Honouring my Voice

I hope I didn't throw you off with that last post about 'recipe for change'.

It's getting some mixed reviews.  It's not what people expect from me when I write.

Though my journey lately has been really uncomfortable, confusing and frustrating.  I've been focused on my exterior instead of my interior.  Something I clearly have had to do since that's what I've been doing. You can't change what is.

I realize there are better more harmonious and love filled recipes for change (and I do believe I have shared enough harmonious and love filled options in the past), but sometimes we're not ready for those types of recipes, sometimes we need something a little more spunky to get the job done.  The recipe I wrote  yesterday was the one I was feeling in that moment and usually I would keep those kinds of raw words to myself.  I would sit with them inside of me, let them make me feel crappy and I would write something pretty and frilly once that moment passed by and I was in a different space.

But this isn't true authenticity.  By doing that I'm not allowing you to see a side of me that is very real.  And as embarrasing as it can be sometimes....  It is what it is....

We all have those peaceful, loving, balanced sides to ourselves and we also have darker, raw, punchy sides as well.  And I am no different.

And as much as my raw side tends to only pop up once in a while, it still does. 

As a healer and "spiritual" woman I hadn't given myself permission in the past to write EXACTLY what I felt in these moments because I thought it would send the 'wrong' message, it would look 'wrong' to the world.

But this blog is not only for you alone, this blog is for me.  It's not a place to impress others with fancy words.  (Although it thrills me to get comments and have people read what I've written)  It is for me to record my journey and to work through EVERY moment that comes my way in the way that feels appropriate in the moment.

I wrote the recipe for change the way I did because it felt good just to say it!  It felt good just to let out those thoughts and feelings without judging it.  And if I want to be a role model for other women, then it's important for me to show you how 'real' I am.  And how just by saying what you want to say can free you from the prison you've been living in.

This is a lesson in speaking my truth in the moment that I am in.  Some of those moments will look a little rough around the edges, but they are real.

And at the end of the day, real is what it's all about....

Have a little faith

There's a saying that goes something like "you can please some of the people some of the time, and most of the people most of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time".

I thought of this saying this morning as I was checking my facebook account. As I was reading a quote from a good friend I noticed someone had placed a message in the comment section that stated how they were appalled at the amount of attention that the people of Haiti are receiving right now. This woman went on to say how it was basically unfair that there are people who are living in our own country who need our assistance as they too are poor, hungry and without homes.

And not long ago I had come across a comment left by someone that had read my blog that stated how he was irritated at the way people living in this country and the US complain about their life situations when there was extreme devastation in Haiti and all of our focus should be on them. He went on to say that the people without food, shelter and money in Western countries are unmotivated to change their situation.

I'm not quite sure that ranting and raving about either of these arguments accomplishes much of anything in the long run. Except that it puts a lot of negative, useless attention on the situations at hand.

I understand the frustration of not being able to help more than offering donations here and there throughout the day. Some people have stepped up and gone over to Haiti to help and some people in our community step up every day to manage programs for the homeless in our cities. And beyond that all that the rest of us can do is offer our prayers and understand that nothing is in vain, that in every thing there is a purpose.

There are many worldly events to be cranked up about, however if we dwell only on what is not being done either here or there, we are only fueling that confusion and as a collective consciousness we send out to the Universe that not enough is being done and so more of that happens.

I don't read a lot of news, I don't watch a lot of tv. And I believe by doing this and limiting the visuals of the devastation I can focus my heart on sending love and not getting over anxious about a situation I can not physically do anything about. I can and do however offer my prayers and healing energy to those circumstances, sending out a ripple effect into the world.

So, let's instead focus our attention on what IS being done in every circumstance.

We are human's learning how to create peace in this world, there was not a manual written to tell us step by step how to go about changing all the things we believe need to be changed. We will stumble, and we will make mistakes so that we can learn more, for the next opportunity will surely come to us to try again.

We just need to breathe and have faith that all that is being done now will one day lead us to a life of heaven on earth.

I spoke to a woman the other night who was so excited about what was being done for Haiti. The television programs that have raised countless millions of dollars to assist in rebuilding what was lost. She thought it was absolutely fabulous all that was being done. Her enthusiasm was infectious.

The devastation in Haiti opened the hearts of millions of people around the world.

Something that might not have otherwise happened.

There's a blessing somewhere in that.