Monday, December 31, 2012

The Power of Love

I adore the quotes of Mother Teresa.  She has been known to say things like "Spread love wherever you go.  Let no one come to you without leaving happier." and "Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand."  She was a woman who knew the true power of love.  She knew it as a healer, as a forgiver, as a redeemer.

She didn't get to know this love because she was more special than you or I.  She simply took the time to believe in the power of love and apply it in her life and in her vocation.

My mind and heart have been overflowing lately with feelings of gratitude and love.  For anyone that's been in a position of absolute joy over the simplest things you will understand the power within these sensations. 

Just today I was out walking the dog with my husband and I was a couple of steps behind the two of them and as we walked in silence I got this sudden urge to reach out and touch my husbands back.  In that moment my entire body began to vibrate with a force of love so powerful that I an overwhelming joy bubbled up inside of me.  Instantly I was transported to a moment of absolute gratitude for each and every thing in my life.  Every morsel of doubt, disappointment, fear and uncertainty was embraced by appreciation.  Every gift and miracle of my life experience seemed to be highlighted in brilliant light.  It all happened so quickly, but it left me lingering in thought over the power and force of true love.

I don't know where this sensation came from and yet I knew that it was something I had access to whenever and wherever I need it.

I wonder what moments like that do to our mind, body and spirit?  I wonder what kind of healing occurs when we allow ourselves to open up and receive that love and joy?

Thoughts of love and gratitude have the magical ability to transport us into another space and time. 

When we experience sensations of intense love and gratitude we find ourselves forgetting all of our setbacks and challenges and we begin to see only a life of perfection; even if it is just for a moment.

It is in this moment that I feel like powerful healing takes place and it makes me wonder; what if we made the decision to love the things in this life experience that seem unloveable?  What if we began to love cancer?  What if we began to love mental illness?  What if we began to love war?  What if we began to love poverty?

Not just 'send loving thoughts and energy' but LOVING it!  Opening your heart, allowing it in, seeing it's divinity and loving it completely.

Maybe what I am saying sounds crazy.  That wouldn't be surprising to me.

But each and every thing in this life whether we experience it directly or indirectly has something to teach us about ourselves and about the truth of this life.  Each and every thing is a gift.  Some things we fight as though our lives depend upon it (and sometimes our lives do depend upon us getting rid of something we don't want); my heart and brain want to explore loving these things to the depths where fear no longer exist, where we understand that to love something so deeply is to understand it, to welcome it and to acknowledge that it is something we can ultimately use to awaken from this sleep we are in.

What if love is the answer to all of life's challenges?  What if love is all we need?

I'm beginning to think it is.

I'm beginning to believe in the power of love, not just as a concept but as a real, living, breathing companion to life. 


 

Monday, December 17, 2012

The Price of Peace



I think many people would be surprised to learn what the price of peace is.

To obtain peace, globally or personally means to give up the need for connection to worldly ideals, preferences, emotions and possessions.

Do you know what that means?  It means giving up all of the things that you do and all of the ways that you behave that aren't in alignment with peace.

It means choosing to live life through the intention of peace instead of living life through the need for more, or something bigger, better, more expensive, brand new....you get the picture.

That means if you mumble or yell or shoot the finger at the driver that cuts you off in traffic, you are not in alignment with peace.  If you leave an  inadequate tip for the server at the restaurant, you are not in alignment with peace.  If you put items back on the shelf at the grocery store where they do not belong, you are not in alignment with peace.

I'm not being silly.  I'm being truthful with you.  If you aren't willing to walk your butt back to the bologne aisle to put back the product you have chosen not to purchase then how in the world do you expect to maintain any semblence of peacefulness?  Peace is not for the lazy.  Peace is for the brave.  Peace is for those who do not mind that they will be stared at like they are a three headed freak show.

I wonder how many people who wish for peace upon falling stars would truly be willing to give up their assumptions, grudges, anger, frustration, resentment, guilt, shame, addictions and thoughts of 'not enough' in order to get the peace they so desperately wish for in this world.

I have thought long and hard about this.  How far am I willing to go for personal/global peace?  On a good day I'd give my left arm for peace and would know that that is a fair price to pay; catch me when I'm full of fear and you can forget it, peace flies out the window.  I'd rather live in survival mode and do what it takes to survive.

I lump personal and global peace together because they are one in the same.  Personal peace means global peace.  Gandhi knew this.  He knew that if he could guide the individuals in his Country to peaceful non-violent reaction in every circumstance that they would ultimately live in the peaceful way that they preferred. 

For most of us peace is not a popular option.  It involves breaking down our defenses and going to a place within us that is pure love and pure light.  In some instances, peaceful non-reaction to a situation will promote more anger and frustration on the part of the other people involved.  Most of us are living in fear and are addicted to control.  When we encounter someone who isn't willing to put forth energy to keep our story of fear going and instead choose to stay neutral and in peace we tend to panic...

There isn't a magic pill for peace (sorry to break the news to you).  We can't bully the world into peacefulness (remember when parents used to think that smacking you would make you stop crying?).  Enforcing new laws won't bring us peace.  Denying the need for peace won't bring us peace.  And there isn't one specific person who is in charge of bringing peace to this planet. 

Peace means the first responder to every situation is love.  Peace means that we look at every person on this planet as an equal, as a cherished Soul who has come to live out a purpose.  Peace means giving up the need to be right all the time.  Peace means refraining from gossip even if you think it's not really gossip.  Peace means waking up and wondering 'who can I bless today?' instead of worrying about worldly goods.  Peace means forgiving the so called 'enemy'; forgiving the very person you feel has ruined your life, spoken poorly about you or even, yes even killed someone you love.

That's a tall order isn't it?

But that's what peace is.  And that is the price of peace.
 

Monday, December 3, 2012

Giving and Receiving

This weekend while I indulged in a little acrylic painting, I was reminded of all of the teachers who have come into my life to bring awareness to my 'talents'.

Those teachers, givers and sharers who unknowingly ignited my artistic fire (of which I had been reserving for the kids coloring books and school projects) simply by sharing their passion and wisdom with me.

Those encouragers who stand on the sidelines and shout "You can do this!" or "Your artwork is beautiful!" or even more simply "I love it!".

Without those Souls who agreed to come into my life at just the moments I would be contemplating my lack of talent I wouldn't be where I am today.  Whether they are still in my life or not, they are still very much alive in my memory and in my list of things to be grateful for.

I believe this is what God had in mind for each of us in this life experience.  To learn and grow through sharing.  Imagine what someone else is missing out on in their life when we choose to keep secrets about our truth?

The reality is that we are all talented, remarkable, magnificent beings who can accomplish many wonderful things.  It's important to understand that without the loving guidance of a friend or new acquaintance we may never understand our full potential, or at the very least it may take us a very long time to find it.

