Bumps and Bruises

June has been a doozy of a month for me.

I feel like I have been pulled in every direction on every level of my personal and professional life this month.

The month started off on a complete high.  Business booming, public speaking engagements and new adventures planned.  Anticipation for the kids summer vacation to start, hopeful about my families future. 

I was on fire. 

I even started running (something I have never considered doing long term before, me having gigantic boobs and all...). 

Yep, I thought for sure June was going to be MY month...

Cut to today...

Not sleeping much, fearful of what's to come, no confidence, no energy, no motivation, no appetite, no emotion whatsoever!  This has been going on for a couple of weeks now.

I have a 'whatever' kind of attitude right now.  And it's starting to piss me off!

Then I came across this article about the many eclipses we'll experience in the month of June, as well as the summer solstice on the 21st.

And it all becomes a little clearer.

Seriously, it's like being in a dark cave, tripping over rocks and bumping into walls, when suddenly you remember that you packed that flashlight.  Duh?!?!?!

During these extreme energy shifts I sometimes catch myself standing with my hands in the air begging to be spared this horrible existence (who wants to evolve and ascend anyway?), when suddenly, out of nowhere someone smacks me on the back of the head and says 'buck up Chuck, you asked for all of this!'

Ahhhh, riiiiiggghhtt!!!  I DID ask for all of this...

Like during my full moon ritual when I spoke (with great exaggeration I'll admit) that I was willing to release any and all old energy that no longer serves my highest purpose.

That quote about being careful what you wish for has just popped into my head.

I think I'll get that tattooed on my forehead as a constant reminder to keep my mouth shut the next time I utter my willingness to let go of anything I apparently was quite comfortable carrying around...

The gift.....

Evolving and growing has always been a fascinating process to me.

I liken it to opening a gift.

You know that big juicy gift that is sitting on top of the table along with all of the other gifts.  The anticipation of knowing that you'll soon have your hands on something mysterious.  Will it be an easy journey to what is inside or will it take a process of removing layer up on layer of gift wrap?  Will there be a picture on the box to give you a hint of what's to come or will the instructions be written in a foreign language and require some assembly?

Anymore, when I lay my head on my pillow at night I know that I am saying goodbye to the person I was during that day and preparing for a new life that will come with the rising of the sun.

I've come to realize over the years that growth is inevitable, whether you are prepared or not it happens.  Sometimes we don't recognize growth until many months later and we take a moment to survey our life and realize that there isn't much that is recognizable anymore.

We spend a lot of time resisting change in our lives, only to notice one day that despite all of that hard work and energy towards keeping everything the same, life has changed regardless.

Sometimes we resist change because it simply feels more exciting to be engaged and feeling productive than it is to surrender to the unknown and let go of our control.

And sometimes the Universe comes in and kicks you in the butt to get you moving in the right direction.

We've all experienced this sort of kick in the butt.  Though we recognize that it created enough of a shift to stimulate change, we may not have known it was intentional.

Whatever occurs is the Universe's way of telling you it's time to move on.

For instance, I lost a file folder on my memory stick today by accident as I was "cleaning up" information.  This seemed like a very big deal to me in the moment.  I was initially devastated about losing it, and at the same time do you think I could remember what was in that file?  My body and mind were telling me "that was important, and you just lost it all" and my heart was telling me "you no longer need that information as a crutch or guide, it's time to let it go".  And let it go I did.

My point is that we never know what is underneath that wrapping paper.  It could be something easy or it could be something difficult.

You should know though, the more difficult the circumstance the greater the reward.

Your true nature

If you are one who is consciously aware of your journey here on earth, you may work very hard to reach the next "level" of consciousness or awakening. While you are working hard are you taking time to en-JOY your work? En-JOY your learning? En-JOY your moments of "aha"?

I for one, have rarely enjoyed my journey. Although, I have enjoyed looking back and seeing how far I have come, occasionally though I get a glimpse at how far I actually still have to go and how much more I still need to learn. And that can be sometimes overwhelming.

Let's for a moment remove the "job" of growing spiritually and consider ourselves already there.

There now doesn't that just feel better?

No more big lessons, no more climbing the ladder of enlightenment.

Truth be told there is no such thing as reaching enlightenment, because you are already there. There is nothing to strive for, because you came into this world embodying your fullest potential.

But until today your mind has been telling you that you are not good enough unless you are working hard to get somewhere, you are not a spiritual being unless you are doing something spiritual.

Do you even know what it looks and feels like to be enlightened?

I don't.

I've seen many people whom I have been told or have believed them to be enlightened, and let me tell you there are no 2 alike! Each one has a different sense of humour about their awakeness, each one dresses differently, speaks differently and even communicate their wisdom differently.

Every thought that you have throughout your day places a judgement and creates a distance between your "now" nature and your "true" nature.

There is so much untruth floating around in our heads that it is quite easy to lose our connection to our true self.

