Snapshot of my Life

Every morning is basically the same around here.
I lay in bed until 7:10am and I can hear the teenagers winding down their school prepping.

That signals that it's safe to enter the kitchen (a moment too soon could put me in the middle of the "there's nothing to eat in this house" war).

I walk up the stairs, say my good mornings and remind Nathan that there are dishes piled in the sink that need his attention and Evan that there is a cat clawing at the patio door looking to be fed.

You'd think these things would be obvious, and that after months of these reminders they would become automatic, but I live in the land of testosterone.  And I am convinced that testosterone causes blindness in men.

The occasional conversation about whether or not I'm willing to drive to Tecumseh to drop off a girlfriend that evening may ensue.  Depending on what my answer is, I may have to put up with a little 17 year old whining.  Which isn't totally unbearable since I know he can only stand there and whine so long before he needs to be out the door.

Evan usually is waiting by the door for his kiss and hug good-bye while these conversations take place. 

I wonder if he minds being the middle kid?

It's not long after Evan takes off for the day that Nathan gets his things together and walks out the door.

If he wasn't happy with the way the conversation went earlier, I may get a moon shot at me as I wave good bye and wish him a happy day.  Yep, it's gonna be a good day.

As much as getting mooned by your son in the morning isn't all that pleasant, this next part is even scarier. 

I have to wake up Ben.

Ben hates mornings.  Or I guess I should say he HATES mornings!

I pull down the covers from his head (he knows what's coming).  Kiss him on the cheek and rub his hair.

I try to be gentle waking this one up.  But no matter how sweet I sound, the words "Ben it's time to get up for school" always throw him into a fit of flailing limbs.

Usually, I can avoid getting a foot to the face.  Other times I'm too slow (mostly because I'm just waking up myself) and I get caught in the chaos.

He manages to get dressed and move to the couch.  Like clockwork I threaten to send him back to bed and call the school to tell them he won't be in.

I know you're all thinking that I have that one backwards, however this child will not miss school unless he is deathly ill.  He thinks it's a crime to miss a day and just the thought of missing schoolwork and having to catch up makes his stomach turn.  So as soon as I mention calling the school he is up and sharing his thoughts on my threat (that's a whole other blog post).

We get through breakfast and lunch prep relatively unharmed.  This morning he spends his extra few moments plucking out a tune on his bass.

With each tick of the clock I know I'm getting closer to the time when my day really starts.  The kitchen clean up, the bathroom wipe downs, laundry sorting and thoughts about dinner.  Today life will throw in a Reiki client, a distant healing and a networking event to balance things out.

This is my life.

And I love it!

A New Friend

I've been looking for a volunteer opportunity for 2 years now.  I wanted something that fit my schedule, fit my personality and fit my purpose in life.

So, when I found a kijiji ad in June advertising for the Big Brothers Big Sisters In School Mentoring program I felt like I finally found what I was looking for.

The more I spent time learning about the program and learning how to be an in school mentor, the more excited about this program I got!

Granted, I didn't think one hour per week was all that big of a deal.  How much of an influence can you be in that small amount of time.

I was assured by the coordinators and by a friend of mine that one hour a week makes a huge difference in the life of a child who may not get any one on one time with a caring adult.  I guess I'd have to take their word for it.

It was all I could do not to go crazy waiting for 'the call'.  You know the one, where you are told who your match is and what school you'll be in and all the deets on the fabulous little person you'll be sharing one on one time with for the year (and maybe years). 

The feeling is not unlike waiting for a child to be born.  Will it be a girl or a boy?  The anticipation feels fun and even adventurous somehow.

I have been excited since day one of this experience, so this past Monday when I finally got to meet my match I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to make an impact in this child's life.

Would she like me?  Would she think my hair (or lack thereof) was strange?  Would she trade me in for a different mentor?   ACK!!!!

The good news.  I think she's gonna keep me!  We had a great first day, we colored pictures for eachother, I gave her a rock in the shape of a heart that I found on the beach during a trip to Erieau that she can keep in her pocket for 'good luck', we played 'TROUBLE' at which I totally sucked, even when she tried to fumble the game so I could win at least once, I still lost AND she loved that!  And I loved that too.  To see her smile and reassure me that I'll get better the more I play.

The truth?  She mentored me that morning.  She took me under her wing and befriended me.  And I left feeling elated, like I had gained a valuable new friend.

