Today was my grandmother's 92nd birthday.
I kissed the soft skin of her cheek and I asked her "have you ever in your life thought about the day you would become 92?"
She replied that she didn't think she'd make it this far. Her own mother dying at the age of 55.
She's a beautiful, beautiful woman.
At one point in our conversation she asked if it was November 11. I told her it was November 14 and she started to laugh saying "oh, it's my birthday today".
It was a cute moment.
She can remember watching her grandchildren play hockey 30 something years ago. She can remember the names of her neighbours and old friends. She couldn't remember that it was her birthday today.
I love this woman who became my grandmother when I married my husband. I love that she calls me her granddaughter, something I have no memory of my own grandparents doing since they died when I was young. I love that she believes I am a special part of her family. I love that she is 92 and can laugh at the fact that she didn't remember that today was her birthday.
I want to be just like her when I grow up!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The mess in my mind...
Have you ever been surrounded by people and still felt completely alone?
I have.
I do.
Most days.
Like even if I picked up the phone and called my very best, very closest friend she/he would still not be able to understand a word I am saying.
The equivalent to looking in the mirror and not even recognizing myself.
It's like stepping off a plane from a far off land, not knowing anyone and not being able to speak the language of the locals.
It feels like my brain is over stimulated by all of the everything that goes on around me and I can't put it all together and organize it into anything useful.
And so I smile.
Hoping that someone, anyone will recognize that smile, that look in my eyes that says "I need someone to understand me".
And then the reality of this situation.
One day they may be able to know who I am, to understand my passion, my motives and the next they will not. And that's the whole point isn't it? To change, to shift, to grow? To become someone you were not just 5 minutes ago?
Always sitting precariously on the edge of something new. A new belief. A new thought. A new life.
Then instantaneously, nothing is the same. The faces are different. They have to be. Or do they?
I don't know....
I have.
I do.
Most days.
Like even if I picked up the phone and called my very best, very closest friend she/he would still not be able to understand a word I am saying.
The equivalent to looking in the mirror and not even recognizing myself.
It's like stepping off a plane from a far off land, not knowing anyone and not being able to speak the language of the locals.
It feels like my brain is over stimulated by all of the everything that goes on around me and I can't put it all together and organize it into anything useful.
And so I smile.
Hoping that someone, anyone will recognize that smile, that look in my eyes that says "I need someone to understand me".
And then the reality of this situation.
One day they may be able to know who I am, to understand my passion, my motives and the next they will not. And that's the whole point isn't it? To change, to shift, to grow? To become someone you were not just 5 minutes ago?
Always sitting precariously on the edge of something new. A new belief. A new thought. A new life.
Then instantaneously, nothing is the same. The faces are different. They have to be. Or do they?
I don't know....
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
A Letter to Me
I love that song by Brad Paisley entitled "A Letter to Me".
If you don't know the song, it's about a grown man who wishes he could write a letter to himself as a teenager giving himself tips about life and how to get by.
I'm not sure why, but this song is stuck in my head today and it got me thinking about what I would say if I could write a letter to myself.
Have you ever wondered what you would say to yourself as a child?
Dear Jennifer;
You don't know me, but one day you will. You were born to do amazing things.
I know it doesn't always seem like it, but there is love for you everywhere, no matter how invisible you feel at times. I've learned that this feeling of being invisible is really common amongst children and you are totally normal and there is nothing wrong with you!
You work so hard to get good grades in school, most of the knowledge you will need however won't come from text book or a teacher. It will come from a place within you. It's a place you already know very well and all you need to do is practice listening to that wisdom and using it when you can.
If you only knew how much your smile would light up rooms and melt sadness and fear, you would show it off more often.
You know all those dreams you have that others laugh at. Keep those alive inside of you and don't let anyone knock them loose. You fulfill every single one of those dreams.
There are going to be many bumps in the road of life, you manage each one of them just fine, always brushing yourself off and setting off to the next thing.
You know that hunch you have about marrying the Merritt boy? That one's right on the money, and it's a special relationship the two of you have. You'll finally know unconditional love, you'll finally know what it's like to have someone appreciate and admire you. You have so much to offer eachother. But you know that already, don't you?
Make sure to always say what you feel, even if you think someone's feelings will get hurt. It's important to speak your truth, to share your feelings and thoughts. More important than you realize.
And just so you know, parents don't get divorced because their kids did something wrong, they get divorced because they don't love eachother the way they used to and they want something more for eachother. Your Mom and Dad will always be proud of you no matter what!
You grow into a beautiful, strong and healthy woman. You'll be a great mom, one of your greatest dreams!
All that you think you are, small, unimportant, fragile, invisible and "uncool". You couldn't be further from the truth. You are powerful, important and strong.
You have a very important role in this life and I am so very proud to be who you are.
Love
You @ 38.
If you don't know the song, it's about a grown man who wishes he could write a letter to himself as a teenager giving himself tips about life and how to get by.
I'm not sure why, but this song is stuck in my head today and it got me thinking about what I would say if I could write a letter to myself.
Have you ever wondered what you would say to yourself as a child?
Dear Jennifer;
You don't know me, but one day you will. You were born to do amazing things.
I know it doesn't always seem like it, but there is love for you everywhere, no matter how invisible you feel at times. I've learned that this feeling of being invisible is really common amongst children and you are totally normal and there is nothing wrong with you!
You work so hard to get good grades in school, most of the knowledge you will need however won't come from text book or a teacher. It will come from a place within you. It's a place you already know very well and all you need to do is practice listening to that wisdom and using it when you can.
If you only knew how much your smile would light up rooms and melt sadness and fear, you would show it off more often.
You know all those dreams you have that others laugh at. Keep those alive inside of you and don't let anyone knock them loose. You fulfill every single one of those dreams.
There are going to be many bumps in the road of life, you manage each one of them just fine, always brushing yourself off and setting off to the next thing.
You know that hunch you have about marrying the Merritt boy? That one's right on the money, and it's a special relationship the two of you have. You'll finally know unconditional love, you'll finally know what it's like to have someone appreciate and admire you. You have so much to offer eachother. But you know that already, don't you?
Make sure to always say what you feel, even if you think someone's feelings will get hurt. It's important to speak your truth, to share your feelings and thoughts. More important than you realize.
And just so you know, parents don't get divorced because their kids did something wrong, they get divorced because they don't love eachother the way they used to and they want something more for eachother. Your Mom and Dad will always be proud of you no matter what!
You grow into a beautiful, strong and healthy woman. You'll be a great mom, one of your greatest dreams!
All that you think you are, small, unimportant, fragile, invisible and "uncool". You couldn't be further from the truth. You are powerful, important and strong.
You have a very important role in this life and I am so very proud to be who you are.
Love
You @ 38.
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