Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Helllooo, divine feminine....Where are you?

The topic of the divine feminine has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now.

As I grabbed Marianne Williamson's book "A Woman's Worth" off my bookshelf for the first time and leafed through it, I began to realize just how far away I have pushed my divine feminine "powers".  Her words about feminine power and the ways of a woman really touched me and at the same time had me feeling frustrated and confused about where I am in this moment with those feminine powers.  I feel like I have misplaced them somewhere, like a set of car keys.

I can see it in the way I dress myself, the lack of effort I put towards my hair and make up, the muted colors I choose for my wardrobe.  There's no color, no fun in anything I wear.  To quote a good friend during a conversation about my struggle with this topic; "my inside isn't matching my outside".  I feel more frumpy than sexy.

Inside I feel love, joy and gratitude almost consistently.  Yet you wouldn't know it by my physical appearance.  My outward appearance looks tired, worn out.

Years of giving all of my energy to my son's and husband, throwing on jeans and a sweatshirt to head to the arena and watch hours upon hours of hockey.  Working from home as a healer means I don't have a need to get all dressed up in the morning.  The lack of time these days to write, draw and create have me drifting even farther from the girl I want to be.

I want to be comfortable inside and out, and I want to look good and inspire other women at the same time.

During yoga class yesterday I found myself staring into the mirror as I held the Warrior pose.  I forced myself to look over my body, I watched myself hold that pose, strong and powerful in that moment.  And I wanted to hug that woman in the mirror, to tell her that she is beautiful, that she is powerful no matter how it looks on the outside and that she is well on her way to becoming reacquainted with her divine femininity.

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