I can hardly wait until next week to do it all again. 

The Trouble with Growing Up

My kids are growing up...  and FAST!

They are no longer interested in the things we used to do to keep them occupied.

They spend their time in front of the XBOX or handheld game, texting on the cellphone or hanging with friends in town.

They turn down offers of trailriding on bikes, excursions to the beach to look for glass and even trips to the ice cream shop!  In fact, we are currently engaged in the discussion of why the 14 year old cannot stay home alone for 10 days while we are away at the family cottage on vacation!

What is my world coming to?

I found myself feeling a bit sad this morning at the thought that my role as mother has come to a sort of standstill.  Of course, I know it will never be a stale role, that there will always be something I will be needed for as a mother.  However, the part of this role that states it is my duty to keep my children lovingly entertained, giving them ways to express themselves and exert energy are long gone!

They are who they are!  They have put themselves in charge of their own happiness and entertainment!

This is a VERY good thing!  Why does it feel so sad?

'Ruler of the Household'

We all know one of the most important duties of Ruler of the Household Stay at Home Mother is the stocking of the castle cupboards and refrigerator....

This morning even I cringed at the lack of food available for my children's lunches....  Which doesn't happen often let me tell you....  With only one lonely apple left in the fridge it made it difficult even for me to go on my daily morning "there are plenty of healthy foods in the fridge" speech.

So, off I went to the magical supermarket, where, by the way there is absolutely no bliss to be found (and I thought the bingo halls were bad).  I don't know about you but I pick the oddest times of the day to do my grocery shopping in the hopes that I will be the only shopper there, but alas, it was not to be today....

Today was one of those 'handle with care' shopping days, you know the ones where your shopping cart is so full that things just start to fall off randomly...  As hard as I tried to strategically place items so that they wouldn't fall, they still did!

I felt triumphant as I rounded my last corner, eggs balancing precariously on top of the bread, when I realized I had missed pancake mix and black olives....

Shit  Shoot.....

The only two items my children ACTUALLY asked for....

By this point my cart is too heavy to push, so I park it in an out of the way spot and run to get the things I had forgotten.

All set.

Time to find the appropriate cash out line.  The shortest one, but not the one with the cashier I had last time attending it.  THAT was a treat.

I think it's me....  All cashiers hate me...  They see me coming with my $400 cart of groceries and they desperately wish it was their break time....  They do their best to avoid eye contact, but it's no use, I am like a heat seeking missile, I want the hell out of there and I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen.

By the time they are done scanning all of my items they have sweat running down their faces and the look of exhaustion they give me as they hand me my 5 foot long receipt almost makes me feel sorry for them....

Almost...

Because their not the suckers that have to put this stuff away when they get home!

And you know what the darling little Merritt Princes will say to their Ruler Mother???

Go on....take a guess.....

"There's nothing to eat in this house!"

This is the moment that if I were living in the wild as a lion or other ferocious animal, I would eat them.....

The "B" word....

** I offer you my sincerest apologies for the length of this post.  The topic of bullying came up for me this morning and I felt it was worth posting my thoughts, with the new school year well under way our children are once again experiencing bullying on the playground.  My perception of this issue is my own and I do not expect anyone else to agree with me.  This is a touchy subject with parents all over the world and I respect everyone's ideals and beliefs about it. **

I'm sure we've all had an occasion where we've dealt with a bully in our lives, and watching our children go through it can be excruciating and we often don't know how to approach the issue.

As a parent of children who have experienced bullying in the school, I think it's important to first keep an open mind.  When your child comes through the door after a day at school and unloads all the stuff that made him uncomfortable about the day, take the time to ask some important questions to try and sift through what may be your child's insecurities and not a bullying issue at all.

My middle son used to come home and say to me "everybody at school hates me!"  I would then ask him "who is everybody?"  After some investigation, I would find that there was one child specifically who made it his duty to create conflict everyday with him, would work towards getting other kids to join in the conflict and make him feel like everyone disliked him.  To a child who just wants acceptance from other children, it is easy to get caught up in the feeling that "everybody hates me".  We do it as adults as well.  It's our ego's way of filling us with more fear and insecurity about ourselves.

