My whole life I have struggled with decision making.
Even the simplest decision, like what to cook for dinner could take me all day to make and could still end up with my family eating Cheerios!
It's part of my astrological make up. I haven't met a Libra yet that can make a quick decision.
When I'm faced with even bigger decisions that need to be made, I become stuck. Frozen in my tracks.
Most of those big decisions mean facing some of my biggest fears. Stepping through obstacles that are usually more powerful in my imagination than they are in "real life".
I found myself faced with one of these monsters of a decision this weekend. I knew it was coming, and it landed right in front of me on Sunday evening.
I don't want to get into details, what I want to do is share with you how terrified I am.
I know what the right thing to do is. What I HAVE to do. Not for the sake of someone else, no one is telling me what I should do. I am feeling it in my heart. I am being spoken to by a higher power on what my next step is to be. And yet I am having so much difficulty trusting in that feeling, trusting in the knowledge that when I am lead by my heart I never fail. And yet, my mind is telling me that I will fail. That I will be shunned, that I will be turned away.
There is this war going on between my heart and head at the moment. My heart knowing full well what the best course of action is and my head making up imaginary scenerios that look almost like the end of the world (the downside to a creative mind I suppose).
I have spent most of this day imagining a white flag. Seeing myself declare a truce between these two powers within me and asking for just a moment of further clarity and a whole lot of courage to get through this.
In the end the reality is that it doesn't matter either way. Whether I am turned away or embraced, it doesn't matter because taking the step, making the move, taking action and going with my heart will be the gift. There is nothing that could possibly be more rewarding that just taking the risk and making the decision that might change everything forever.