Pearl of Wisdom

I have emerged from my sea of shame with a pearl of wisdom.

Wanna hear it?

I had been doing some soul searching while swimming in the sea.  Why was I feeling this way?  Where was this coming from?  How can I learn from it so that it doesn't happen again?

I'm not sure I got any answers to my questions but a couple of truths came to me as I was searching.

First, I got a chance to realize that the shame entered into my body at the exact moment I saw a big ol' picture of me in the local newspaper with a nice little write up about an event my healer friends and I are hosting.  It was a fun moment, but obviously one that brought up all kinds of 'past beliefs' about who I 'should' be.

As a teen I was once told that I would get a 'big head' if I was given praises from a woman I had babysat for.  Basically 'big headedness' was frowned upon.  Either that or I wasn't given the benefit of the doubt that I could be given appreciation and keep a level head about it.

Either way, the minor circumstances that arose once that article came out were golden opportunities for my subconscious to latch onto them like a life raft.  I can just hear my subconscious saying "thank goodness you are here, now we can blow this out of proportion and protect ourselves from feeling shame from others!"

That's pretty much how it went.

My subconscious figured that if I shamed myself to the point of paralysis then it wouldn't matter if anyone else had a shameful word to say to me about it.  Kind of the subconscious making sure my head didn't blow itself out of worldly proportions!

The second thing that I realized was that every single situation requires someone who is willing to either plant the seed or push the domino to get things set in motion.  There needs to be an action for there to be a reaction so that lessons can be learned and the life game can be played.

And since I am such a willing (aka naive) participant in this life, I set the ripple effect in motion without even giving it any thought.

As I walked my puppy yesterday I heard a soft whisper that said "What makes you think those small circumstances weren't perfectly planned for your good and the good of others involved?  What makes you think you weren't being 'of service' in those circumstances?"

Good point.

And!  What makes you think YOU had anything to do with it!  {laugh out loud - oops, here I am taking all the credit for God's plan again ;)}

So, now that I am laying happily on the soft, dry, sandy beach and I'm out of that salty, shameful sea I have a clearer view of what had happened.  I can appreciate where I was and I can appreciate moving forward.

And that's a great thing :)