Fly Away

If I had to choose between fight, flight and freeze; I would have to say I'm definitely a flight risk.

When the going gets tough or I'm feeling discouraged, alone and afraid; I fly.

This is how I was feeling last night.

It's how I'm feeling again this morning.

I recognize that I really only choose flight when I'm dealing with emotions that I don't want to entertain.  I run to the nearest Twinkie or engage in Facebook marathons.  I numb out.  I run from the emotion. 

This has always been a theme for me and the awareness of it makes it that much more painful right now.

So in a recent moment of wanting to run I stopped myself in the middle of all of the excuses I could use to make a case for my escaping my commitment and reminded myself that there is a bigger plan that I can't and probably won't see the reason for for days, weeks or even months.  I reminded myself that where I have decided to be right now (as discouraged as I may feel in the moment) is right where I need to be and that this now is going to lead to the next one and so on and so on.  All of these now moments are leading me to something less discouraging.

It's easy to forget in my discouragement that there is a purpose to this life and all of the decisions I make within it are experiences for growth.  I forget that the divine plan can sometimes take years to put together and in the meantime we all need to do our part in that plan.

I heard the words 'hang tight something good is happening' as my head hit the pillow last night.  It made me smile and cry at the same time.

Some times things are hard.  Some times they are only hard because they bring up so much shitty emotion that we've tried desperately to choke down for so long.  Some times you gotta get through the hard to appreciate the easy. 

I'm making a note to myself to appreciate the easy.  Maybe then the hard won't feel so bad.