sister's killer.

It got me thinking about the power of forgiveness.  As well as the many times I have forgiven others.

What I have come to realize is that ultimately the forgiveness comes around to me.  I willingly forgive someone for their "wrong doing" and then am faced with or find that I have forgiven myself for believing that someone would intentionally do something wrong towards me.

Here's where I'm getting at. 

Each and every act is an act towards the self.

Each and every situation, no matter what the circumstances and details is an act towards the self.

When we gossip about someone.  We are gossiping about ourselves.

When we hurt someone.  We are hurting ourselves.

When we criticize, judge and blame someone.  We are criticizing, judging and blaming ourselves.

The person whom we are directing all of this at is merely a visual substitute for ourselves.

It's an interesting experiment.  The next time you are in a foul mood and are projecting that in an outward direction, bring it back for a minute and ask yourself "is this how I feel about myself?"

9 times out of 10 you will find that the comments, attitude and negativity are truer when you relate them to yourself than they are when you relate them to someone else.

On the positive side.  The same is true for all the love that we give out in a day.  We are projecting all of that love out to others, and it really is how we feel about ourselves!