Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Boundaries and Beyond

We've all spent countless hours considering our goals, creating vision boards and visualizing our futures right down to the tiniest detail.

How many of us have spent that much time (if any time at all) confirming and setting our boundaries?

This was an 'AHA' moment that I had this morning.

It's easy for us to feel violated, encrouched upon and irritated when our boundaries haven't been defined.

For instance, even though I work from home, I still like for my children to ease back into my "space" gently when they arrive home from school.  My youngest loves to fly in, throw his face into mine and start explosively sharing the events of his day (anyone that has met Mr. Benjamin will know that he doesn't do anything less than explosive).  Even though I know that he is going to do this, it still can set me into a mood.

I can't place blame on him, I haven't verbalized my boundaries (and quite frankly until yesterday I didn't really know that this situation needed to be a boundary at all).

The point is that every day we walk around with unset boundaries and we wonder why we feel walked on, taken advantage of and abused.  We wonder why people are constantly putting their expectations on us.

As a business person, I've had many occasions where my boundaries (invisible as they are) have been crossed, that I find myself doing something in the name of 'business' and 'making money' and then feeling horribly about it afterwards.

It's time to set some firm (yet flexible) boundaries.  It's time to give myself permission to say "here's what I will accept and here's what I'm not willing to entertain".

Where are your boundaries?

Have you clearly set these boundaries or are they figments of your imagination.

I feel like setting boundaries is another way to be authentic and show others that you have integrity in the work that you do (whatever that work is).

The issue has been something I've struggled with for a long time, so I'm excited that I'm feeling ready to take on the task of setting myself up for further success by placing some healthy boundaries.

Now sticking to those boundaries is a whole other blog post :)


  1. I agree. Boundaries are a key ingredient to success and being in integrity with ourselves. Yes, a challenge too for many of us who believe we have to put others first. I will join you in establishing clear and spoken or written boundaries, Jenn.

  2. Ahhhh... This is a big aha for me, too. No wonder I often feel that way - I certainly haven't set very clear boundaries. Time to do that! :)

  3. thank you for this clarity, really needed it... how can I blame those that walk all over me if I've never advised them otherwise? sometimes it's just too simple to see :)

  4. I'm going to look forward to your book Jenn

  5. I've been working with some horses on energetic boundaries....so this is quite timely. Horses teach me lessons that people can't....because they're non-jugemental and don't carry the baggage that so many of us do. I do an exercise in the energy round pen where I literally "draw a line in the sand", if I feel the horse is coming too close for comfort. When I draw this line with intent and support that intent with my energy level...he stops. When I'm uncertain and wishy washy he'll challenge me by continuing to approach -- as if to say --- "are you sure?". And the lesson is so clear to me --- what was my intent, and did I communicate it clearly? If no, the horse will "tell me so" with his actions. And horses have such lovely, playful ways of challenging me, so that I don't feel threatened or resentful. And I "get it".....the lesson is something I take with me into the "people world". So if you're questioning your ability to set boundaries -- ask a horse, they're such wonderful, generous teachers.


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