Sometimes we hold onto truths because we think they are special just for us.  Sometimes we hold onto them because we are afraid of lack, afraid of giving away our secrets to success; as if sharing an idea with someone could ever keep you from success.

The Course In Miracles suggests that by 'giving all to all' you are trusting fully in the presence of the magnificent Creator.  By giving all to all you are making room for more to come.

We think if we give everything to everyone that we will be left with nothing.  That could not be further from the truth.

What if in sharing an idea with someone it gives them permission to open their own minds and potential?  What if in sharing your idea with someone they realize that this is just the idea that they've been searching for and it frees you up to do something even more daring and passionate?

Just look at me.  If a few very special people would not have opened their hearts and shared their gifts with me I wouldn't be embracing my artistic and creative nature.  I wouldn't be spreading joy and love to those who get to bring my artwork home with them. 

This world needs love and joy like a beaver needs his teeth!  The more we encourage and share with others, the more we spread the love and joy, the better off this world is.

I believe that all of my talents are God given and God driven.  Nothing is my own creating, nothing is my own doing.  It is all guided and lead by a force greater than anything we could ever imagine.

Whatever I have learned I will give away.  Because it is only in the giving that we are able to receive.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Grateful For The Hateful

Gratitude.  It's a powerful force.

I found myself in front of the washing machine again last night, marvelling that all I have to do is put dirty clothes into a machine, press a button and VOILA! clean clothes.

Then I turned around and looked at the five piles of laundry that still needed to be done.

One part of me was very grateful for the ability to wash clothing so easily, that I had access to hydro and clean running water to make it all happen.  Another part of me was frustrated that I still had five piles left to do (knowing full well that it would easily be six piles come morning - how does laundry multiply so fast?).

This morning I woke up and ran through my daily 'things to be grateful for' list, then made my way upstairs for the dreaded 'wake Benjamin up for school' task.

Again one part of me could see all the things to be grateful for (a good nights sleep, a warm bed, my health, etc.) but when it came to waking up my son that gratitude went right out the window.

Do you see a pattern here?

Does this pattern seem familiar to you?

I didn't realize this was happening.  In fact, I thought I was doing a pretty good job in the gratitude department.  Making my neat little lists, taking time during my walks to look around and find things to be grateful for.  Focusing on gratitude before I fell asleep at night.  These moments of gratitude were filling me with a sense of peace and purpose.  Being grateful works!

But what about when the shit hits the fan?  Where is my gratefulness then?  That's where my challenge lies.

Gratitude moves you forward, my experience has been that any amount of feeling grateful is a very good thing for making positive change in your life.

I wonder though what kind of powerful force gratitude would be if I applied it to all those other times in life when things aren't running so smooth.  You know like your car breaking down (aka paying that hefty mechanic bill), physical pain or an unruly child.  These are the moments when gratitude is needed the most and when we don't acknowledge that, it slows the forward motion down, sometimes causing it to come to a screeching halt!

Gratitude 'should' be something we automatically feel, no matter what is happening around us.  I think though that we've become so busy with doing things and buying things and keeping up with things that it's not as natural as it was; once upon a time. 

So I would categorize being grateful as something you have to do on purpose.  It's something you have to be thinking about on purpose until it becomes a natural part of your personality (PS, it really is part of your personality but it's been hiding, practicing gratitude brings it back out into the open again).  Especially when you are being grateful for the hateful things in life, and there are sometimes a long list of hateful things. 

So....I am grateful that there are ONLY five loads of laundry left to do :)  And I am grateful that my son is healthy and strong enough to fight me off when I am trying to pull him out of bed :)

There, that's better.

Monday, November 19, 2012

I Thought I Knew...

I thought I knew who I was... 

I thought I could say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was an unconditional lover.  That I was living my purpose on purpose, loving myself, full of happiness and joyful abundance.  I thought I could maintain peacefulness, patience and a loving demeanor throughout a challenging situation.  That I was able to leap tall buildings in a single bound....Ah, okay, maybe not that last one.

Then I found out I was only human.  Ha!  Imagine my surprise that my 'unconditional' love turned into love with hoards of conditions!  Imagine my surprise when I began to put someone else's emotional needs before mine (again) and proved to myself that I indeed did not love myself as fully (or unconditionally) as I thought!  Imagine my surprise when life began to place in front of me people and circumstances of all shapes and sizes whose sole (or soul) purpose was to mirror for me the things I had missed about myself, the flaws, the faults, the things I had tried to hide so neatly behind my smile.

Ack!!!

And then, the vulnerability, the shamefulness of this realization.

"Oh what a fool I have been" she says dramatically as the back of her hand rests on her forehead, head thrown back in anguish. 

Personal realizations like this one are probably the number one reason why many people don't even look at themselves in the mirror, for fear of being 'found out'.

That used to be one of my biggest fears, or at least the thing my ego would scream at me the most "what if people find out that you are a big ole fraudy pants?"

I think that subconsciously I knew what my shadows were and I knew I wasn't proud of them but I had no idea how to use them to my advantage.  So instead they became something I feared.  The very idea of the closet door swinging open to expose all of my skeletons made my skin crawl.

And here we are, the closet door has been kicked in and I have been staring into the deep empty eye sockets of those skeletons for over a month and you know what?  They are nothing more than plastic props made in China used by the ego to keep me stuck in fear and worry.  That's it!

I wish I could say that facing these skeletons didn't affect me emotionally, mentally or physically.  They definitely did.  But there was something that I kept in mind every time one of them would peek out of the door. 

I kept in mind something that I heard Joyce Meyers say on one of her programs.  She said "God knows every inch of you, He made you just the way you are, nothing you do surprises Him.  So there is no sense worrying about every move you make and wondering if you'll ever become the perfect person because in His eyes you are perfect.  So just live!  Go out there and do what you do with passion and forget about what the 'devil' is trying to tell you through your faults.  God loves you beyond your faults."

I used that quote/reminder like crazy!  It made sense to me and it brought me back from the brink of insanity.

I like that!










 

All Hail Chiropractors!

So last week I decided it was GO time in the self care department.

After three months of living with more opportunities for stressful reactions than I can count; I hadn't been sleeping well, was experiencing WAY too many headaches and well, after one deboched (I don't care if that's a spelling error) speaking engagement because my brain forgot where I was; I figured it was time to take a look at what all of this stress was doing to my nervous system (clearly it was wreaking havoc, but I needed proof). 

Remember that commercial of the eggs frying in a pan on the stove and the announcer saying "this is your brain on drugs"?  This is kind of how I felt walking into the chiropractic office last week.  I should have been wearing a "this is your nervous system on stress" sign.  I was a walking freak show, science experiment!

