Topic of the Day

The latest topic of conversation in our home has been all about stepping into your power aka "stop taking shit from other people and acting like a victim expecting someone else to fix things for you".

Hubby has been dealing with some workplace 'bullying' issues for the past 9 months or so.  You know the drill, employees having a conversation and then stopping abruptly when you walk in the room, ignoring you when you speak to them, keeping vital information about the operation of the building from you, accusing you of coming on too strong when there is an issue at hand.  Oh and my personal favourite screaming that you are a 'fucking asshole' then telling your manager that you are having difficulties at home to cover your sorry ass then never having to apologize for your behaviour.

Ahem.  Sorry I get a little passionate about this subject.

Isn't all of this behaviour 'kindergarten 101'?

This behaviour isn't the real problem in my opinion. 

The real problem is that hubby has decided that these people are right.  That they know him better than he knows himself and that he isn't the capable leader he once thought he was.

When I ask him what he feels he needs to do to get back in the groove of things he answers "get my confidence back".

Wrong answer.

Doesn't the thought of 'getting your confidence back' seem a bit daunting?  I mean, how do you actually do that in an environment that is breeding anger and resentment?

If you think you've 'lost your confidence' where you do you think it went and who do you think stole it from you?

Nope.  No matter what situation you are in, your confidence, skills, natural born qualities have never disappeared.  Fear has simply come in and thrown a sheet over it so that you can't see them temporarily.

I'm sure lots of people can relate to feeling just the way my hubby is feeling.  So, what do you do about it?

Can you remember a time in your life when you felt alive, passionate and purposeful?  I reminded my husband of the times he's spent starting up new treatment facilities.  How did that feel?  Did he question himself?  What was the outcome?  Was he respected for his role or was he degraded?  Was it hard for him to step into this role and get the job done?

Then we went through the steps of what is happening now, what it feels like, how it differs from those moments of triumph and purpose.  Has it been difficult to keep your mouth shut and let these people run all over you?

Now, if you could make a choice to be the person in the first scenerio or the second what would you choose without hesitation?

Of course, you'd choose #1.  It's who you are!  It's who you were put on this earth to be!

So maybe the key to changing your situation around is simply a choice to do so.  No homework, no extra reading, no programs or training.  Just a choice.

To Be or Not To Be.....  THAT is the question!

And that fear that is masking your greatness?  Well, it's just an illusion.

If he steps into his power what is the worst that can happen?  He won't lose his job because apparently you can scream 'fucking asshole' to your superior and not get fired for it.  So that's not a legitimate fear.

Your co-workers are already behaving as though you murdered their best friend and then set him on fire, so the fear of disconnecting from them is illegitimate as well.

And let's say he will need to find a new job, well there will be a new job waiting for him because the Universe gives to those who give empowerment to themselves without hesitation.  That's how it works.

So to everyone on the planet who seems to be up against a brick wall, where there seems to be no support or 'easy way out', instead of worrying about it and wondering what you can do to change it.  Just make a choice to be you (not the you others think you should be), the you that is magnificent and wise.  The you that knows just what to do when you need to do it.

And above all remember this:  You cannot live your life based on another persons emotional wellbeing.  You cannot walk around doing and being the person that will least ruffle feathers.  It just doesn't work and this world is in need of some feather ruffling.

The Summer of Change

Oh my goodness...  First day back to school for the kids...

My mind is flooded with the possibilities for this day, this total silence mom has control of both computers and can play any kind of music she wants day.....

It is certainly a day of bitter sweet celebration.

Where did the summer go?

Yesterday was emotional for my youngest son.  He was in tears over the fact that summer slipped through his fingers and he didn't do anything worthwhile to speak of.

Unless you count the gazillion mechanical robots and cars he created with his lego.  Or the countless NERF gun wars he had with his brothers.  Or the bike rides to the beach, the trip to the cottage and the visits with family and friends.

I have to admit as summer break came to a close I had these same thoughts in my head.  It happens every year really, the urge to make a mad dash to get it all in before the last day falls upon us.

If I look back I can see that the summer was jam packed already.  Maybe not with as many spectacular activities that my son would have preferred, for me it was filled with personal connections and growth.  I learned alot about myself this summer and as I look around at the people in my circle of influence I can see that tremendous changed happened for all of us. 

One friend connected with her truth, another had her second child.  One friend connected with her divine skills as a medium and has been helping people who have been struggling with their grief.  Another friend let go of her feelings that she was unloveable and still another connected with her true passion in business!  And those are just a few mentions!

It definitely was the summer of change and personal growth.

How did it change you?

I'm a junkie...

I've kept it a secret for too long.

Been in the closet with the door locked, sitting in the dark wondering if I'd ever get the nerve to admit my addiction.

Today's the day.

I woke up this morning and realized I can't live with this lie any longer.

Here goes.

I am addicted to acceptance.

Whew.

I feel lighter already.

The problem with being addicted to acceptance is that the need is never really met.  The craving is so intense that you will do anything to get it!  The side affect of this addiction of course is that even the smallest amounts of outward acceptance cannot tame the need!  The more you receive acceptance from others the more you feel starved of it!

A never ending cycle.

Or is it?

Admitting this addiction has been a very big part of my personal growth process lately.  I've been watching myself in certain situations and noticing my reactions and feelings in moments of someone expressing their acceptance of me.

It feels good still, but it doesn't have the same hold on me that it used to.  What used to make me feel warm and fuzzy for days, quickly loses it's sparkly happiness and sends me into a place of questioning "If that person can so easily accept me, why can't I?"

