Sunday, May 5, 2013

The Whisper Of Our Truest Self

Every once in a while I find myself in a frenzy of needing to 'find' myself.  As if somehow when I wasn't looking my 'self' went missing and left me with a gaping hole of nothingness.  In this realization I start to panic instantly. 

Oh my God!  Where am I?  What am I?  I need to do something....  Don't I?  I need to find myself so I can do the something I am meant to do and then I will be happy and free and I will be so happy and free that my 'self' won't go missing again!!!!

I begin to push myself into the mold of who I believe I should be and what would be acceptable to the rest of the world.  I push myself into expectations that I don't fit into.  The happiness and freedom that I experience in this space is fleeting.  It's here one day and gone the next.  And like any good junkie I push forward looking for my next 'fix'.

This behaviour.  This unconscious behaviour keeps me living in a cycle where my only purpose is avoiding the emptiness; avoiding the nothingness that I know lives inside of me and no matter how hard I try I cannot escape it.

How do you escape nothingness if it is a part of you?  And if it's a part of you is it something you are supposed to escape or is it something you can embrace and love?

In a world that says 'keep moving forward', 'push past the pain', 'success is what you are here for'; it is difficult to consciously embrace the nothingness.  We aren't taught that there is a place inside of us that holds the secret to life.  We aren't taught that boredom is good.  We aren't taught to embrace the moments where we fear if it were our last we would have accomplished nothing in this lifetime and would have ultimately failed as a human being.

We are taught that if you feel 'down' and 'depressed' then you need medication.  We are taught that if you have no drive in life it must be the fault of someone or something not making you happy and you must find out what that is or at the very best begin to blame everything around you in an attempt to claw your way out of the nothingness.

Here is my observation today.  This nothingness that lives within us, in which we are a large part of.  I believe that it aches to be a present force in our life.  I believe that it is with the embracing of the nothingness that our truth lies and our unbounding ability to love resides.  I believe that we will never ever escape the hamster wheel we call life and all of it's materialistic trappings if we don't give our nothingness a few minutes of our time when we find ourselves connected with it. 

That connection isn't a mistake and it's not a chance happening.  It's the whisper of our truest self asking us to be courageous enough to play where there is nothing but space.  And in that space we are whole.....again.


  1. My fear of my nothingness --- of disappearing and not being seen --- is what feeds my false need to be all things to all to it all when it comes to me -- for fear that it will not come again and I will indeed disappear. And I get that the void cannot be filled by anything outside of me. So as I look at the many lovely opportunities presenting themselves to me -- seemingly all at once --- I pause before I say yes or no and ask --- what need is this really filling? Will I truly disappear if I don't do it right now......and can I be gentle and kind to myself if I don't do it? Will I be more than enough without doing it right now? Can the love and compassion and gentleness for myself be enough right now? Just musings for now. Thanks for the opportunity to reflect. Much love!!

  2. Exactly VW! My Soul is tired of the being all things to all people. The nothingness that I used to fear is now calling my name as a haven from the craziness of life! I love this awareness. I love your musings :) Share them whenever you can please! xo


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