My symptoms included:  fatigue, loss of appetite, loss of joy/purpose, depression, diarrea, regular headaches ranging from low grade constant to occasional migraine, stiffness in my neck and lower back, brain fog/mental confusion, insomnia, unfocused thoughts, quick emotional reactions to the slightest incident, lack of interest in anything that usually brings me excitement and passion.

From the sounds of these symptoms you'd think I had been in a major accident or something.  The only thing that was causing all of this was the fact that I was taking on too much responsibility for other people, taking things personally and allowing my negative thoughts to run around unsupervised.


After the kind doctor informed me of the parts of my spine that were out of alignment and the fact that I had been walking around with a rib out of place, we had a good chuckle and he asked if he could run a scan during my next visit.  He had a 'kid in a candy store' look on his face, like he just hit the jackpot!

We did the scan today and I got another adjustment.  The scan shows some pretty major 'deficiencies' in how my nervous system is functioning.  It will take time and gentleness with myself to get back into a healthy state of being.  I'm looking forward to it.

I left his office today with a print off of my scan as a reminder to be kind to myself.  I also left feeling like there was  hope for me afterall, that I wasn't some sort of zombie mom without a future (a little dramatic?  NOT!)

After just two treatments my creative potential is back; I'm gaining perspective on where I've been and I feel good about moving forward.  In fact during the first treatment I began to feel lighter and more joyful.

Say it with me  "All Hail Chiropractors".
 

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Back To Basics

Dog walks have always given me a great opportunity to be in nature while I pray and meditate.  I love to walk with Sundae and be in silence.  The only setback to this is that Sundae loves to pull me along, chase leaves and squirrels and almost pulls my arm off as she jumps after other dogs.  It doesn't matter if we've been to the dog park or not she has lots of energy, walks very fast and some days I just can't keep up.

It has been making me increasingly frustrated and embarassed.  Especially when she decides she needs to play and jump with every dog that we come across.

I feel like I'm wearing the 'bad dog owner' t-shirt when we walk!

So in my frustration (it took me a while) I decided it was time to call in an expert.  So I called my 'dog whisperer' friend and she gave me a crash course in getting Sundae to walk 'respectfully'.

Funny enough, before we could begin the walking instruction we had to go back to basics.  We had to start at sit and stay.  We had to go back to the beginning.  Something we hadn't done with Sundae.  She could sit, but she didn't stay.  We never taught her to do those things and so we couldn't expect her to listen to us when walking.

Funny thing.  This same thing applies to our own personal journeys.

Lately I've been searching (more desperately than usual) for a deeper connection to Spirit.  I've been searching for deeper knowledge and understanding of myself.  I feel like I'm at a time in my life when I am seeking and striving to become 'better' more than I ever have before.

I am literally a dog on a leash, I've read and listened and learned and now I am ready to go go go!  The problem is that I haven't really learned the basics.  I haven't learned to sit and stay (aka be still)! 

"Be still and know that I am God" is a scripture that I love but never seem to take the time to digest.

If what I am looking for is a deeper connection with God.  Then all I have to do is be still.  Nothing else matters but this stillness.

Once we know how to sit and stay everything else becomes effortless.  It's much easier to move forward without straining and stressing out after you've taken the time to gain clarity through stillness.  It's easier to speak clearly. It's easier to listen more closely.  Being able to sit and stay gives us the gift of deeper connection that we are searching for.





 

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

My Love Affair

This Saturday I get to continue my love affair with public speaking!

The Some Ahhh In Your Life event takes place this Saturday @ Hilton, Windsor beginning at 9am.

There will speakers touching base on practically every area of life.  From health to personal growth to how to become more abundant financially!

Personally, I will be speaking about how you become what you believe.  So many of us don't realize that we are slaves to the beliefs we were fed as children.  Some of those beliefs serve us greatly, others keep us limited and stuck.

I'll be speaking from experience.  What I've learned about beliefs and how our lives follow the path of those beliefs is mind blowing and what I will share with the audience on Saturday will no doubt change lives.

I have some great tricks up my sleeve for this event and I can't wait to shed a little light and open some doors in the lives of those who attend this Saturday.

Hope to see you there!

Saturday, November 3, 2012

That's What I'm Talking About

Tonight on the way to hockey with Evan we were talking about the usual stuff. 

Me:  "So, how's school going?  Tried any pot yet?  How 'bout drinking?  Sex?"
Evan:  "Nope.  None of that.  I'm not big on partying, it's so stupid.  Kids get drunk and do things they'll regret and then it's all over facebook and it's just dumb.  Schools good.  Oh, but did you hear about so and so?"

This began a conversation that blew me away!

I have always said that you really don't know how good of a job you've done as a parent until your children are set free and they begin to make decisions for themselves and they begin to experience life without you holding their hand.  And even then, they are who they are and their lives are meant to be what they are meant to be.

My son proceeded to tell me about how a boy in his gym class was being bullied.  His gym bag had been put in the urinals and the boys in the class were really making his life miserable.

Evan took this boy aside and shared how he knew how he felt.  That he'd been bullied all through public school into grade nine.  He shared that he knew it sucked but that he wasn't alone.  There is someone else that understands him.

The story goes, that all of the boys from the class were marched to the office to each share their side of the story.  My son got pulled into what he called 'the big boss' office' and sat for an entire period talking to the principal about what he knew and how he had supported this boy.  The principal already knew what Evan had done because the other boy had told him.  He supported Evan in his efforts to stand by this boy and shared how proud he was of him for what he did.  The other boys got suspensions.

If I wasn't driving I would've stood up and started dancing while shouting "That's my boy!  That's my boy!"

As my boys grow, I see them making decisions that blow me away!  They are compassionate not only about others but about themselves as well.  They aren't afraid to say what they need to say and they aren't afraid to stand up and do the right thing.

It's freaking amazing to see their lives unfold. 

I'd say I'm proud, but it's a very different feeling than pride.  I feel incredibly blessed to have been given the opportunity to be a part of their lives.  To be able to look at them and say "I am their mother."

My struggles as a parent are like everyone else's, but somehow I've learned to take those struggles and turn them into success.  Somehow, my children are growing into responsible, compassionate adults!  Somehow....  Whew!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Just To Write

Have you ever journalled just for the sake of journalling?  Maybe you don't feel like you have anything really interesting to write about but there are all kinds of ideas and beliefs running through your head that you just can't keep them contained anymore?

I've been doing a lot of this kind of journalling lately.  It starts off with random thoughts and there's really no rhyme or reason to any of it.  Just words on a page.

This style of journalling/writing is WAY out of my comfort zone.  For the most part I am a 'paint by numbers' kind of girl.  I like my writing (as I like most things) to have a beginning, middle and end.  I like it all to be grammatically correct and interesting.  There must be a topic to follow and it has to make sense to my readers.

