Sunday, March 15, 2015

Receiving (and Accepting) Pleasure

**Disclaimer.  This post is about sex.  Or to be more accurate; the lack thereof and the desire to have more sex.  If you are sensitive to this subject do not read further.**

So as I am preparing for bed last night I decided to click on Dr. Christiane Northrup's latest video.

In the video she outlines 6 secrets to a healthy and more satisfying sex life.


With my 2015 need to find my sexual self (it's been MIA for well over a decade); I eagerly clicked on the video to learn something new.  What happened though was I discovered something entirely different.  All of what Dr. Northrup discusses in her video are things that I know.  I mean I know I know.  I've read the books and seen the movies.  I know this stuff.  So why am I not having the best sex of my life?


That's the problem.  It's not that I can't have the best sex of my life, it's that I'm not WILLING to have the best sex of my life.  "Why on earth would you not be willing?" you might ask.  Well.  I don't really have the concrete answer to that one......yet.  But I will tell you that I know it's has something to do with my beliefs and thoughts surrounding sex.

Dr. Northrup discusses the very real impact that our thoughts and beliefs have on our lives.  Including our sex lives.  For instance, not long into my marriage with my husband we (naturally?) began to have less sex.  Maybe it was the kids; maybe it was boredom; maybe it was that we were taking advantage of the other person always being there.  Whatever the reason, we just weren't getting it on the way we used to.  I suppose one day he was sharing his frustrations or maybe asking advice from my dad (yes I know what you are thinking - he asked your dad about your sex life?  Ewwww.....  Look, he and my dad were best friends WAY before I entered the scene; so get over it).  Anyhoo.  My dads response to this inquiry was that I must be just like my mother.

I love my mother dearly and we have many things in common; it didn't sound as though this was meant as a compliment.  And I think this excuse of my dads was a cop out as to why they may not have been having the greatest sex of their lives; but still.  My parents were also separated and I don't recall any real lovey dovey stuff happening in the kitchen as a kid if you know what I mean.  So immediately I took that comment as a knock out to my libido; and to be honest there were other beliefs in the way as well.  But it hasn't really regained consciousness since.

Which leads me to my 2015 revival *wink*.

So watching Dr. Northrups video made me realize that what is really happening with my libido is that I'm not willing to receive.  I have trouble receiving and accepting pleasure.

Remember back in the day (okay it maybe still exists today) when girls that were assumed to like sex were labelled 'sluts' and 'whores'?  I even had a friend tell me that women who have great sex and like it are control freaks.  Our perception of a great sex life is just a little fucked up.  And my brain is all over that fucked-up-ness.

All of this shit in my brain is bumping up against my acceptance of pleasure.  My brain is basically telling my body 'no go sister; you know what they'll say about you if you like it'.  Despite the fact that I am now 42 years old; married for something like 24 years and happy damnit!

So this morning during our Sunday morning romp I decided to take Dr. Northrups advice and allow myself to RECEIVE THE DAMN PLEASURE!!!  While it didn't have the lightning strike, fireworks effect that I was expecting (I have high expectations for myself in case you hadn't noticed); it did definitely wake up parts of my brain and body that had been shut down for far too long.

So why am I telling you this?  Cause I KNOW I am not alone.  I know that women all over the world are like 'meh' when it comes to sex or you need at least three glasses of wine to let things loose and enjoy yourself (ahem, speaking from experience).  The best sex of my life happens when I'm staying in a motel room 10 hours from home on a 'parents only' trip; eating out and not having to pick up after or feed anybody.  That's my idea of foreplay!

So while I'm not completely out of the woods so to speak with regards to my libido.  It is definitely peaking around the tree and that in itself is freaking miracle!

So if you want a rocking sex life you may have to stop blaming your partner for not knowing where to touch you and start touching yourself or at least admit that you may be putting up the walls and slamming on the brakes because you simply don't think you deserve to receive pleasure.  Either way you're a winner!

You're welcome ;)

No comments:

Post a Comment

I enjoy receiving your respectful comments :)