Take 5 seconds today to breathe and to say hello to your true self. To allow it to come forward and show you it's brilliance, to show you it's creativity, it's knowledge, it's splendor.

The beautiful thing about your true nature is that it is never gone. It is always just there waiting for acknowledgement.

I don't care what your past is. I don't care what you have done in this world that you have judged as being wrong. Your true nature is still there.

The blue of the sky does not disappear just because the storm clouds come in. It is hiding and waiting beyond those storm clouds and when the clouds clear out shines the sun and there is the blue sky once again.

Just because you can't see it all the time, doesn't mean your true nature isn't there.

Find out for yourself.

Sexploration

The mystery of where the womanly libido disappears after marriage and kids has always intrigued me.

It's something I have struggled with myself for many years, as well as knowing many friends and acquaintances that experienced the same thing.

Please do not read on if you are squeamish about this topic.

For years I tried all sorts of medical treatments to try and "cure" my "problem". I labeled it Female Sexual Dysfunction (yes there is such a thing..), it was something I was ashamed and embarrassed about. To have to admit that I was not in the least bit interested in sex made me feel out of place, different, lonely and like something was really wrong with me, a sexual misfit.

I believe many women (and men) live a life of quiet desperation, trying to figure out what is "wrong" with them. They have tried every cream, gel, toy and libido enhancing gadget out there to re-awaken the passion that lives within them. I spent a few months on a testosterone supplement which made me feel crazy and animal-like. Did it enhance my libido, yes. But at what cost to the health of my liver? And it felt completely unnatural for me to be feeling that way.

These are my thoughts.

Sex is sex. It does not guarantee love, commitment or intimacy. It quite often does little more than serve the purpose of releasing pent up energy.

During my child bearing days I enjoyed physical closeness. I very much enjoyed the process of creating another human life. Once my last son was born that enjoyment left me when it came to the physical act of sex.

I believe that once we have fulfilled our commitment to procreate it is natural for a woman to no longer feel connected to the physical act of sex. For one thing we are consumed with the daily caring for and nurturing of our new child(ren). That is our new role. Our old role of pro-creator is dissolved and we have moved on to our new role.

I was considering how over the last 20 years or so we have seen an increase in the need for males to use medication to enhance their own libido. This is not a coincidence, as I believe over the past 20 years we've become more spiritually evolved, that is we've become closer to living in our natural state. The closer we get to our natural state of being the less we require physical sex to connect. We can do it in other ways, exercise, yoga and meditation to name a few.

Our human brains and society tell us that something is wrong because our body isn't working properly or we no longer have a desire for sex. But what if, what we experience at that point is completely natural and is a cue from mother nature that new ways of closeness need to be explored, that we have "outgrown" the physical and it is time to move into the realm of the soul.

When we move closer into our natural state of being it becomes easier for us to connect on a soul level. Some would call this intellectual sex because it often occurs during intimate conversation and closeness. But what it is, is the moment that your soul connects with another. Ultimately this is the true "sex", this is true connection. There is nothing like it in this world. It is a feeling of total freedom, bliss and joy, completeness and fulfillment.

I believe that as a society we focus too much on the physical. Imagine if along with sex education we taught our children about the truth of love and connection through the heart and not through the genitals?

Many people connect sex with love and if they are not receiving one they do not feel the other.

This is a misconception.

Consider that ancient tantric "sex" techniques and knowledge resurfaced close to the time when Viagra commercials became popular. Coincidence? I think not! Tantric sex is the art of synchronizing breath between two people for the purpose of higher connection, it may lead to more physical contact but that is not the original intention.

The need for tantric sex techniques arise when we reach a space in our spiritual evolution where the physical act of sex is no longer necessary, fulfilling or available to us.

We've all experienced a moment when we've had a thought or vision regarding our spouse/partner who was in another place at the time and feelings of joy, gratitude and desire filled us. In that moment we are unable to fulfill that desire physically and so we deal with that moment intellectually, through the intellectual heart. Many times that fleeting moment will come back to us and make us smile. This is "intellectual" sex, connection at a soul level.

It is when we make this connection at the soul level and then turn it into something purely physical that we run into trouble. Disconnect occurs because we place the expectation of sex onto it. There is no place or need for physical sex when connecting at the level of the soul.

Am I saying you need to give up your physical needs for gratification. Absolutely not! What I am saying is that to be incapable of taking part in physical sex is quite possibly just as natural as being capable and does not leave room for blame, excuses or shame.

(Of course there may be medical reasons for this incapability and I urge you to seek medical attention before you just chalk it up to spiritual evolution).

I realize there are people out there that truly do love the physical act of sex. However, there are a great many more who do not and are struggling with their confidence and their relationships because of it.

I offer you these thoughts as a way for you to reconcile with the pure genius that is your body and soul. It knows what it needs. Instead of pushing towards a solution, try sitting with the truth for a moment and see where that leads you.