With random journalling what I end up with is a hodge podge of words and sentences.  Not at all my style.  But OH SO FREEING!!!

Freeing because I am taking what is going on inside of my head and I'm putting it down on paper.  It's therapeutic to bring what swirls around in our brains into our physical reality by giving it color and presence.  You can physically hold all of those random, crazy, sometimes scary, occasionally down right arrogant thoughts in your hands!  Then you can rip it up, burn it, squish it into a ball and toss it! 

Ahhhhh.......Release.....Freedom.......Luxurious empty headedness......

Writing and expressing for the heck of it.  Without a purpose in mind.  Complete abandon.

Give it a try.  Let go of your expectations.  Let go of your beliefs of what writing and journalling 'should' be and just trust in the process of allowing what is coming into your mind to spill out onto the paper.  Release the need to analyze, judge, fix or criticize.

Just let the words do the talking.  They'll explain everything ;)





 

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Mass Confusion

I am an avid personal growth participant.

I love books that can lead me to a better way to live life.  I love speakers that give me tips and tools on how to be a better me.  In my forty years on this planet I've spent tons of money on seminars and workshops to help me become more purposeful.  I've unloaded a wad of cash at the local bookstores buying up whatever 'self help' information they have available.  And I am addicted to YouTube videos showcasing spiritual and personal growth gurus.

And today as I sit here, blogging this for you; I am one confused kitten.

Almost every book or teaching has it's own 'process' or 'rules' to becoming free from stress, free from guilt, free from this and that and everything else plus the kitchen sink.

I've taken so much of this information into my mind that I don't know which end is up sometimes.

Am I supposed to set boundaries and stand my ground, not letting anyone step all over me?  Or am I supposed to keep my mouth shut because it's not my duty to 'change' everyone around me or point out where they are wrong in what they speak and act upon?

Am I supposed to pray or meditate, or both?  What happens to me if I can't get to that silent place of relaxation during yoga?  Will I really go to hell if I don't accept Jesus Christ as my Saviour?


The idea of being confused didn't really hit me until I began reading Anita Moorjani's 'Dying To Be Me' this weekend.  In the beginning of her book she talks about her confusion related to religious and cultural expectations and doctrine and how that confusion and fear created ill health.

Later in the book she describes a near death experience and what she learned about herself and life from that experience.

Basically, in a nutshell she blew my beliefs to smithereens and got me thinking about all of the stuff I've digested over the years!  That's all I'm going to say about the book because I think everyone needs to experience it for themselves when and if they choose.


 It truly got me thinking about all of my own confusion and the tendency I have to take a book, or teaching and whack myself over the head with it when I seem to be 'off track' or I have difficulty following the rules of the teaching.

My desire (ahem, desperation) to become the BEST ME I CAN BE means that I sometimes take outside opinions of who I should be and judge myself because "oops I had a negative thought" or "shit I'm not being very friendly".

Sometimes it feels like I'm fighting a losing battle because sometimes life creeps up and slaps me on the back and says "let's see what you do with this".

Here's the newsflash - this does not bring me JOY!!!!  This over the top, extreme pressure of being PERFECT does NOT bring ME joy!!!!

Who decided that this cycle of seeking, confusion, abuse; seeking, confusion, abuse is okay?  Who decided that we needed to live more in struggle than in happiness?

It's craziness really.  I think the only way to stop it is to STOP IT!  Cut out the over analyzing, knock off the 'having to take this course and that course to make me a better me'.  Stop looking for outside opinions telling you what and who you need to be.

There is no twelve step program to become more successful, more peaceful, more beautiful, more joyful, more tolerant, more patient, less judgemental, etc.  There isn't a magic mantra, affirmation or chant.  There isn't a yoga pose you can hold long enough that will give you super powers so you can snap your fingers and make all your stress and troubles go away.  There isn't!

Why?

Because we already are all of that (successful, peaceful, beautiful, joyful, tolerant, patient, non judgemental) at our core.  The reason why we can't see it is because we are too busy looking at the outside to notice the jewel living on the inside. We are too busy DOING when we need to be busy BEING.



There is one message that I have kept in my heart that seems to be the one that brings me the most happiness when my confusion and frustration with myself gets out of hand; and that is "You were born to be you and nobody else.  Who you are is a gift to this world just the way you are!  God knew you and loved you before your parents were even aware of you.  You are made and guided by divine purpose.  You are magnificent."

Ahhhh, that's much better.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

A Simple Message

As I walked the dog this afternoon, I began thinking about the people in my life that I wish I still had relationships with and I began to wonder what it would take in order to begin again.

Then a message floated in my heart.  At first I thought this was the message I was to share in order to bring people back into my life.  Then I realized it was a message that needed to be shared with everyone and that it's not exclusive to people who have left our lives; but includes our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with God (or the Universe, Buddha, Jesus, Krishna, whomever you feel close to or feel you need to develop a closer relationship with).  I imagine it to be the voice of that tiny spark that lives inside of each one of us.  That spark in me that can communicate effortlessly and beautifully to the spark that is within you.

Here it is; enjoy it, share it, love it.............

"I want to begin again.  I need to begin again.  I am feeling this message because I can.  Because it is a necessity to true healing.  What ails us can be cured with the truth that I am not a terrible person and you are not a terrible person and the circumstances to which we have found ourselves are not terrible.  In fact, they are beautiful.  Through these circumstances I have come to realize the value of your presence in my life.  The value of your face, your eyes, your voice, your arms, your heart.  We are not damaged, we are whole.  And in that wholeness we can find eachother again.  We can birth a new day, a new life, a new way of living that life; together.  Would you join me?  Would you enter this new day?  Would you heal with me?  My heart hopes you will."

 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Just To Share

I just read this paragraph in A Course In Miracles and I just have to share it!

"Love is not learned.  Its meaning lies within itself.  And learning ends when you have recognized all it is not.  That is the interference; that is what needs to be undone.  Love is not learned, because there never was a time in which you knew it not.  Learning is useless in the Presence of your Creator, Whose acknowledgment of you and yours of Him so far transcend all learning that everything you learned is meaningless, replaced forever by the knowledge of love and its one meaning."

As someone who insists on learning EVERY lesson that comes her way and has no problem bashing her head against a wall when she misses it; this paragraph rocked my world!

First of all....  Love is not learned.....

How many of us go around trying to learn how to love.

I know I do.  We think it's the person we've chosen and so we move onto someone else or we blame ourselves for being unloveable (like THAT'S possible! sheesh!).

Second of all....there was never a time in which you knew it not.....

In all of our 'trying' and banging our heads against the wall all we really needed to do was be still and see that we have known it all along.  It's been living inside of us all this time.

Third of all....That is the interference; that is what needs to be undone....

