Monday, September 9, 2013

Mind Your Business

Have you ever loved someone so much that you wished they would change who they are because who they are makes you uncomfortable?

You know the loved ones you have in your life who are overweight or still eat meat and you wished they would take better care of themselves and for goodness sakes take up vegetarianism because that's what you did or that's the lifestyle you've chosen and it seems to be working out just fine for you.

Or the ones who are constantly complaining about life or are depressed and you wish they would be grateful for what they have and for goodness sakes start a yoga practice because well that's what you did and yoga completely cured your depression.

Or what about the loved ones who have a hard time holding a job or insist on smoking cigarettes even though they are constantly sick and you wish they would get their act together and see that they are killing themselves slowly with their cigarette addiction.

Have you ever loved someone so much that you wished they would change their behaviour to something more accepting in your eyes?

I have.

Lots of times (and if I'm being honest I still do).

Though I often thought during those moments that my suggestions for supplements, exercise and gratitude were signs (proof) that I loved that person very very much and was showing my unconditional love for them.  I am very aware now that my suggestions were conditions to how much I could love that person and I would bet money that what those people were feeling as I was preaching how they should change their ways was not at all conditional love.  Instead they probably felt inadequate and not good enough for my love.

Unconditional love means unconditional acceptance of every behaviour and choice your loved ones make.

Unconditional love is realizing that just because yoga and veganism for example are your choice; it doesn't have to be the choice of others to maintain health and happiness.

Unconditional love is allowing your loved ones (now this is the hard part) to experience life the way they wish to experience it even and especially when they wish to experience suffering, depression and denial of themselves.

It can sometimes be the hardest thing in the world to see a loved one suffering.  Because we really do love them and we really do want them to be happy.  At the same time the ultimate act of love is allowing them to go through that for themselves.  Taking that away from them or trying to erase it altogether is an act of disrespect to their journey.

I've also heard it said that the only reason we don't like to see someone else suffering is because it reminds us of our own suffering that we've been trying so hard to hide.  Ah, that sounds about right.

Lets do our loved ones a favour and really love them by letting them alone to do and be as they please. 

And if their suffering is uncomfortable to us then maybe it's time to take a look at our own suffering and see if we can apply our own advice to heal ourselves.


  1. Glad you have come to that conclusion. Everyone is on a different path.sometimes what you may think is good advice is actually bad advice for another. I've also learned this lesson. Let others decide their own way.

  2. Lately I've been triggered by some choices others have made. It was a big sign for me to keep my mouth shut. It's my issue, not theirs. But the thing that plays in the back of my mind is this...Don't we all need a wake-up call, someone to challenge us, a kick in the pants sometimes? Isn't that part of our growth?

  3. I stuggled to keep my mouth shut last week when someone's choices really triggered me. I know it's my issue. But, don't we need a kick in the ass sometimes? Don't we need our loved ones to help us see when we are blind to a situation? I can't figure this one out.

  4. Great question Kelly and not one easily answered in a blog post response AND I'm going to give it a try anyway.

    Why do you feel they need a kick in the pants? I agree btw that everyone does need a kick in the pants every once in a while; whenever I've needed one I have received one from the Universe at the perfect time and it didn't include anyone telling me so.

    I suppose the question is always Why do I feel someone needs to change? Aren't they perfectly happy being where they are and doing what they are doing? Yes they may drive you crazy and they may complain about their circumstance but until they show up at your door and beg you for advice it's really none of your business and even then proceed knowing that your advice may never be taken :)

    I would definitely deal with why it triggers you and quite possibly the issue will resolve itself since that other person is a mirror of what most needs healing within you :)



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