Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Wouldn't it be great?

Wouldn't it be great if you could sit around a table with people who you've experienced hurt with and laugh about it.

Wouldn't it be great if even after many years of not communicating, assuming the worst about eachother and digging into a fresh chapter of your 'story' you could sit and sip a latte and discuss with those people how utterly ridiculous it all was.

Wouldn't it be great if even though you have said things that you now wish you could take back and replace with something a little more intelligent you could pick up the phone and call that person and get a warm welcome.

Wouldn't it be great if we all didn't walk around with so much shame and guilt inside of us for past experiences that we could truly forgive ourselves and others?

When I think of world peace, this is the concept I think of.  Wars in the world end when the wars in our personal worlds do.

With so much emotion and so much misunderstanding sometimes in our lives, as humans we still seek the only thing that has and ever will matter.  Love.  To love and to be loved.  By everyone in our life.  Even by those we don't always agree with, especially by those we don't always agree with.

It's simple really.  Love doesn't require words, or gifts or even face to face apologies.  Love only requires a willingness to be in eachothers presence so that it can be felt and understood.

I had a friend once that gave me the greatest gift she ever could give to me.  That was the willingness to open her life to me again after we had parted ways in an unpleasant way.  After not speaking for a year or so I sat behind her at a school function.  The entire time my heart just kept opening up to her to the point where I just wanted to give her a big hug.  I missed her presence in my life.  After the function I went home and sent her an email (yes I chickened out of going straight to her front door, for fear she would slam it in my face and reject me - yes, I have rejection issues!) asking her to consider our friendship, she thought it over and came back to me with a 'yes'. 

Our friendship wasn't the same as it was before.  It was the fact that I could have tea with her again, or say hello in passing, or be in the same room and smile at eachother again that made all the difference to me.

When there is disconnect in a relationship it feels excruciating to me.  It feels like a giant piece of myself is missing.  I am a firm believer that not all relationships are meant to last, I believe wholeheartedly that we are all here to serve a purpose for eachother and then move on when the time comes.  But moving on with love is very different than moving on with anger and hurt.

Because no matter what the situation, down the road when your eyes are clearer and your mind is more open things begin to make sense and your heart begins to forgive and reach out, and it is at that point that it would be nice to be able to express that and have it accepted.

Wouldn't that be great!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Something fishy....

Last night we did our annual Christmas Day watching of The Sound of Music.

Somewhere in the middle of the movie my hubby turned to me and said "you want to be Maria don't you?"

Me:  Of course I do!

Hubby:  You could be a nun.

Me:  No!  I want to be an outspoken, free-spirited, play a guitar and dance around the mountains kind of Maria.

Hubby:  I'm just saying you could totally be a nun.  You've already had your kids.

By this point I have no idea where the heck this conversation is going but it is totally cracking me up!

Me:  I knew it!  You are trying to get rid of me so you can be with your girlfriend and start spending the money you've been putting aside in that Swiss bank account.

Hubby:  No, I'm just saying if you want to be a nun, I will support you.

Something is fishy around these parts!

Today is a good day....

Today is a good day.

And guess what? 

I didn't have to do a thing to make it so!

It just is.

Isn't that great?

Now let's think about the alternative.

Today is a naturally good day and I could choose to be struggling to make it better than it is.

And in that struggle I would totally lose the sense of natural goodness and instead focus on all that is going wrong in my quest for even more 'good'.

Have you ever found yourself in a struggle to make something 'better than'?

I bet you have.  It happens all the time, it's human nature to assume that if something just naturally is good then if we mix some control and manipulation and struggle into that we'll get something even more spectacular.


If there's anything this past month has taught me is that struggle is fruitless.  It gets you nothing and nowhere.

It's best just to take the day for what it is and smile.  Because good or bad, it's WAY better than what someone else may be experiencing.

And because I'm pretty sure it's a Universal Law that life is just naturally good, all by itself, all the time.  It's the human mind that decides otherwise.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

What have I got to lose?

I've been asking myself this question alot lately.

When it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone and putting myself even further out into the world as a healer I find it's easier to step out as a small, insignificant Jenn.  Not at all the Jenn I am, and not at all the Jenn I wish to be in this world.