The interference.  The resistance to love.  When we seek and we believe we have to learn what love is we are in resistance to it's existence.

learning ends when you have recognized all it is not....  The suffering is needless and when we have come to the conclusion that love is not the stuff and people that surround us but who we ARE beneath all of that (Learning is useless in the Presence of your Creator, Whose acknowledgment of you and yours of Him so far transcend all learning that everything you learned is meaningless); the suffering ends.


I can't wait to end the suffering....

Monday, October 8, 2012

Gratitude for our Teachers

"I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers."  ~ Khalil Gibran

Isn't this the truth?

Usually these teachers are the people in our life that give us the most grief and so we tend to overlook the extreme gifts they are giving us in these lessons.

Today is Thanksgiving.  And what better way to give thanks than to go back briefly into past events and look at all of the great teachers we've invited into our lives and send them some gratitude.

I mean, let's face it.  It's a tough job to get us to look deeper at ourselves and get us to change!  Who else is going to teach you toleration but someone who is extremely intolerant?

Of course, those teachers that Khalil Gibran was speaking of, aren't aware that they are teaching us a great and valuable lesson.  But it is still up to us to find the gratitude for those things, no matter how horribly horrendous the lesson might have been.

In fact, finding gratitude for the teachers in our lives, helps them find their own peace and their own lessons.

 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Ahhhhhh Haaaaaaa!!!!!

This morning on my usual walk with the dog I began my usual round of prayers.

I heard myself ask for grace (again), for patience (again), for help in finding my peace (again).

Then I stopped.

I always ask for these things.  I always ask to be a comfort to someone, or to be a light in someone's world.  Lots of times I ask to be of service to the divine power.

Those prayers have already been answered.  99.9% of the time I am graceful, patient and peaceful.  99.9% of the time I am a comfort and a light in this world.

So, why am I still asking?

I posed this question to the dog as we walked. 

Well, Sundae didn't answer.  But I did hear something.

I pray for these things because I think this is what God wants me to pray for.  I pray for these things because I think that these are the things that will make me more loveable in His eyes.

Ahhhhh Haaaaaa!

Suddenly, my prayers changed.  Suddenly, I could see that I deserved to pray for what I truly needed in that moment.  It wasn't a selfish, entitled feeling.  It was more like a gentle reminder that I could have everything I needed without having to prove myself to anyone or anything in the process.

It feels to me like this is one of those moments that all I have read and all I have learned has suddenly become the living truth within my heart.

What a blessing it is when this happens.

 

A Mosh Pit of Posts


It's not uncommon for my list of posts to be tagged with the word "draft".  I get started on writing about something that I am going through or something I think is worthy of a blog post and then I get side tracked and forget what I was writing about...  Other times, the voices in my head tell me they aren't worthy of posting....
Today I was going through some of them and I thought "hey I could plunk them all together and make a post on it's own".  So that is what this is.  It's a Mosh Pit of Posts from my heart to yours :)
On turning 40:  The person I am growing into is a close replica of my dreams, I still have so far to go.

On getting the mother in law moved in:  Personally, I feel like a failure.

On…feeling stuck:  I feel like I am walking through quicksand and if I stop briefly it will swallow me up.

On teenagers waking you up asking for money:  This morning is one of those 'throw up in your mouth' kind of mornings.

On making the drive from Texas on my own:   A testament to the strength that lies in one teeny tiny individual Soul when you put your mind and heart to something and take action.

On settling in with a someone new living in the house:  "How am I going to make all of this work?"  Ahhh, that sentence just slowed me down. So many times it is me TRYING so hard to make something work that trips me up.

 

On the possibility of hockey being cancelled due to lack of volunteers:  Does it bother me that parents aren't stepping up to take part? Yes. Do I blame them?  No. Who wants to volunteer all kinds of time with other people's kids just to be criticized and yelled at when things don't go their way.
 

On the weeks following my trip from Texas:  For two weeks I have been less than comfortable in my own skin (this is code for I have been a bitch).

 

On confrontation:  I have this nagging feeling that by walking away I am being a coward.

 

On being alone on a beach during 24 hours of silence:  At one point ten turkey vultures started to circle above me. I felt a little nervous until I remembered they liked their meals already dead. For now I was safe.

 

On taking responsibility (this is all I had written):  "Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility." -- Sigmund Freud

Well, I hope you enjoyed that super short trip down 'draft' post lane :)  This is proof that just because you're a draft post doesn't mean you are a failure...  Sometimes draft posts get screen time too :)

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Pain of Change

"You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are.” ~ Joyce Meyer

Hoo Hoo!  I love this quote!

Personally I despise the pain of change, though it doesn't stop me from having faith and moving through it.  It hurts everywhere sometimes.  But the pain of remaining the way I was back in the day and even in remaining who I am today may take the lead in the pain department.

The way I was, was not comfortable at all.  Even when I was in the thick of being an emotional wreck, jealous, self centered, full of blame and judgement I knew I couldn't stay that way.  Knew that there was a better way to live and one day I would find out what it was.

Little did I know that in order to build a whole new you, you have to tear down the old you and boy that takes some time and energy and well, yes, some pain.

Sometimes change is happening and you don't know what is going on.  All you know is that you are a miserable, hot mess!  All you know is that life is not going well at all, that you aren't getting anything you want and everything is a battle and a challenge.

The pain of change can have you doubting your sanity.  It can have you on your knees crying and begging for it all to end.  It can have you turning your life upside down looking for answers and purpose.

Change can be frustrating and it can be very easy to start blaming the world for all of it's hang ups.

I'm moving through change right now.  Big change.  I don't like it.  It doesn't feel good.  I was ignoring change for a while, pretending it didn't exist (oh no you don't change, I am feeling good and doing good and I don't need you right now!).  Don't you wish you could put change on hold.  Don't you wish you had that kind of power?  lol  I know I do!

What I'm saying is this.  I know we are all struggling through change right now.  Every single one of us is experiencing a shift in our lives so profound we feel like we want to puke in our mouths most days.  Yum!  This may be the biggest change you have ever experienced in all of your days on this earth and you may be feeling alone and 'less than' because of it.

Last night I heard myself say "I feel not good enough".  Do you feel that way?

You are not alone and you are certainly not 'less than' anything.  You are a powerful being who is sucking it up in order to create something better in your life (some people have opted not to suck it up!).  You are a soul that is fulfilling a calling to do great things in this world.  You can't do the great things until you've done the homework.  I am often shown in visions that if the Creator were to put me where I want to be right now in this second I would lose my mind!  I wouldn't know how to handle myself.

So, with the promise of a great future comes some hard work.  It takes some digging and getting dirty.

Are you up for a little dirty?