This is where the junkie in me can step even further into the stronghold of the addiction or I can recognize that I'm no longer in need of outward acceptance and move forward.

I realize that what I truly want is the permanent high of self acceptance.  It's what I've been looking for all of this time, I was just going about it the 'wrong' way.  Or is that the 'right' way since eventually I got it!

What addiction have you been hiding?  How is it keeping you from moving forward? 

Are you empowered?

The other day a search into some old emails for information I needed brought me to an article that was written about empowerment and what it means to be truly empowered.

Here's the part that really caught my attention:

"Your usual tendency is to try and help another person. If a person comes to you with a problem or a situation where they just need a little push, absolutely you are right there to help them to go in the direction that will be the highest for them.  What about true empowerment? What if you empowered that person so they could leave you? What if you empowered that person so they could go against the work that you were doing? How much do you trust humanity? How much do you trust your spirit?"
exerpt from Beacon's Lightworker newsletter

Wow!

I think this message is worth giving some thought to.

Most of us believe empowerment comes from keeping things to yourself.  That we will get further ahead if we keep what we know to ourselves.

Further along the article reads:

"If you trust the process, you will begin empowering everyone every chance you get because even if they leave you, even if they are not in your field, even if there is no connection whatsoever, that has changed your energy more than it has changed theirs. This is the key that most of you will find will bring you to that part you brought from Home, that piece of the puzzle that all of you have been looking for that you call your passion, your purpose, your intent and your path."
exerpt from Beacon's Lightworker newsletter


This is a great message!

I have always loved empowering others to do what I do and I couldn't always figure out why. 


There is an amazing feeling of joy that grows inside of me when I teach someone Reiki or how to trust their intuition or how to create art from the heart.  It makes me smile and do a happy dance when a student of mine has found their 'mojo' after spending an afternoon with me, empowering others is the ultimate high!
 
Go ahead, empower everyone around you!  Heck, teach them how to do just what you are doing in your business.  Give away all your trade secrets (they aren't yours anyway).  Give away your ideas (again, not yours).  Give away your art and teaching techniques.  Give it all away, feel the freedom and pleasure in doing so and bask in the empowerment that comes to you through this act of giving from the heart and soul.
 
You won't regret it....  I promise you that!

The self empowerment lesson within bullying

Recently we have been having some challenges with our son. He has withdrawn from the family quite a bit, spends hours on the phone (although, not unusual for a teenager), he is disrespectful and rude at every turn to his brothers, to his father and myself. He is not eating with us as a family and he is doing poorly in school. When he gets angry he shouts death threats.

Don't get me wrong, I totally get that teenagers are temperamental and are more interested in their social lives than anything else, however, my son's behaviour has become completely opposite to his natural character and that raises some red flags for me.

We had an incident a couple of evenings ago that prompted a conversation about his behaviour and where it was coming from. He finally admitted that the group of people he hangs around with at school are abusive towards him.

My son is one of the smaller members of the group and so is targeted as the one that gets pushed around, knocked over and tripped repeatedly throughout his day. He is also someone who just wants to be liked and accepted within his circle of friends, so he is for the most part accepting the treatment so that he will be liked. He expressed to me that he hates going to school and that it is really hard for him to focus during the day with all of this on his mind.

I completely understood where he was coming from because I endured the same treatment in public and high school.

My son's behaviour at home was mirroring how he is treated at school. His aggression towards his brothers comes from a need to release built up energy surrounding the circumstances with his friends.

When children (or adults for that matter) behave in a way that compromises another persons integrity and self esteem, they are simply acting out an experience they are having somewhere else in their life that mirrors the situation they are creating with others.

Many schools engage in "anti-bullying" programs. These programs place emphasis on bullying only. They do nothing to strengthen the self esteem and confidence of the children. The key to eliminating the cycle of bullying behaviour comes from empowering the children, not focusing on the behaviour itself.

My middle son has endured bullying behaviour since junior kindergarten. Every afternoon he met me at the door with tears because someone had done something upsetting towards him, we would sit down and discuss what the issue was, usually it was something like the other boy didn't like his hair, clothes, lunch, etc. and since my children all dress themselves, make their own lunches and choose their own hair styles these were personal issues for my son.

I would tell my son everyday. If someone doesn't like your clothes you need to ask yourself "do I like my clothes?". If the answer is yes then everything is good. If the answer is no then you have a problem, but you do not have a problem until you answer no to your own question. I know he used this on multiple occasions and learned that his opinion of himself is the only one that mattered. We even came up with a theme song that would empower him when he heard it.

He is now in grade 7. He said to me the other day "you know Mom, I love all the kids that I hang around with, we have so much fun and we really support one another, it is so nice. And the "cool" kids that were bullying us before don't have a large group anymore, my friends and I have the largest group in our class. It's funny how that turned out". He is acutely aware that the change in his reaction to the behaviour diffused the situation and he has come out on top.

I coached my son to self-empowerment and he defeated the bullying behaviour. It was a rough few years of doing this with many setbacks and triumphs. He was a willing participant and was seeking change, I believe that all children (and adults) can be coached in this way, they can be coached to look for answers within themselves first to determine how they are feeling about the situation.

When we find ourselves within a bullying situation we rarely look into ourselves because we fear that we will find that the person offering insults or who are questioning our right to be who we are, are right in what they are saying. We feel like they have the inside scoop and their behaviour fuels our limiting beliefs about ourselves.

We all have the right to be who we are. We all have the right to a life filled with the support and love of our friends and family. And our children have the right to become self-empowered.