I didn't "poo poo" his statement about everyone hating him, I questioned it.  I questioned why he felt the way he did.  I questioned what happened to bring about the supposed hate he was feeling.  I question everything until I got to the heart of the matter, which usually always turns out to be an insecurity that my son is nurturing in the moment.

I also let my children know from the beginning that I am interested in only the truth of the situation.  That I am not interested in embellishments or twists in wording.  Just the simple truth and the facts so that I can guide them to a solution that will be most effective.  When you are engaged in this kind of conversation with your child you can usually pick up on the subtle queues they are giving to indicate they are not being completely honest either in what their role was in the situation or the role of others.

My boys also know that I am not the kind of parent that will run to the first school official or parent to unleash a wrath of anger and assumptions (however tempting that sometimes is).  I work to give them the tools they need to deal with the situation themselves (we have yet to have a circumstance where parental intervention is required, they have been quite capable of handling it themselves with support from myself and my husband.  If it were to escalate I would certainly step in, of course with documentation of what has transpired in the past).

By taking these steps I am providing my children with the necessary skills to dig deeper into a situation to find a solution without over reacting to it.  I am allowing them to become more aware and to learn from their peer group.  I am also allowing them to take responsibility for their relationships, something they will definitely need to know how to do in the future.

What I find has happened over the years is that the term "bullying" has been used to describe everything from physical threats to emotional abuse to a simple disagreement between children.

So what is bullying really?  Bullying Canada describes bullying as "someone who hurts or scares another person on purpose and the person being bullied has a hard time defending themselves".  I will add that it is usually directed at a someone the bully feels is weaker than they are and is a consistent ongoing behaviour with the bully, it is not a random act.  A true bullying situation demoralizes and alienates the person being bullied and has lasting emotional effects on the "victim".

Not every situation that your child encounters that makes him uncomfortable is a bullying situation. 

Bullies have an agenda.  It is always in their best interest to manipulate another person, beit another child or a even their own parent. 

I don't agree that bullying build character and that children should just "suck it up" and I never inform my boys to do this.

What I have learned over the years is that despite well intentioned educators, the children who are being bullied are largely ignored when they submit a complaint about another child.  A reason for this is that the bully is often a repeat offender and the parents are unresponsive to phone calls home and disciplinary action that needs to be taken and so the bully is given more power and is able to continue with his destructive behaviour.  This is when I decided to coach my children and to give them a safe place to talk about their feelings and dig deeper into what can be done to alleviate the problem.

For example, my own children have made a decision to no longer associate with a boy in the neighbourhood because this boy decided that one day he would carry a utility knife "for protection from people who are mean to him".  They decided to tell this boy that they would no longer be riding their bikes to school with him or spending time with him after school because they felt uncomfortable around him.

This was not the first time my boys had been in an uncomfortable position with this boy, and had on countless occasions witnessed him manipulating, criticizing and demeaning another neighbourhood boy.

This boy went home to his mother and told his mother that my sons were being mean to him and that they were bullying him.  We've known this family for years and have known about this boys tendencies for a while now.  The mother confronted my sons without my knowledge or permission while they were playing with friends.

This mother is not doing her son any favours.  She is actually enabling her son in his sociopathic behaviour.

It's important as parents to recognize our children's tendencies.  It is important to learn more about how they interact with other children, pay attention to conversations they have, how they respond to others and how they deal with conflict.

It can be as easy as listening at the window when your children are outside playing with friends.

By doing just this I learned that my youngest son likes things his way, he likes to have everyone playing a part when they play.  Other children will often go off and play at something else when he gets a little too obsessive about it and he ends up playing on his own.  Eventually he will learn how to play in a more balanced way because he will experience this over and over again, this is how children learn to be social.  If I stepped in and cleared things up or instructed the other children to play his way, I would be enabling his behaviour and he would never learn to socialize "properly" and he wouldn't be a someone anyone would want to associate with.

If this particular mother were to better understand her son, she could effectively help him to realize why he feels the need to intimidate and demoralize other children.  The other children he is involved with are trying to teach him proper socialization and she is standing in the way of this natural process and growth.

Helping our children through these times is not easy, we have to be diligent with every opportunity and we have to be respectful of everyone involved.

This is not an easy thing to do.  It is not easy to let go and let our children learn through their peer group.  It is not easy to take a good hard look at our beloved child and see that they are struggling and need help.

However, we MUST confidently step into what is not easy to effect positive change in our children's world.