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Outer Silence....Inner Conflict

So I thought I would be a smarty pants and adopt a 'silence is golden' attitude around here.  I cited (to myself) that there is just no sense saying something out loud that might offend, disappoint or piss someone off to the point where a new set of issues is born.

I'm just going to listen...  This is new territory for me...

Things were going great!  Silence...it seemed....really was golden and the road to take when in doubt.  Perfect!

Until I developed a pain in my neck.

No.  Seriously.  A physical pain in my neck.

Earlier in the week it was mild, just a slight tinge of pain and only felt if I wanted to look to the left.

Then it got bigger and stronger, making my head hurt and my left shoulder weak.  I got hubby to massage my neck one night and then we tried the TENS thingy majig on it.

Nothing.

If anything it got worse.

Then this morning hubby asked me what it means emotionally to have neck pain.  So, I looked it up (something I do for everyone else in my life, just not me).

Basically, neck pain relates to flexibility or rather the inflexibility you are exhibiting.  The left side neck pain means I am being inflexible in relation to the feminine aspect of my life.

But wait a minute!  I've been flexible.  I've been silent!!!!!  What the heck!!!

Here's the catch.  In my quest for outer silence, I had forgotten to keep track of what was happening within.  It wasn't my outer world that was causing my neck pain, it was my inner world.

What I hadn't noticed (or better yet, what I was ignoring) was that inside of me brewed an inner conflict.  There was a little war being waged inside of me.  My imaginary friends were having conversations in my head about how things SHOULD be and how I needed to be more peaceful, more loving, more entertaining, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!  Once I took a deeper look at it I realized that this inner conflict has been making me tired.  It's been weakening my energy little by little, I have become vulnerable to negative and toxic energy because I've allowed my inner self to be at war instead of promoting inner peace.  The domino effect had begun!!!

How many of us are walking around thinking we got it all going on?  We smile when appropriate, we say kind and loving things, we keep our opinions to ourselves AND at the same time we are worn out, we are experiencing spurts of frustration and anger out of the blue.  We are ignoring what is happening inside of us!  We may have it all going on on the outside, but on the inside we may be engaged in a battle!

So here is my Sunday lesson :)  Outer Silence (or seeming outer peacefulness) does not immediately add up to Inner Peace.  It can actually mean the opposite if you aren't paying attention (which I wasn't).  Now I'm going back to the drawing board, almost.  I'm not going to throw away my silence is golden option, though I am going to make sure I balance the silence with some inner reflection and healing to make sure that someone's paying attention in there!

I'm also learning about weakness and vulnerability and how much the ego LOVES when you are down and out and not paying attention to the stuff going on in your head.  More on that later :)

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Do Gooder

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to experience a moment of deep hurt and I've been thinking a lot about it, not because I wanted to analyze it to death, more because I wanted to understand where the hurt came from.

The circumstances don't matter here.  They never do.  What's important is the reflection, the healing that comes after the circumstance has left us and we are alone with the pain.

It was simple really.  The part of me that wants to do good, always, for everyone got her feelings hurt.

I beat myself up about that.  I criticized that 'good girl' for trying too hard, for having expectations of appreciation and gratitude.

I felt weak because I gave my power away and allowed someone to hurt me.

I felt ashamed of my reaction (my tears).

How many of us have been there and done that?

As a healer I want to heal.  I want to be the person that has the right thing to say and can uplift and inspire in a moments notice.  What I tend to forget is that not everyone is ready for that and that I am only the messenger in any of these situations, nothing more, nothing less.

What I realize now almost two weeks after the fact; that I felt vulnerable and immediately I wanted to shove that vulnerability into a drawer, but that little do gooder girl had to go and make an issue out of it.  I tried to silence her, look away, ignore her hurt.  But I couldn't, it was too deep and she needed to release it.

You see the truth is, that little do gooder girl inside of me is the one that makes the good things in my life happen.  She's the one with the heart of gold, the pure love and dreams of peace.  She's the one with the lofty goals.  She's the one that wants nothing but peace and happiness in this world.

The adult me couldn't give a rats ass about any of that stuff really.  The adult me, like all kinds of adults would love to hang onto the hurt and use it against someone.  The adult me would love to scream from the rooftops how I've been hurt and how justified I am in my anger and frustration.  But it's that little girl that keeps me from that, she's the one who pushes me to be better than that.  She is the strong one, the one who sees that compassion is what is needed, not hate and anger.  She's the one who convinces me to keep going even when I've been shot down.

So, I've come to the conclusion that I am not willing to sacrifice that little girl who wants to do good for the sake of adulthood and 'being strong'.  Ever.  Because real strength isn't in the confirming of how we've been wronged and rallying the troops for support.  Real strength is in the letting go, forgiving and moving on.


Thursday, September 6, 2012

I Meet Him There

For most of my life I have been in a state of resistance.  That resistance lead to lots of pain, oodles of anxiety and more than enough stress and worry.

Last year I met a woman who was working in a retirement home kitchen part time, going to nursing school, raising her daughter and expecting a little one.  When I expressed how amazing I thought she was for doing all of these things, she replied "God tells me where to go and I meet Him there".

It was that moment, hearing those words that I realized where I had been going off track in my life.   At that point in my life I was very busy trying to make things happen on my own, I was experiencing failure and setbacks at breakneck speed and it was making me crazy.  I felt like a constant failure.

Sometimes trying to make things happen in life is like rubbing two wet sticks together hoping to create a fire.  It takes so much energy and rarely produces any results!

Over the past year I've been fortunate enough to experience many moments of allowing God to tell me where to meet Him.

Each time I am willing to let go of my control freak, Type A nature.  I am rewarded.

I used to think that strength and success came only if you were busting your ass to make things work.

Now I realize that most often true strength and true success comes from being patient enough to wait for God to tell you where to meet Him and then making your way in that direction.

The purpose of life isn't in the moments of strife and struggle, far from it.  The purpose of life and the happiness, success and abundance you seek is in the patient, quiet, serene moments.

I wish you a life full of the latter.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Bring on the change....

In two more sleeps I will be flying to Texas in order to drive home with my mother in law and what is left of her belongings.

Two months ago she and I were on the phone having a conversation about her life, the changes that were coming with her career and how tired she was getting.  I could feel the corner of impossibility that she had convinced herself she was in and I immediately offered for her to come and live with us.

Instant relief.  A divine gift.  A simple solution to what seemed an impossible situation.

This wasn't a shock to us.  My husband has always felt we'd be taking in at least one of our parents at some point.  Thankfully we have been blessed with a home that has plenty of space to accommodate such a change.

The past two months I have felt steadfast in the decision and preparations.  I had so much fun choosing a color for her bedroom and getting the carpets cleaned and ready for her arrival.  Each week brought new 'issues' on her end, repairs to her house, unexpected shoulder surgery.  All in all I think things have gone very well for a transition as big as this one (well, from my persepective anyway)..

