Tuesday, January 4, 2011

More Love Please

I've totally been lying to myself all these years by telling myself that nobody loves me.

Of course everybody loves me.  They just all have different ways of showing it :)

Okay.  For real though.

How many times have you begged your significant other, friend or family member for more love?  More attention?  More affection?  More kindness?  Blah, blah, blah.  And they just don't understand what you are asking from them!

Here's a secret...

They don't understand what you are asking of them, because they feel that they are showing you how much they love you already in every possible way they know how!

See, we think that there is only one way to show Love....  OUR way....  But that's a lie we've been telling ourselves for Centuries.

There are lots of ways to show someone you love them.

This part might piss you off a little, so read at your own risk (there is no lifeguard on duty here), AND THIS IS JUST AN EXAMPLE, maybe not the best example, it's the only thing that popped into my head!  Some people who are abusive by nature feel that their abusiveness is an act of love.  Maybe because they are abusing you less than they were abused (and so you are actually better off somehow?).  Maybe because they feel they are saving you from certain doom by abusing you (keeping you from running off with an abusive mate?).  Maybe because they are blind to what they are doing and don't know how to stop themselves.  And maybe it's because they don't love themselves at all and so the level of love that you are receiving from them resembles abuse to you because you think of loving acts completely differently than your abuser.

(disclaimer:  This is a "for instance" for all who have been abused in the past.  For all of you are being abused in this moment, you do need to seek help for yourself.  Please do not think I am saying that being abused is something you need to tolerate at all.  I'm just trying to give those who have been there, done that a chance to look at their situation a little bit differently.)

So, here's the truth of the matter.  You cannot possibly love someone else more than you love yourself.  AND, another person cannot love you any more than they love themselves....  It's an impossibility!

Isn't that fabulous!

Well, fabulous in the way that I think this is a huge AHA moment for every man, woman and child that has ever felt unloved, unappreciated and invisible in someone's life.  I know it has been a huge AHA moment for me!

So the next time you are wondering why someone doesn't love you the way you feel you "should" be loved.  Remember that it's not personal.  That other person is doing all that they know how to do in the "showing of the love" department.


  1. Jen, Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU... Not everyone can say what you just said. Not only am I smiling because I agree with you. I just had a total AHA moment, myself. "How can someone love you, more than they love themselves?" I knew this (at least I thought I did) but your perspective aligns perfectly. P.S. I LOVE YOU and you have been a HUGE part of my personal growth. So thank you.


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