Can I get a Hell Ya?!

I have been listening a lot to Joyce Meyer ministries lately.  I love her straight forward-ness about life and about faith.

The cd I have been listening to is about getting our thoughts in order.  Ending the 'poor me' stuff and just getting on with it.

This weekend, like every holiday weekend was tough emotionally for me.

I found myself asking 'why do I bother' and then on the way to see my friend for a walk today I popped in Joyce Meyer and I heard her say something like "I asked God why it is that I work my butt off to be a good person, to learn more about life so I can live more fully and help others when so many people that I pass on the street don't seem to be doing anything of the sort.  What is up with that?!?!"

Oh my goodness!  How did she get into MY head?!?!

God's response to her went something like "You pray for an awful lot don't ya?  You pray to be a good person, you pray to help others, you pray to be of service AND then you expect to not have to actually take a higher stand?  To walk a different path?  If you want what you want then you have to walk a different walk and talk a different talk"

Oh.... {blush}

The minute I was thinking "oh whoa is me, I do this and I do that and no one takes notice.  They still get mad, they still don't like me"  waaaaahhhhh waaaaahhhhh  waaaaaahhhhh  I was reminded that I pray to be who I am.  I pray like nobody's business to be of service and to be a blessing in this world every single day.

I turned on a new attitude today after hearing Joyce talk about her experience.

I turned "they don't see me for who I am" into "my light shines so bright it must blind them!"

Can I get a HELL YA!

I like that a whole lot better than focusing on what I'm not getting from others.  Because if I'm being honest and realistic I don't need anything from anybody.  I have everything I need.

I also realized I've been doing the 'poor me' thing in one specific area of my life and I have some changes to make (when don't I).  I saw this weekend that God has been showing me a lesson for quite a while now and I haven't been learning that lesson.  I've been waving it off, putting it off and ignoring it.

I'd rather learn the lesson His way though instead of waiting for it to hit me over the head.

So no more passing the buck.  I'm grabbing this bull by the horns and gettin' things done.

Stay tuned...  This might make for some very interesting blog posts : )

Always room for change

There are moments in my life that have been undeniably powerful. 

They are unforgettable.

I can remember every moment when a lesson was presented to me and I took the challenge because they are also the moments that my life had been changed forever.

In the beginning of my journey to awareness I would be kind of blind sided by these times.  Not really recognizing them for the precious jewels that they were until all was said and done and I was standing safely on the other side.

Now, I recognize them in the moment.  I can feel it in every cell of my body.  The pivotal moment when everything changes......forever.

I had many of those moments yesterday.

While standing at my Uncle's funeral service, the words spoke straight to my heart.  I could feel a presence that was undeniably divine preparing me for the next "phase" of my journey.  At one point I couldn't help but smile as the feeling of knowing nothing would ever be the same again filled my heart and then my body, one cell at a time.

My uncle had a heart of gold.  He was there with a helping hand before it seemed you even knew you needed one.

He lived his life by the grace of God, had a bold faith in knowing that where he was going was a place of eternal bliss.  He hand selected every aspect of his funeral service to deliver a message to the hearts of everyone in attendance.

The message that was delivered answered my deepest questions and soothed my worries and fears instantaneously.  It gave me a deeper understanding as to why I am on this planet and shone a new light on the things I had either forgotten about or tried to hide in the dark corners of my memory.

I am excited about the upcoming days, weeks and months knowing that something profound has taken place within me.

There is always room for a little change in my life!

What about you?

Waving my White Flag

My whole life I have struggled with decision making.

Even the simplest decision, like what to cook for dinner could take me all day to make and could still end up with my family eating Cheerios!

It's part of my astrological make up.  I haven't met a Libra yet that can make a quick decision. 


When I'm faced with even bigger decisions that need to be made, I become stuck.  Frozen in my tracks. 

Most of those big decisions mean facing some of my biggest fears.  Stepping through obstacles that are usually more powerful in my imagination than they are in "real life".

I found myself faced with one of these monsters of a decision this weekend.  I knew it was coming, and it landed right in front of me on Sunday evening.

I don't want to get into details, what I want to do is share with you how terrified I am. 

I know what the right thing to do is.  What I HAVE to do.  Not for the sake of someone else, no one is telling me what I should do.  I am feeling it in my heart.  I am being spoken to by a higher power on what my next step is to be.  And yet I am having so much difficulty trusting in that feeling, trusting in the knowledge that when I am lead by my heart I never fail.  And yet, my mind is telling me that I will fail.  That I will be shunned, that I will be turned away.

There is this war going on between my heart and head at the moment.  My heart knowing full well what the best course of action is and my head making up imaginary scenerios that look almost like the end of the world (the downside to a creative mind I suppose).

I have spent most of this day imagining a white flag.  Seeing myself declare a truce between these two powers within me and asking for just a moment of further clarity and a whole lot of courage to get through this.

In the end the reality is that it doesn't matter either way.  Whether I am turned away or embraced, it doesn't matter because taking the step, making the move, taking action and going with my heart will be the gift.  There is nothing that could possibly be more rewarding that just taking the risk and making the decision that might change everything forever.

{deep breath}