Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Refuse to give up

When I reflect on this past year, I would have to say that this could possibly have been this year's motto.

My brother completed suicide in March, I systematically removed myself from dealings with my mother and sister because of a conflict in perceptions regarding my brothers' death, I endured nasty phone calls and emails and facebook musings because of this.  My husband and I were on the edge of separation and we dealt with my teenage son's threat of suicide as well.  There were other little disappointments thrown in as well but nothing unmanageable.

Through out the year I wondered how I was going to get through all of this.  There were many moments when I could have easily given up.  I can't count how many times I would announce to the Universe that I was throwing my hands in the air, that I was ready to toss my beliefs into the pit, give up the fight and join the craziness of those I was fighting against!

But I never did give up, because in those moments something would happen to me.  I can't explain it really, but a feeling would come over me and I would know instantly that if I did that, if I gave up, that I was losing out on the most profound experience of personal growth in my life.  With that knowledge in hand how could I possibly throw in the towel?

By sticking to it, by standing my ground and holding firm to my beliefs I grew into someone strong and courageous.  I know this to be true, not by looking in the mirror.  I don't see the change there.  I see the change in the people who surround me now, the people who surround me and who are in my life at this moment are the strongest, most caring and supportive people I have ever known.  They have lived a life like I have and they have refused to give up!  The people who surround you are a direct reflection of yourself.

Refusing to give your power over to someone or something is one of the most noble acts in this life.  Maintaining your strength and power in the chaos of this world is by far the hardest thing you may ever do.

But make no mistake it will also be the greatest gift that you give yourself and the people around you.

I know we have all hit a wall or two this year.  And although this year has been challenging, I'm sure you would all agree that it has been full of amazingly inspiring and uplifting moments as well. 

I learned so much throughout 2009 about myself, about other people, about forgiveness and the power of awareness.  I would not give up this year for anything in the world.

It was the year I shined!


  1. I think 2009 has been a crappy year for almost everybody! I wrote a post about 2009 being the worst year of my life, and I've had about 500 people googling "2009 worst year ever" since I wrote it.
    I like your perspective on it. I let others take me down and contribute to my depression. I'll have to think about it from your perspective from now on.

  2. Thanks for that comment! It certainly was a doozy of a year for most :)


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