This post by my friend Darlene Gudrie Butts over at The Promise struck a chord today.
I wanted to reply to her post and then once I got started I realized that what I really needed to do was create a post of my own (it would have been at least a page long reply!). For the first time in a long time I am able to articulate in words what I feel in my body.
So here it is.
As I sit everyday in meditation, whether for five minutes of fifteen; I am filled with a desire so strong that it can only be the call of God to be of service.
The feeling that all things are possible. That every single message that I have heard in the past month has been leading me to this moment. My heart beats wildly and I feel like I can move mountains.
Then my meditation time ends and I look around me at the world and wonder 'Me?' and 'Can I?'
I feel like I am dancing on a very thin line and if I make the slightest move to the right or left I will be in IT, fully in IT.
The IT that God has always known I was purposed for. The IT that feels so radical and thrilling that it most surely should be reserved for someone with more fame or fortune or success than little old me. Maybe He's got the wrong Jennifer Merritt... That MUST be it.
The truth of the matter is that I am scared. I do know what will happen if I present this IT and I live it with all of my being. I know the impact it will have and the time that we are living in at this moment is ripe with possibility and my head spins and my knees wobble. I've always said I would never bungee jump or parachute from a plane and here God has me contemplating something I view as being very similar to both of those crazy stunts! My heart is already in my throat. Where did I put that barf bag?
If I take the step, if I do this consciously I know it will feel like a free fall. I will have left behind all of my fear, expectations and doubt and I will be flying on the winds of Gods breath. I will have trusted just enough to set things in motion.
I will have trusted that I have been purposed for something magnificent. I will have trusted in Gods love and faith in me.
Oh boy.
I wanted to reply to her post and then once I got started I realized that what I really needed to do was create a post of my own (it would have been at least a page long reply!). For the first time in a long time I am able to articulate in words what I feel in my body.
So here it is.
As I sit everyday in meditation, whether for five minutes of fifteen; I am filled with a desire so strong that it can only be the call of God to be of service.
The feeling that all things are possible. That every single message that I have heard in the past month has been leading me to this moment. My heart beats wildly and I feel like I can move mountains.
Then my meditation time ends and I look around me at the world and wonder 'Me?' and 'Can I?'
I feel like I am dancing on a very thin line and if I make the slightest move to the right or left I will be in IT, fully in IT.
The IT that God has always known I was purposed for. The IT that feels so radical and thrilling that it most surely should be reserved for someone with more fame or fortune or success than little old me. Maybe He's got the wrong Jennifer Merritt... That MUST be it.
The truth of the matter is that I am scared. I do know what will happen if I present this IT and I live it with all of my being. I know the impact it will have and the time that we are living in at this moment is ripe with possibility and my head spins and my knees wobble. I've always said I would never bungee jump or parachute from a plane and here God has me contemplating something I view as being very similar to both of those crazy stunts! My heart is already in my throat. Where did I put that barf bag?
If I take the step, if I do this consciously I know it will feel like a free fall. I will have left behind all of my fear, expectations and doubt and I will be flying on the winds of Gods breath. I will have trusted just enough to set things in motion.
I will have trusted that I have been purposed for something magnificent. I will have trusted in Gods love and faith in me.
Oh boy.
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