Last week I met a woman I'd only spoken to online.  She was so excited to finally meet me and I believe her exact words were "I can't believe I'm actually meeting you!"


But I'm just me.  What's so great about that?

I think we can all relate to this inner conundrum.  With the advancement of technology it's easier and easier for us to become who we want people to see us as, but it doesn't take away the fact that we are still human beings, struggling with our own shit and trying to feel confident about ourselves; completely and honestly confident.

I was flattered (of course who wouldn't be) by this woman's sentiment.  She was so sweet!

And it prompted some deep questionning for me.  Why do I not wake up everyday that excited to see myself?  If someone else thinks I'm worthy of that adoration then why don't I?  What have I got to lose by seeing myself as this spectacular, inspiring person instead of as the small, shy, insignificant girl?

The answer is......NOTHING!

None of us has anything to lose when it comes to stepping into the shoes that God sent us here to wear. 

You know those shoes that are sitting in the box on a shelf in the back of your closet collecting dust. 

Why don't we wear them?  Why don't we willingly put those shoes on everyday and wear them proudly?

When I search my heart for an answer to those questions I find that the truth is I'm scared of someone not liking my shoes.  That's ridiculous, right?  And if I dig even deeper I see that it's me that I'm scared of.  What if I LIKE who I am in those shoes?  What if I totally ROCK those shoes (btw, I see my shoes as those ruby red ones from the Wizard of Oz, totally blinged out and hard to ignore)!

What if, what if, what if.

If I continue this way I may just 'what if' myself to death!

Anyway, the point is I think in honour of a new year fast approaching, we dig out those shoes, dust them off, shine them up and put them on!  Wear who you are proudly because the world needs you to and more importantly because YOU need YOU to!

I can't wait to see what your shoes look like!

Friday, December 16, 2011

It's A Wonderful Life....

Today has been one of those days when everywhere I look I see abundance.

Funny because yesterday (and the days before that) was one of those days where I was seeing anything BUT abundance.

I was lucky enough tthis morning to get a Shiatsu treatment from my good friend Erin.  She helped my body release some pent up tension, anxiety and emotion.  I've been way too hard on myself lately and my body was taking the brunt of it.

Then I was fortunate enough to be helped by the most generous gentleman over the phone as I tried to find a Christmas gift for my Mum in law.  He made heads and tails of what I was trying to find and promised me he'd put something special together for her. 

Not long after I hung up the phone from that call the door bell rang and there stood my neighbour with a plate filled with the most delicious looking baked goods!  I almost cried as I hugged her tight and thanked her for her generosity (plus, I've had the biggest craving for sweets lately)!  This is the same neighbour that gave my son (their paper boy) 2 Detroit Red Wing tickets for a Christmas gift!

Benjamin and I walked Sundae to the post office and back today.  On the way home he ran ahead with her so she could get some energy out and watching the two of them run off filled me up with something I hadn't felt in a long time.

It felt like hope.

I don't know about you, but I think that feeling is just what this time of year should be about.

It isn't that this day is any different than any other day really.  I didn't wake up in a spectacular mood, I didn't eat anything different for breakfast.  It's just that today I opened my eyes to the beauty and blessings that life has to offer. 

Those blessings are forever flowing, today is proof of that.

I posted on facebook the other day that if you are stuck in one moment, if you feel you aren't good enough in one moment, just hang in there until the next moment comes along.  The next moment is the moment that will rock your world and blow your mind.

And today, it most certainly did!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Pain of Growth Spurts

Remember when you were a kid and you were going through a growth spurt?

Sometimes it felt like you didn't fit in your own skin.  Sometimes your bones ached.  Sometimes you found yourself falling over things, clumsy as an ox in a body that was growing so fast it took you a while to readjust your balance.  And if you were a girl the pain of the breasts that were about to blossom was almost unbearable at times!

The truth is whether your growth spurt is physical, emotional or spiritual, they are sometimes painful.

I've been reminding myself of this fact over the last few weeks, as I am once again in the middle of a growth spurt.

I feel like I am visiting this space of internal questioning far too often anymore, like the train of change just keeps on moving and I barely have time to stop for a pee break and grab a snack!

I know I'm not alone.  But at the same time it does feel lonely.