Her house has sold quickly and she was able to get rid of most of her belongings at a yard sale.

To make things a little bit more comfortable for her, I've set out some new ground rules for the boys.  Things like "close the door when you are in the bathroom taking a pee" and "chillax on the 'F' word use while playing Xbox".  You know the really important things that there should be rules about!

Other than that we should be good to go.

This transition, this change for my family is just one more experience for us to learn from.  From moment one I have felt as though this is a time of tremendous healing and growth for everyone involved.  I feel at peace knowing that my family is able to do this for someone we love, to take a burden and help them release it.  I love that we are showing our children how to do this (one day I might need a place to stay!)

I've gotten all sorts of advice (and wide eyed looks of shock) from my friends.  All of which I took in with a smile.  It is hard to explain the sense of peace I have inside of me about this transition, most people assumed it was something that was forced upon us.  Nothing is further from the truth.  This is a voluntary act of love.  In fact, it is an answer to my prayers.  I've learned long ago that if you are going to pray bold prayers you must step up and accept the bold answer!

Of course, there may be other issues or burdens that will come about (no doubt...this is life on earth afterall) and some emotional and physical adjustments to be made by all but I've been through enough in this life to know that I will survive them all and not only will I survive, but I will buy the t-shirt and wear it proudly :)

If anything this experience will make for some fantastic blog posts (sorry Mum, I'll try to be gentle){insert evil laugh}.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

We are all in this together

I have a confession to make.

I have done some not so nice things in my life.  I've spoken some not so nice words.  I've assumed some not so nice things about people and circumstances.  I've thrown people out of my life like last weeks leftovers.  I've blamed, I've ashamed, I've guilted and I've angered.

I've sometimes treated my loved ones like they were monsters.

My pride has kept me from seeing the truth.  My ego has kept me from taking responsibility for the hurt I've caused.

We could say 'oh it's okay, we ALL do that'.  But that would be no excuse for me.  I don't want to be like everyone else.  I want to be like me.  I want to hold myself to a higher standard of living.  I want to come into everything I do and into every relationship I have with compassion and love.

The past couple of months have been a real eye opener for me.  I believe this process of 'awakening' (for lack of a better term) has been going on for quite some time and it's really only just recently that I seem to be absorbing and 'getting' the idea of love, peace and forgiveness.

We all have people in our life and circumstances in our past that we hold onto.  Those who I've hurt in the past might feel the need to define me by that past for as long as we all shall live. And for a number of years I've done just that to them.  Keeping them on a line of 'debt', expecting repayment, my pride continuing to nag at me that it is important to be 'right' all the time.

What a miserable way to exist.  They are not their past and neither am I.

In fact, over the past two months my heart has opened up to the realization that this behaviour has created a veritable hell on earth and I am no longer able to play the game.

This behaviour of holding people responsible for their past, many years after the incident has taken place serves no one.  I should know.  I severed ties with my family because of belt buckles. 

You heard me.  Belt buckles.

At the time I thought I was justified.  I thought I was right to be angry.  I thought that someone should come and bow down to me and ask forgiveness.  (See what thinking can do to you?)  So, I have no relationship with my family based on belt buckles.  Then belt buckles morphed into past hurtful words and actions, and so on and so forth (you get the picture).

Who on earth did I think I was?

I hadn't once in my insane grudge holding think of the other people involved or what they might be struggling with.  I was completely and utterly compassionless, self centered and mind blowingly full of ego!

Interesting thing...  At the time I thought I was spiritual...  lmfao!  At the time I was filled with so much of myself that I thought I was the right one and they were the wrong ones.

What I have learned with the help of Spirit is that no one is right and no one is wrong.  We are all literally insane.  We all literally do not know what we do to eachother.  We cannot see the tremendous impact that our insistence on keeping the past in the present has on our lives and the lives of the people around us. 

But that can change.  We can be willing to see it and we can be willing to forgive ourselves for doing what we did not know was so damaging.

The key to changing this around for ourselves lie in the courage to take a deeper look at where we may be the ones causing the issue in the first place, then to have the strength to forgive each and every thing we feel we have done to contribute to the pain of the people in our lives and ultimately in the world.

As I write this I am filled with deep emotion.  I know that this 'confession' has to happen for something to change in my life.  I am ready to make amends for all that I have done to contribute to sadness and hurt in this world.

Are you ready to make your own confession?  You won't be alone.  I will be right here beside you, walking the path as well.

Because, really we are all in this together.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Keep Showing Up!

If there's one thing I've learned in my journey, it's to keep showing up.

Nothing will happen in your life if you don't say 'bring it on' to a few tough things.

I know lots of people that want something different for themselves and yet they sit on their hands and swallow their words all the time.

I remember being totally miserable in my life.  I hated where I lived, I blamed my husband for my depressed outlook on life (isn't it always the husbands fault?), I had issues with my kids and my kids had issues with me.  I was stressed about finances and just about everything else back in those days.

Back then I would just blame everyone and everything around me.

I didn't know enough to 'show up' for myself and try to change things.  I thought everyone around me needed to be the ones to change.

I know  differently today.  And everyday I make it a point to show up, do something to bring what I want to fruition.

I thought about this topic today, as I was offered an opportunity through my artwork.  The beautiful soul across from me was so excited about the vision she was having and said to me "do you think you'd be interested in doing this?"  I didn't have to think twice about it.  I said 'yes' right away.  When it comes to my artwork the answer 'yes' is at the top of my reply list.  So far I have witnessed this new found gift grow and evolve into something magical, and all because I say 'yes' to every opportunity that my artwork offers to me.

It's not a coincidence that I'm experiencing this, the fact is that if we all just show up and say 'yes' to new opportunities then the Universe is more apt to bring you what you are needing in order to experience positive change in your life.

So what have you been wishing for?

More money?  Better relationships with your kids?  More intimacy with your spouse?  Career change?

Making a change in any of these, will mean showing up.  Take a step, even if it's a bit of a risk.  Even if you don't know for sure if it will work out.  You must take some sort of action for the Universe to know that you are serious about wanting change.

Earlier in the month I applied for a full time position at the local hardware store.  Do I want to work full time?  Not really.  But I have been asking the Universe for the opportunity to create a more steady and stable income that my family can rely on each month.  If I ask for it, then I have to be willing to show up when the Universe puts a 'help wanted' sign in my face.  So I applied.  I put out my best resume and wrote the most endearing cover letter explaining why I would be such an amazing asset to their establishment.

The other day I noticed that they've taken the 'help wanted' sign out of the window and every day I ask the boys if there are any messages from anyone wanting to hire me.  Nothing.

