Thursday, August 29, 2013

Step Away From The Victim

"We can't solve problems using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

Albert Einstein is quoted as saying this and I believe he was absolutely right.

The way I see it is we cannot overcome a challenge if we are believing ourselves to be victimized within it.

Victim minded thoughts and behaviour keep us paralyzed and stuck in a situation that feels like a life sentence in prison with no chance of parole.  We simply cannot see a way out AND to top it off every time we look for help we give the responsibility over to someone else to 'fix' it for us.  This is typical; it is the favourite way for a victim to deal with any situation.  Gripe to someone who you feel can do something about the situation and give them responsibility to handle it.  When that someone doesn't do anything or nothing is resolved it gives you an excuse to pin the blame further away from yourself, continuing the cycle of victimization.

This never works!

The only way to overcome a challenge is to step outside of the 'poor me' attitude that comes along with the victim mindset and remember that you have every right to ask for what you need in life and every right to receive what you need in life.

I was lucky enough to witness a situation where this had been a recurring theme in a clients career.  It seemed he was always coming up against challenges with relationships at work.  He would tell me hes tried everything and nothings worked but the whole time he was placing full responsibility on someone else to get the job done.  Giving them ample time to figure things out and when nothing was resolved it firmed up his belief that he wasn't valued and that no one wanted to help him.

The other day we had a discussion about this cycle; I pointed out various times he had encountered an opportunity to stand in his power and ask for what he needed when he made the choice to hand the power over to someone else.  I also pointed out his passive aggressive attitude towards those who would ask him how things were going.  I suggested ways he could rectify this issue that would show him his true potential and get him the relationship he was looking for.

He emailed today to tell me that he took an opportunity to apologize for his passive aggressive behaviour and calmly discussed the issues at hand and to seek advice in how to handle the situation further.  He then had a conversation with the person who was challenging him.  To make a long story short; much discussion was had and agreements made on how to move forward.  At the end of it all the person who was presenting the challenge thanked my client for coming forward and addressing the situation in manner that he did.

I asked my client how he felt about this resolution and he said it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders.  He'd been living with the stress, tension and frustration for over a year and he finally had relief.  I pointed out that it sounded like he gave relief to the person he was dealing with as well.

When we continue in a victim cycle we perpetuate the same energy in someone else.  We keep ourselves and others around us imprisoned.

Yes it takes courage to step away from the victimization because whether we are aware or not we may have become defined by our role as victim.  Sometimes we don't even see that we are acting like a victim.  Surely if you are feeling discomfort in a relationship or situation and if you are constantly pinning the blame on another person for the circumstances in your life you are playing the role of victim and it's time to step outside of that and own the power that is yours in a calm assertive, sure of yourself manner.

When you do this the rewards are endless!


  1. Jenn, I have been seeking community for a what seems to be a long time. I felt the area needed to catch up with me. I'm a spiritualist and see myself as here to help the world to evolve into something glorious, in spite of what the evening news may say. There are not many who would believe: "it's all in divine and perfect order". Are there others like yourself around? Do you ever meet? Karen

  2. Hi Karen;

    I have a group that meets every second and fourth Wednesday of the month with the intention of shifting our perception of life. We would love to have you join us if that interests you. Please email me at and I can add you to the contact list.



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