These last few days have been bumpy around here. The emotions of leaving our home of 20 years are starting to surface... Not that I'm nervous or scared. More that I am sad to be leaving what has been such a large part of our lives for so long.
As I thought about how I have handled the last few days though I started to question my authenticity.
I'm great at this, btw. I am great at being human and then giving myself hell about it later.
When you hear the word authentic, what does it mean to you?
I like to be authentic and to me it means being me. Usually that looks like someone that is very happy, who loves to learn new things, be kind and helpful to others and have a smile on and something positive to share.
When I find myself getting involved in the chaos and allowing myself to get stuck in frustration and helplessness I tend to feel un-authentic (if that's even a word). Almost like I am letting myself down if I allow myself to go to this dark, kind of space.
And because I feel like I should know better than to allow myself to go there. I have the tools to remain in a positive space. But how silly is that?
From the moment we are born, we are enlightened, spiritual beings in the school of life. No matter what is happening in our day to day life we are still spiritual beings.
So, there aren't any rules that say we cannot engage in frustrating (or disappointing) behaviour, because ultimately that is what we need to engage in, in order for us to learn how NOT to engage in it, or how to remain in a calm space when the chaos is flying around us.
The unpleasant situation, behaviour or emotion assists us in becoming more connected and closer to that spiritual being. It doesn't drag us farther from it. No matter what, we are always swimming towards our true nature.
In fact, after considering this over the last few days I realized how I was being completely authentic because I WAS allowing myself to engage in the chaos. I mean, it didn't feel too great and it was making me physically ill, however, it is what it is and eventually I found my way back to serenity.
So did I compromise my authenticity, or did I strengthen it?
Like it or lump it, even if your a serious spirituality buff like I am, you have moments when the Universe would like you to be human for the sake of learning something about yourself.
Even on the road to spirituality we need to take a trip back to earth on occasion to re-acquaint ourselves from which we came.
I allowed my emotional state to become unbalanced and at the end of the day had a very clear view of what had happened, where I lost my power, how I could have done it differently and a confirmation of the difference in my physical health when I remain in a space of calm as opposed to allowing myself to get sucked into the chaos.
I doubt it....
There will always be another opportunity to see how far I have come and what I still need to work on. Not to mention the grand reminder that I am a spiritual being living a human life and in that there are no vacations.
I look forward to that day....