Giving it up

Have you ever had a moment when you wanted to give it all up?  Not a suicidal moment, in fact not a thinking moment at all.  Not a negative experience, just a real experience.  A moment where it seems nothing is real and if you woke up tomorrow and it was all gone you would feel relieved?

I had one of those moments yesterday.  It was a split second visual of life up to this point flashing before my eyes and my brain wondering what it's all been for and my heart totally reaction-less.

It was strange and surreal and.......strange.

Strange mostly because this is not how I normally feel at all about my life.  So (of course) I questioned the validity of the moment.  Where did it come from?  Why did it exist at all?  What purpose does it serve?  Is it something I need to look more carefully at?  Was it fear?  Would I really be relieved if it were all gone tomorrow?

Honestly, I answered yes to that last question.

Maybe it's my addiction to the tv show 'House Hunters International'.  Seeing all those people give it all up to move to a remote location and live their dream life is SO appealling to me.  I feel like I could literally go with one suitcase and start a fresh life.   

As strange as the moment was.  It definitely felt like I instantly became clear about the concept of nothingness.

Nothing exists and yet we put so much emphasis on that nothing that it becomes something we are attached to and cannot live without.  We become emotional about it.  It stresses us out and causes us to behave in ways that we cannot explain.

So, how do I feel today?  The same.  The remnants of that moment are lingering, twisting and floating in my mind and body.  I'm not questioning it anymore though, I feel like it's a piece of wisdom that is living inside of me.  There's nothing for me to do.  There's nothing for me to need.  I am here and that is all.

This wisdom has most likely always been living inside of me, it's only now I know it's there. 

Ask the Boss

When was the last time you ran your thoughts and ideas past the boss?

I'm not talking about the guy at the office that signs your paycheques.  I'm talking about your heart!

When was the last time you ran an idea past your heart?

Let's face it half the stuff your mind thinks you should do, your heart would never agree with!

That's where the inner struggle begins. 

When you've been doing too much thinking and not enough feeling in a situation you will no doubt begin to experience a tightness in the chest and fluttering in the tummy!

It's like a built in alarm system in our bodies that goes off when we aren't being true to our hearts desires.

As I prepared for bed last night I realized I've been doing a lot of things based on what my mind thinks I should be doing and haven't once run it past my heart to see if she was in agreement.

I can easily tell by my emotional state and my level of energy that I've been 'mind driven' for a while. 

That monkey mind that plays it's story tapes all day long 24/7 can wear a girl out! 

My mind will wander in every which way, making life seem more complicated than it has to be.  And because I haven't once brought that information into my heart to see if it's true for me, I have gotten caught up in the tide and have been swept out into the ocean of 'useless bullshit' thinking.

And if it's not feeling good then why am I doing it? 

That is a very good question.  I think I'll run it past the boss.

Always room for change

There are moments in my life that have been undeniably powerful. 

They are unforgettable.

I can remember every moment when a lesson was presented to me and I took the challenge because they are also the moments that my life had been changed forever.

In the beginning of my journey to awareness I would be kind of blind sided by these times.  Not really recognizing them for the precious jewels that they were until all was said and done and I was standing safely on the other side.

Now, I recognize them in the moment.  I can feel it in every cell of my body.  The pivotal moment when everything changes......forever.

I had many of those moments yesterday.

While standing at my Uncle's funeral service, the words spoke straight to my heart.  I could feel a presence that was undeniably divine preparing me for the next "phase" of my journey.  At one point I couldn't help but smile as the feeling of knowing nothing would ever be the same again filled my heart and then my body, one cell at a time.

My uncle had a heart of gold.  He was there with a helping hand before it seemed you even knew you needed one.

He lived his life by the grace of God, had a bold faith in knowing that where he was going was a place of eternal bliss.  He hand selected every aspect of his funeral service to deliver a message to the hearts of everyone in attendance.

The message that was delivered answered my deepest questions and soothed my worries and fears instantaneously.  It gave me a deeper understanding as to why I am on this planet and shone a new light on the things I had either forgotten about or tried to hide in the dark corners of my memory.

I am excited about the upcoming days, weeks and months knowing that something profound has taken place within me.

There is always room for a little change in my life!

What about you?