The purposeful stay at home mother.....

We are all looking for our purpose in life. Some of us search high and low for that thing that will make us feel alive.

But what if you are living your purpose and you aren't aware of it? What if you are happy with what you are doing but you think there must be something more out there to make it complete.

This has been my struggle the past few months (okay, I lied it's more like years).

I am a stay at home mom and an entrepreneur. I spend my days caring for the house and working on marketing my business and interacting with clients.

Do I feel purposeful? Not really...

But I am living my purpose. Each day I am actively engaging in my soul's purpose.

My life's purpose is that of healer and master of family and relationships.

I haven't always known this. The knowledge came about a month ago when I had my hand prints analyzed (something I highly recommend by going here

Since receiving this information I have felt relief that I have been doing exactly what I have been meant to do, however I am also struggling with the fact that being home with my children hasn't felt purposeful enough to me. Perhaps it's because I've felt guilty for not contributing to the household finances, maybe it's because as a society we don't value stay at home mothers. More likely it is because I didn't trust that my heart was leading me to do what I came to this planet to do. Society tells us to go out, work our butts off and make some money so that our children can have the finer things in life. That can definitely rub against someone who has a different path to take.

It's something I've struggled with for the 12 years I've been a stay at home mom. The struggle between being a mom and feeling purposeful and worthy, wanting to make a difference in the world.

Let's face it motherhood is an amazing experience, it is also very hard work. At the end of the day when you are counting how many times you got frustrated with a child are you feeling purposeful?

I can't say I ever felt purposeful cleaning vomit out of beds in the middle of the night, but somehow I was.

As my children are getting older I am beginning to see glimpses of the impact my presence has had on them though. The way they care for others, their independence and abilities to care for themselves, they are supportive, loving and kind.

I suppose I had something to do with all of that, even though during that time I felt like I was just getting by, emotionally, physically and financially.

I do believe that part of my not embracing my role as mother whole heartedly was because I always felt like I was fighting against the current. Going against the grain of what others wanted me to do. Little did I know at the time that this builds strength and character. It turns you into a leader. It turns you into someone that people admire and respect.

I can say without a doubt that I would make the exact same decision again. I have been able to see every sporting event, play, speech, and spelling bee. I have been able to volunteer within my children's school and be present for them when they have had a tough day.

What I want to say to every mom who feels isolated, unworthy and confused about their role on this planet is that you are doing the Universe's toughest job, only the best of the best are called forth to perform the noble duty of which you have enlisted your services.

Mothers do it all on their own! They don't have assistants who schedule their days for them, they don't have people writing their speeches and telling them what to say, they don't have someone whispering the answers into a microphone in their ear when they are faced with a dilemma.

They do it on their own, and they do it pro bono!

Now that is something to feel purposeful about!

Meditation Magic

Meditation for families just might be the secret ingredient to raising our children with a greater sense of focus and well being.

Meditation exercises have been proven to alleviate stress and anxiety, frustration,fear, anger, restlessness and much more!

A carefree childhood has become a thing of the past.

As adults we often think of childhood as a time with no worries, responsibiltiies, obligations and cares.

But if we really think back to our own childhood we know that that is not true. Stress affects children too.

We live in a world filled with exaggerated media coverage of world events, an increased rate of bullying experiences, financial struggles within the family and a high rate of divorce, with which all contribute to the stress that children feel on a daily basis.

Families can practice meditation together and benefit immensely. Bringing a stronger bond of love and acceptance into the family circle.

The benefits of meditation are many:
Reduced prolonged stress
Reduced Anxiety
Reduction in the symptoms of ADD/ADHD
Calmer sense of being
Ability to sleep regularly and well
Reduced Aggression
A deeper sense of relaxation
Improved concentration and focus
Enhanced Creativity
Clearer memory
Greater self awareness
Better ability to deal with stress as it comes
Increased Tranquility
A healthier mind and body
A lower risk of possible future health problems

It is important for us as parents to give our children the tools they need to see them well into the future.  We are very good at keeping them busy, getting them involved in a variety of daily activities, we need to realize that they need a balance of quiet time of acceptance as well as activity to ensure a balanced spectrum of health.

Participating as a family assists the children in feeling supported in their well being.  And Mom and Dad benefit greatly as well.

It's a win-win situation!