At one time or another we all come across this state of being where we feel like we are stuck in a rut.  I prefer to think of this time as a much needed rest, or that my 'stuckness' is just a way to let life catch up to me :)

Whatever it is though, it just is.  I can change it a bit through music and laughter, I can even shift some of the stagnant feelings with poetry and art but whatever needs to happen in this time is perfect and I just need to practice patience, as well as kindness towards myself.

My belief that I am everything I need to be in every moment keeps me from getting caught up in the craziness.  I know that when this low is over (and it will be shortly) there is going to be a whole lot of high!  And I will be more than ready for it :)

Friday, December 9, 2011

I Love Touchy Subjects.....

I love touchy subjects, don't you?

I love them because of the uproar they cause.  I love them because they tend to dredge up emotions that otherwise wouldn't be acknowledged.  They go to the root of all hurt and pain and allow us the opportunity to take out a mirror and see exactly what this subject does to us.

The touchy subject of the day is Christmas.

Oh yes, you knew this was coming.

Personally, I am not a fan.  I think it's WAY over rated. 

Yes, I put up my tree and I trim it with decorations.  I have even spent years making it a big deal for my kids because I like to be a hypocrite that way.

I also allow others to enjoy the holidays the way they wish to enjoy them.  No matter what their cultural, religious background is, you won't hear me bad mouth other traditions.  And you definitely won't hear me defend my 'right' as a Canadian to keep "Merry Christmas" in our language.

Right around the middle of November I start getting forwarded emails urging me to share the message that we as Canadians should not be forced to stop saying "Merry Christmas" because it might hurt the feelings of immigrants that have come to our country to live.  That if they don't like it they can go back to their country.

I hate getting these emails.  I never forward them and to be honest I question the integrity of the person sending them.  It's hatred and bullying and it's disturbing.

Has everyone gone mad?

Let's review...

What is Christmas?  What is the 'reason for the season'?

Christ was born (apparently...  that's a whole other blog post). 

What did Christ stand for?  Love, compassion, equality for everyone. 

What does Christ want for us?  To love one another unconditionally, to embrace our differences and learn from eachother (I'm guessing here).

So if you are so hell bent on celebrating Christmas the way Christmas 'is meant to be celebrated' then I suggest doing away with the intolerant messages, stop centering people out because they won't conform to our culture and traditions. 

Didn't we all learn how to play nice and get along in Kindergarten?

For me, it is the intention of the holiday that matters.  If your heart is speaking "Merry Christmas" and is living in the space of love and acceptance that Christ taught, then what does it matter if we get to say it out loud?  What does it matter if our kids get to sing proper Christmas carols in school or not.  What does it matter if stores announce "holiday sales" instead of "Christmas sales"?

Personally, I see more people concerned about one upping last years gifts than they are about what the season really means.  They have no problem pushing and shoving their way to the latest gadgets only to yell at the staff because they don't have the color they wanted.

Grow up people.  Show your true Christmas spirit!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Unleash Your AWESOMEness Summit

Unleash Your AWESOMEness!

Your AWESOMEness lives inside of you just waiting to be noticed and unleashed!  This full day event will get your juices flowing and inspire you to live life in your naturally awesome way!

Join Jennifer Merritt, Heather Chauvin, Rosemary Heenan and Kelly Cowan for an unforgettable day of opening up to your natural you.  Learn how to find your natural intuitive and healing gifts.  How to bring positive energy and thoughts into your life and use them to change your life around.  Learn how your true being lives in your heart and how to connect with that power!

This event is going to ROCK YOUR SOCKS and the changes you will see in yourself will amaze you!

Contact for ticket purchase or call Jennifer @ (519)903-2113

Natural Consequences... A Parents Best Friend

How many times have you stepped into a situation to try and 'save' your child from natural consequences?

The fact is, this happens ALOT!  This is a pandemic in the parenting world if you ask me. 

It's what I like to call the 'my child is perfect' syndrome.

Parents intervening at school, blaming teachers for their child's behaviour.  Going head to head with team coaches so that their kids get more play time in the game.  Even going so far as to congratulate their children when they have hurt another.

What is wrong with us?!?!?!

