The mess in my mind...

Have you ever been surrounded by people and still felt completely alone?

I have.

I do.

Most days.

Like even if I picked up the phone and called my very best, very closest friend she/he would still not be able to understand a word I am saying.

The equivalent to looking in the mirror and not even recognizing myself.

It's like stepping off a plane from a far off land, not knowing anyone and not being able to speak the language of the locals.

It feels like my brain is over stimulated by all of the everything that goes on around me and I can't put it all together and organize it into anything useful.

And so I smile.

Hoping that someone, anyone will recognize that smile, that look in my eyes that says "I need someone to understand me".


And then the reality of this situation. 

One day they may be able to know who I am, to understand my passion, my motives and the next they will not.  And that's the whole point isn't it?  To change, to shift, to grow?  To become someone you were not just 5 minutes ago?

Always sitting precariously on the edge of something new.  A new belief.  A new thought.  A new life.

Then instantaneously, nothing is the same.  The faces are different.  They have to be.  Or do they?

I don't know....