Something I've been thinking about lately is dreams. The kind that are like goals; not the kind that are like movies that play in your subconscious while you sleep. The kinds of dreams that are pie in the sky ideals of who and what we wish to become or contribute to the world.
I don't have any of those pie in the sky ideals. I've looked into it many times. I've written out 100 goals that I've wanted to achieve in the past and after a couple of years I've looked at them again and thought "why did I write that? That's not me."
Maybe it's just me but the more people tell me to 'dream big or go home' the more frustrated I get about life. The biggest dream I ever remember having in my lifetime was to become a wife and mother. Been there...still there actually. Maybe that's why I don't seem to have room in my heart for another dream. Being a wife and mother is never ending. I will be doing it until the day I die and even then someone will still be calling me 'Mom'. Right?
My biggest dream in the past month has been to move the compost over ten feet. I accomplished that dream today with the help of my hubby.
Maybe that doesn't qualify as a 'dream'. But it kinda sorta feels like it does in my world.
We're told in this 'be all things to all people and make money doing it' society that if we don't have a dream we are like a ship without a rudder drifting aimlessly across the ocean with no direction and no destination in mind.
When I see my friends accomplishing their dreams I stand in awe of them. Many of my friends are reaching their goals; fulfilling their dreams. They are landing themselves on the front pages of magazines; single handedly feeding the hungry and clothing the poor, changing the world, etc. And I wonder why it is that I don't have a rudder? Am I directionless? I don't feel directionless. Do those who have no direction know they have no direction or do they feel like I do. Do they feel like things are going just fine?
It's kinda funny to think that I am having these little conversations in my head while I look around at who I am and what my life looks like and realize that I am quite content with all of it. I remember a time when I wasn't content with any of it. My THEN certainly doesn't look like my NOW.
Maybe it's enough that I simply want to live happily and be the best version of 'me' that I can be (whatever that best version looks like in any given moment). That might not be enough for the next guy/gal but it seems certainly sufficient for me at this moment and maybe, just maybe that is enough of a rudder to keep me on course in this big ocean of life.