We can all think of at least one adult in our life who was raised with this parental attitude.  They don't  take responsibility for their own behaviour, often times they have severe addictions, mommy and daddy are still helping them out financially (with little to no appreciation I might add), they blame and expect others to do their bidding in life.  And they whine when life isn't handing them all that they desire on a silver platter.

Does this sound like the kind of adult you want your child to be?

What I have learned through the years is that life is a great teacher and motivator.  One way it does this is through natural consequences.  Natural consequences aren't about someone else stepping in and 'saving' someone from their behaviour.  It's about nature itself taking care of what isn't balanced and sending a message. 

We see it all the time as adults.  Speeders get tickets (usually) or one day experience an accident (both are natural consequences).  If  you don't pay your taxes or mortgage you lose your house (a natural consequence), if you don't pay your utilities they get shut off (a natural consequence).  If you don't show up at work you get fired (yet another natural consequence).

So how come we don't want our children to learn from natural consequences?  Because they seem too harsh?  Because we don't want to look like bad parents?  Because it might cost us money?

If children were meant to be saved from all of the 'terrible' things out in the world that could possibly happen, they would've come with a giant plastic bubble.

The child who ignores curfew will one day be spoken to by police, have his name written down and will be driven home by said police (been there done that).  If your child goes to a school dance drunk they will most likely kick him out or have the police called on them.  If your child doesn't do his/her homework or show up to class they will fail or not get into the college/university of their dreams.  If your child has unprotected sex, they will most likely (eventually) encounter a natural consequence to that as well.

As much as it is hard to step back and allow life to teach our children, it is much more rewarding to see them learning for themselves in a natural setting and to be honest forcing your child to learn a lesson YOU want him/her to learn is time consuming, stressful and does not make for a very productive relationship at all.

So next time your child refuses to learn your way.  Allow life to step in and give him the lesson he truly needs.

Give it a shot.  I'm guessing you have nothing to lose.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Puppy Rules!

If ever I needed proof that lack of sleep leads to craziness & depression, I've found it.

New puppy.

No sleep for 4 nights now.

Equals.  Depressed feelings, depressed and crazy poems running through my head and a general lack of enthusiasm for anything that requires me to stand upright.

Just like back in the day when I was a new mom (eons ago!).  I had this same feeling of disconnectedness, like I was in a bubble, nothing I did was right and I was a complete waste of the term mother because I couldn't seem to get my act together.  I would cry when I was supposed to laugh and laugh when I was supposed to cry!

This new puppy has put me back into that same space of vulnerability.  She has me checking out every YouTube video imaginable to see if I'm doing it 'right'.  She has me second guessing my very strong intuition and she has single handedly (or pawedly?) turned our calm peaceful household into the land of the dead and cranky!

She's got the humans pitted against eachother and she is the CUTE AND CUDDLY master of deception!  One minute we're biting eachothers heads off the next we're doing the "Oh cute little baby, whose the baby, yes you're the baby, goo goo gah gah" with her. 

She has us wrapped I tell you!

I've always loved my sleep.  I'm beginning to realize though how important sleep is for my mental health.  Watching myself deteriorate little by little each day, hearing the voices in my head talk behind my back is making me nervous, you should hear the things they say!  I'm one sleepless night away from becoming a crazy bag lady that talks to herself on the street (btw. If anyone knows where I can get a cheap grocery cart let me know).

I've never in my life looked so forward to three o'clock in the afternoon when the boys come home from school. 

Watching them walk through the door is like taking the first bite of my favourite dessert,  divine bliss runs through my blood knowing that there is someone in the house that can puppy sit while I take a little nap!  A sweet, luxurious nap!  Oh my!

And yes, before you ask she has a crate.  That's what keeps her up all night!  I spend the time listening to her barking and whining and imagine that she is saying 'get me the fuck out of this crate, stupid human.  Can't you see that I am the ruler of this castle.  Rulers must not be crated!"  She says it in different tones and squeals to see which one gets the response.  Usually it's the high, sharp bark that gets my attention, that one means 'business'!

I know sleep will return to us sooner than we expect and to be honest, she's an absolute doll, totally smart (like her mama used to be before sleep deprivation) and a fast learner.  We couldn't be more happy that she's with us.

Sundae & Benjamin