Harder than it looks...

Yesterday was a day of extreme emotion.

It started with laughter, light hearted fun and connectedness.  It ended with tears of pain and sorrow.

We knew there was a video of the attack on my son.  It hit YouTube late last night.

Have you ever watched your son get beat by a boy that has no respect for himself or anyone else?

It's sickening, heartbreaking, body numbing.  And it takes your breath away but not in one of those "oh what a beautiful mountain" ways, more like a "oh my God, that's my son being kicked in the ribs and I can't do anything to stop it from happening" way.

It's an extremely vulnerable place to be.

I watched that video (YouTube removed it) and felt defeated for a time.  I've done everything I can to empower my children and here was one of them, being beaten down and I watched with my hands tied because I can't turn back the clock.

Earlier this week I made the decision to recommit to focusing my energy on non-violent empowerment for youth.  I had been doing it for years and then my focus turned to other things.  After viewing multiple videos regarding bullying and watching the Gandhi movie a couple of weekends ago.  I realized that change must happen.  Bullies aren't going to go away.  But empowering youth to do the right thing in a bullying situation, teaching them to stand firm in their belief in themselves and nurturing self confidence can make a huge difference in how many lives bullying destroys. 

Yesterday's events confirmed my passion for this topic.

And while I felt defeated, one thing truly stood out while I watched that video.  Not once did my son fight back.  Now I know most parents would want their child to protect and defend themselves.  My son knew there was no reason for violence, he hadn't done anything wrong and was happy to walk away and hope this kid settled down.  He was pulled down.  Punched and kicked, all the while saying "I'm not going to fight you".  He stayed in his integrity, he stood firm in his values and morals that violence is not the answer.

In the moment it might look like cowardice to some.  But to me I see strength, resilience and courage. 

God!  That's amazing!

As my son was trying to convince me to let him stay home from school today I explained to him that if something happens at school, if he is hit again, or hurt again I will do the same thing I did yesterday, today.  I will report the behaviour one by one by one for as long as I have to do that until someone gets the picture that we've all had enough of this bullshit.

This is all much harder that it looks by the way.

Standing Up!

I don't even know if I should blog about this or if I am 'allowed' to.  But I just can't keep it to myself.  So here it is.

Today, while visiting with a friend I got a phone call.

It was my son. 

His voice shaking. 

"Mom.....can you come and get me?"

He wouldn't tell me what was wrong and totally melted down when I got him into the truck.

He had been assaulted on his way home from school by a kid who apparently was purposely following him because he talked to a girl that this other kid liked.  This kid was accompanied by many others.  One who video'd the entire attack on his cell phone.

He was grabbed by the neck, thrown to the ground, punched in the neck and kicked in the ribs repeatedly.

He got away when one of the friends he was walking with interjected and ran into a nearby public school for safety.

I looked at my son.  And I said to him "we have to go to the police".  I knew he wouldn't want to.  What kid wants to go talk to police about just getting beat up?  My gut was telling me to help him stand up and show him that there are ways to empower yourself in the face of violence.  You don't fight back with force, you fight back with your brains and hopefully by taking the proper steps you help someone to change their ways and live a better life as well.

He was so embarassed by the attack that he just wanted to go home.  I asked him if going home would help him feel empowered and in control of his life.  He said 'no'.  I asked him if he thought going home and doing nothing would end this inappropriate violence.  He said 'no' again.

We headed to the OPP and spoke with an officer who was extremely comforting to my son and commended him on his courage for standing up for himself in this way.  She gave him tips on how to handle any situations that might arise and that she would notify school officials as soon as possible so that they could also be aware of the situation at hand.

As we left the station, I could feel his relief and I asked him how he felt.  He looked at me and he said "I feel good."  And I answered "That's because you just did something really good, you stood up for yourself, you empowered yourself instead of letting this boy beat you down."

Do I think this is the end of it.  No.

Do I hope that it is.  Yes

If we do nothing, nothing changes. 

I didn't go to the OPP arms raised yelling and screaming about the unfairness of life.  I let my son talk to an officer and I only spoke when asked a question.  She discussed options rationally and fairly.  He was given the opportunity to see that there are processes in place that can help him and keep him safe. 

This is how you teach your child to take responsibility for their safety.  I am so glad that I have learned this over the years.  I am so glad that I am able to share this with my son.  I am so glad he is safe!