Have I received extra money over the past month?  Yep.  Sometimes it comes as a Reiki client, sometimes it comes as an order for a drawing.  And sometimes it comes on my husbands paycheque.  It doesn't matter where it's coming from really.  It matters only that it's coming.


I used to be someone who would cry herself to sleep over money.  I'd worry and fret and call my financial planner and cry into the phone about my worrying and fretting. 

Did you know that worrying, fretting and crying don't result in money coming in?  Did you know that none of those things are equal to showing up?

My point?  If you want change, show up.  If you want things to be different, show up.  Don't complain about the change you wish for.  Don't blame the need for change on anyone.  Take the bull by the horns and 'git 'er done!'.

Stepping up and showing up will be the best thing you've ever done.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Love Fest

I love a good challenge.

Sometimes I purposefully place myself in a challenging situation to see how I will react.  You know, kind of as a test to gauge where I am on my path and if anything I've learned has stuck inside this crazy brain of mine.

One thing I've been doing on purpose lately is to really look at the people I encounter with love {yes, even the guy in traffic that insists on shooting me the finger as he passes by}, instead of the usual fly by the seat of my pants judgement I'm so used to practicing {oh don't be like that, you know we all do it!}

At first it was difficult.  To look directly in the face of someone {usually a stranger} and say to yourself "I see only love in this face".  I wondered why it was so difficult, then realized that when I am saying this to someone, I am also saying it to myself {and we all know self love is a serious hot button for most people, myself included}.  Eventually though as time has gone on, I have found it has become mostly automatic AND I have noticed the residual effect of extreme joy welling up inside of me when I practice.

What's interesting about this little challenge is that I am starting to see huge judgement everywhere, like all of a sudden someone has pulled out a magnifying glass and you can't escape even the slightest sound of judgement.

I haven't perfected my practice.  Obviously.  This is one of those long roads and ego {like it does}will always draw me back into it's insanity as a way of giving me more reference points.  But the magnifying glass has been drawn on me as well.  As soon as I find myself in a position of judgement I find I am placed in a position of seeing what is happening as a third party.  Almost like watching a movie play out in front of me.

It's a serious trip!

Here's the greatest part.  No sooner do I see how I am contributing and where I am about to judge, when I am given an opportunity to stop.  I think maybe the practice of purposefully seeing love in everyone has opened up this space inside of me that now gives me a chance to make a change before the judgement is released out into the world.

So, why am I sharing this?  Why do I think you would care?

Well, I think we are all walking around tired of the way life is heading.  I think we are all tired of the politics, the competition and the lies that we tell ourselves everyday just to get through one more moment of insanity.

What if each of us decided to purposefully look into the face of everyone we lay our eyes on and affirm that we see only love? 

What would our lives look like then?  Imagine the gossip that would erupt if everyone we saw was love?

I can just hear the buzz in the coffee shops now....  "Oh my goodness I saw the most loving woman the other day with the most beautiful eyes and kind smile.  I feel like everywhere I look is beauty and that I am in some kind of amazing dream! Everyone I encounter is friendly and helpful and just so full of love.  It makes me feel so warm inside."  "Well, then you're just never going to guess what happened to me the other day......blah, blah, blah amazing....blah, blah, blah incredible loving feeling.....blah, blah, blah just the greatest day of my life.......".

You get the picture.

So why not challenge yourself to a little love fest of your own and see the changes it will inspire in you?

**WARNING:  Seeing in love in others is seriously addictive and may lead to feelings of extreme joy and the strong need for random acts of kindness. **

Saturday, August 11, 2012

A Word About Bullying.....

With the start of a new school year fast approaching, there are no doubt millions of kids with one thing on their mind.


Summer vacation offers kids a reprieve from the daily abuse they suffer at the hands of a playground bully.  When vacation winds down the anxiety and stress of a new school year and the thought of enduring bullying behaviour starts to take it's toll.

I woke up this morning wondering why it is that bullying has become such a widespread problem.  Despite highly recommended anti-bullying programs being implemented in the school system and a brand new law against bullying we are seeing bullying behaviour sky rocket and explode!

Why is this?

Here's my theory.

We don't teach our children self love.  We teach them how to strive for higher grades, become the best at the sport or art of their choice.  We constantly put emphasis on the exterior instead of focusing them inward.  Our children are suffering from self love deficiency. 

In my mind the bully and the bullied are both the same.  They are both experiencing a disconnect from their loving nature.  The only difference is how they handle it and how that disconnect manifests for each of them.

I have read all kinds of reports and research that say that a child who bullies does not have a low self esteem.  And that there really isn't any explanation for the behaviour, except maybe that it is just kids being kids.

I've also read many thoughts on what people think children should do in a bullying situation and what parents should teach their kids in order to avoid bullying altogether.

None of the suggestions include reinforcing the need for love and compassion with self and with others.

Last February when my son was attacked while walking home from school, I made sure to empower him by taking him to the OPP station to report the incident (allowing him to place the responsibility of resolution in the hands of an authoritative figure brought deep relief).  Then we discussed how sad it was that the boy who provoked the attack felt the need to do so and how much his behaviour indicated how much he did not love himself.  Because if he loved and valued himself he might never think to devalue someone else.  My son never fought his attacker, he thankfully walked away unharmed and did not suffer from any post traumatic stress.

Despite being the 'victim' of the attack.  My son understood what I was telling him and he was able to look at this bully with compassion instead of anger or even fear.  I also explained to him the power within his decision for non-violence.
In my opinion I believe if we teach our children about self love and compassion we will see a decrease in the number of bullying incidents.  Why?  Because when your child is secure in himself there is no need to take offense.  The bully can say and do what they like but if your child is wholely secure in themselves there is no need for it to go further than the initial act of something being said or done. 

The other half of this is that at some point very soon we as parents/guardians need to realize that we aren't just raising our kids, we are raising our future and we need to reconcile what we want that future to look like.  In reinforcing compassion and self love you are reinforcing your child's natural leadership qualities so that they can then lead by example.

Imagine what our world would look like if it were filled with confident, compassionate and loving people?  We can hope for the best or we can take action towards fulfilling that image.

This isn't about excessive praise or coddling your child.  It's about helping them see situations through more compassionate, empathetic eyes.   This is their natural gift (just as it is ours), it isn't hard to show your child how to be compassionate.  This is who they want to be because it is what feels good to them.

There are countless opportunities to practice this each and every day.  Our children are hyper aware of the world around them, even if they don't watch or read the news, they know that there is chaos and mayhem in this world.  Use various news stories as a catapult for compassionate conversation.

I've even used our daily interactions with eachother as a way to emphasize compassion.  Afterall, families are our greatest teaching aids and something is always popping up that makes an excellent lesson.

Now is the perfect time to get started in this practice.