What have I got to lose?

I've been asking myself this question alot lately.

When it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone and putting myself even further out into the world as a healer I find it's easier to step out as a small, insignificant Jenn.  Not at all the Jenn I am, and not at all the Jenn I wish to be in this world.

Last week I met a woman I'd only spoken to online.  She was so excited to finally meet me and I believe her exact words were "I can't believe I'm actually meeting you!"

Really?

But I'm just me.  What's so great about that?

I think we can all relate to this inner conundrum.  With the advancement of technology it's easier and easier for us to become who we want people to see us as, but it doesn't take away the fact that we are still human beings, struggling with our own shit and trying to feel confident about ourselves; completely and honestly confident.

I was flattered (of course who wouldn't be) by this woman's sentiment.  She was so sweet!

And it prompted some deep questionning for me.  Why do I not wake up everyday that excited to see myself?  If someone else thinks I'm worthy of that adoration then why don't I?  What have I got to lose by seeing myself as this spectacular, inspiring person instead of as the small, shy, insignificant girl?

The answer is......NOTHING!

None of us has anything to lose when it comes to stepping into the shoes that God sent us here to wear. 

You know those shoes that are sitting in the box on a shelf in the back of your closet collecting dust. 

Why don't we wear them?  Why don't we willingly put those shoes on everyday and wear them proudly?

When I search my heart for an answer to those questions I find that the truth is I'm scared of someone not liking my shoes.  That's ridiculous, right?  And if I dig even deeper I see that it's me that I'm scared of.  What if I LIKE who I am in those shoes?  What if I totally ROCK those shoes (btw, I see my shoes as those ruby red ones from the Wizard of Oz, totally blinged out and hard to ignore)!

What if, what if, what if.

If I continue this way I may just 'what if' myself to death!

Anyway, the point is I think in honour of a new year fast approaching, we dig out those shoes, dust them off, shine them up and put them on!  Wear who you are proudly because the world needs you to and more importantly because YOU need YOU to!

I can't wait to see what your shoes look like!

The God Blog....

Trust me, I never would have thought I'd be posting blogs about my relationship with God and Jesus.  But here I am doing just that!

I didn't grow up in a religious family.  I've never read the bible.  As a child I never understood how you could see someone being so loving and graceful in church and then hear them speaking miserably about someone outside of it.

I also believed for most of my life that a relationship with God was impossible for me, because I wasn't doing any of the prescribed activities that would nurture such a relationship.  Sure I am a good person, but I don't give money to a church and I don't dress up on Sundays to sing God's praises.

One thing I did do was pray...  And as the years went on, my prayers grew from asking for things I needed or wanted, to words of thanks and gratitude for all that I had.  And those prayers of gratitude have grown into moments during my day where I recognize a God given gift and celebrate with a happy dance (it's like an explosion of joy and it makes me want to boogy woogy woogy).

And as I developed this inner gratitude, a relationship with my divine father developed as well. 

I want to say it was almost like magic. 

One day, everything just seemed to make sense to me.  I seemed to have a greater sense that yes I am here living this life, but that there was also a greater force driving me towards my dreams and a more peaceful way of living.

To be honest, I think the magic came when I made a decision to stop trying to control every aspect of my life and instead just live and be grateful for that living.

And yes, somedays my life looks like sadness or chaos and somedays it looks like perfection and bliss.

Though whatever it looks like I know that I love feeling like there is someone more wise overseeing the day to day bologne so that I don't have to.  It frees me up to enjoy what is happening in the moment because I no longer have to worry about how I am going to make it all work.

I heard once that God doesn't care what you call Him.  Just that you do!

And today, I believe that with my whole heart :)

Heaven is for Real....

I love to read.  Unfortunately, I haven't had the time or energy lately to do much of it.

Until the other day when I took a trip to the bookstore to "look around".

I came home with a fabulous book, entitled "Heaven is for Real" by Todd Burpo.

It's a true story about a little boy who experiences a visit to heaven while in emergency surgery for an appendectomy.

The boy was 3 years old at the time of the surgery and little by little shares his experience with his parents.  His father is a pastor in a small community and his mother is a part time teacher.

In the beginning, he seems to just come up with some small comments that have the parents wondering where on earth the information is coming from.  The father puts it down to the attentive Sunday school teachers. 

Further on, as they begin to question the source of this information a little more, they are hard pressed to discount the information as authentic, as there are things he tells them that just couldn't have come from a Sunday school lesson or church sermon. 

He shares with them the way heaven looks, who is in heaven, what it feels like to be in heaven and in the presence of Jesus.  He even talks about deceased loved ones who welcomed him during his visit.

There are a few parts in the story that really touched me and yesterday had me in tears. 

Tears of joy though!

This book jumped out at me while walking through the book store.  I had never heard of it before (apparently it's been all over the tv, since I don't watch much tv I had no idea it existed) and thought it would be a cute read.

This book has come at a time when I have been wrestling with some guidance about the next steps in my life.  It is confirming for me all that I know in my heart to be true about this life and the life that awaits in "Heaven".

It's no accident that I stumbled upon it.

It's a great and easy read.  Something that can truly change your life if you allow the information into your heart.

