Saturday, August 18, 2012

We are all in this together

I have a confession to make.

I have done some not so nice things in my life.  I've spoken some not so nice words.  I've assumed some not so nice things about people and circumstances.  I've thrown people out of my life like last weeks leftovers.  I've blamed, I've ashamed, I've guilted and I've angered.

I've sometimes treated my loved ones like they were monsters.

My pride has kept me from seeing the truth.  My ego has kept me from taking responsibility for the hurt I've caused.

We could say 'oh it's okay, we ALL do that'.  But that would be no excuse for me.  I don't want to be like everyone else.  I want to be like me.  I want to hold myself to a higher standard of living.  I want to come into everything I do and into every relationship I have with compassion and love.

The past couple of months have been a real eye opener for me.  I believe this process of 'awakening' (for lack of a better term) has been going on for quite some time and it's really only just recently that I seem to be absorbing and 'getting' the idea of love, peace and forgiveness.

We all have people in our life and circumstances in our past that we hold onto.  Those who I've hurt in the past might feel the need to define me by that past for as long as we all shall live. And for a number of years I've done just that to them.  Keeping them on a line of 'debt', expecting repayment, my pride continuing to nag at me that it is important to be 'right' all the time.

What a miserable way to exist.  They are not their past and neither am I.

In fact, over the past two months my heart has opened up to the realization that this behaviour has created a veritable hell on earth and I am no longer able to play the game.

This behaviour of holding people responsible for their past, many years after the incident has taken place serves no one.  I should know.  I severed ties with my family because of belt buckles. 

You heard me.  Belt buckles.

At the time I thought I was justified.  I thought I was right to be angry.  I thought that someone should come and bow down to me and ask forgiveness.  (See what thinking can do to you?)  So, I have no relationship with my family based on belt buckles.  Then belt buckles morphed into past hurtful words and actions, and so on and so forth (you get the picture).

Who on earth did I think I was?

I hadn't once in my insane grudge holding think of the other people involved or what they might be struggling with.  I was completely and utterly compassionless, self centered and mind blowingly full of ego!

Interesting thing...  At the time I thought I was spiritual...  lmfao!  At the time I was filled with so much of myself that I thought I was the right one and they were the wrong ones.

What I have learned with the help of Spirit is that no one is right and no one is wrong.  We are all literally insane.  We all literally do not know what we do to eachother.  We cannot see the tremendous impact that our insistence on keeping the past in the present has on our lives and the lives of the people around us. 

But that can change.  We can be willing to see it and we can be willing to forgive ourselves for doing what we did not know was so damaging.

The key to changing this around for ourselves lie in the courage to take a deeper look at where we may be the ones causing the issue in the first place, then to have the strength to forgive each and every thing we feel we have done to contribute to the pain of the people in our lives and ultimately in the world.

As I write this I am filled with deep emotion.  I know that this 'confession' has to happen for something to change in my life.  I am ready to make amends for all that I have done to contribute to sadness and hurt in this world.

Are you ready to make your own confession?  You won't be alone.  I will be right here beside you, walking the path as well.

Because, really we are all in this together.

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes people change. And sometimes they don't. My only real regret is that we cannot heal a relationship that is too badly damaged. At least, not in this decade. Not while we have small children that could be too deeply hurt by it. Someday? Maybe. If the other party has honestly changed. But we know that this is not so...

    Forgiving isn't the hard part for most of us. It's the "forgetting" that is tricky.

    Best of luck on your journey...


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