I'll be sharing this book with others that I know who are struggling with loss.  This book gives hope to the grieving and those that fear death, that one day we will all meet again in the light and love of our God (or whatever you wish to call the divine creator) and forever be free from the pain and suffering we've endured in this lifetime.

Power of prayer

A few weeks ago, I prayed to the divine creative power for the strength and courage to live a life of service to the good of this world.

I poured my heart out, affirming my desire to live a life of inspiration to all who cross my path and spend time with me.

I have never prayed for this before.  Never before have I given my heart over and surrendered in order to be a servant to a higher power.

Never before had I prayed with tears streaming down my face.  Never before have I ever wanted something so badly.

Never before have I been willing to let go at such a deep level and completely trust in the process of life and the plan of the divine creator.

As I prayed, I could feel energy flowing out of me, like something was taking on all of the burdens I had placed on myself.  I felt a strong sense of relief.

It didn't take long before I was put in a position to test that prayer and promise. 

Within a couple of days I was guided to make a gesture of trust so grand that I could hardly believe that this was being chosen as my moment to shine.  In this moment I had a choice to make, I could stand back and make every excuse in the book as to why I shouldn't follow that guidance (trust me, there were many), or I could surrender (as I had promised I would) to the will of God and the Universe, trust that all is in divine order and see where that took me.

In the end.  I blindly followed the guidance I was receiving.  I knew there was a higher purpose for it, I could feel that purpose running through my body.  And once accomplished, I felt as if someone was giving me a huge hug as a Thank you.  It made me feel joyful and...dare I say...a little proud of the accomplishment.

Often we pray, and don't always follow through.  Then we are disappointed that our prayers were not answered.

Every prayer is heard and answered.  The issue lies with whether or not you accept what is given to you.  To have complete faith that there is a higher power that hears your prayer and loves you enough to answer it in a way that you will benefit most dramatically from.  If you are willing to pray you have to be willing to trust and follow through with the task that will bring you the most peace.

I do believe I passed this particular test.

Now God knows where my trust lies.  And I recognize the power of prayer.

Always room for change

There are moments in my life that have been undeniably powerful. 

They are unforgettable.

I can remember every moment when a lesson was presented to me and I took the challenge because they are also the moments that my life had been changed forever.

In the beginning of my journey to awareness I would be kind of blind sided by these times.  Not really recognizing them for the precious jewels that they were until all was said and done and I was standing safely on the other side.

Now, I recognize them in the moment.  I can feel it in every cell of my body.  The pivotal moment when everything changes......forever.

I had many of those moments yesterday.

While standing at my Uncle's funeral service, the words spoke straight to my heart.  I could feel a presence that was undeniably divine preparing me for the next "phase" of my journey.  At one point I couldn't help but smile as the feeling of knowing nothing would ever be the same again filled my heart and then my body, one cell at a time.

My uncle had a heart of gold.  He was there with a helping hand before it seemed you even knew you needed one.

He lived his life by the grace of God, had a bold faith in knowing that where he was going was a place of eternal bliss.  He hand selected every aspect of his funeral service to deliver a message to the hearts of everyone in attendance.

The message that was delivered answered my deepest questions and soothed my worries and fears instantaneously.  It gave me a deeper understanding as to why I am on this planet and shone a new light on the things I had either forgotten about or tried to hide in the dark corners of my memory.

I am excited about the upcoming days, weeks and months knowing that something profound has taken place within me.

There is always room for a little change in my life!

What about you?

Waving my White Flag

My whole life I have struggled with decision making.

Even the simplest decision, like what to cook for dinner could take me all day to make and could still end up with my family eating Cheerios!

It's part of my astrological make up.  I haven't met a Libra yet that can make a quick decision. 


When I'm faced with even bigger decisions that need to be made, I become stuck.  Frozen in my tracks. 

Most of those big decisions mean facing some of my biggest fears.  Stepping through obstacles that are usually more powerful in my imagination than they are in "real life".

I found myself faced with one of these monsters of a decision this weekend.  I knew it was coming, and it landed right in front of me on Sunday evening.

I don't want to get into details, what I want to do is share with you how terrified I am. 

I know what the right thing to do is.  What I HAVE to do.  Not for the sake of someone else, no one is telling me what I should do.  I am feeling it in my heart.  I am being spoken to by a higher power on what my next step is to be.  And yet I am having so much difficulty trusting in that feeling, trusting in the knowledge that when I am lead by my heart I never fail.  And yet, my mind is telling me that I will fail.  That I will be shunned, that I will be turned away.

There is this war going on between my heart and head at the moment.  My heart knowing full well what the best course of action is and my head making up imaginary scenerios that look almost like the end of the world (the downside to a creative mind I suppose).

I have spent most of this day imagining a white flag.  Seeing myself declare a truce between these two powers within me and asking for just a moment of further clarity and a whole lot of courage to get through this.

In the end the reality is that it doesn't matter either way.  Whether I am turned away or embraced, it doesn't matter because taking the step, making the move, taking action and going with my heart will be the gift.  There is nothing that could possibly be more rewarding that just taking the risk and making the decision that might change everything forever.

{deep breath}