But we're not really aware of it.
The truth is we are all victims on some level. We all believe that a wrong has been done to us (just because we believe it doesn't make it true) and so we blame and hate and judge others to make us feel justified.
The truth is that ignoring our victimhood tendencies keeps us stuck in a cycle of grossness (sorry, I couldn't think of a more appropriate term).
I made the connection that my specific type of victimhood is what you would call 'martyrdom'. My girlfriend and I were laughing about this realization this morning because it's so ridiculously true, to the point where she has sworn me to never ever ever get involved in another big project again! She's tired of the bitching and moaning I guess.
The Websters Dictionary defines 'martyr' as a person tortured for a belief or cause; a person who suffers from an illness.
In my case the word 'martyr' means "a person who BELIEVES they are tortured for a belief or cause".
I say "believes" because it's not real. It's just a belief in my head that people are after me. GAH!
You see the martyr in me loves to do big things, all by herself. She loves to work her ass off doing everything herself without asking for help because (and this is key) it gives her a reason to blame everyone else when things don't go right. When someone steps on my toes; it's a reason to bitch. When someone criticizes; it's a reason to moan and judge. It's perfect! I do all the work, then whomever gets in my way while I'm doing it becomes the reason why it didn't turn out perfectly!
This is NOT perfectionism people! This is insanity!
I have a very long list of things I have done in the guise of 'helping' or 'being the hero' only to have the veil lifted to reveal that it was all a set up from the very beginning (an unconscious set up but a set up none the less)! Oh those poor unsuspecting people that got in my way.
I even remember a few years ago after a day of scrubbing my house to cleanly perfection I announced to my family that I was the only person who had any right to dirty the house since it was I (Queen Shit) who did all of the cleaning. LMFAO! I remember my husband looking at me with this surprised/half smile look on his face while he said "Really?"
That is a typical martyr.
There are also victims who when faced with any kind of challenge or confrontation fold up into the fetal position and cry until their face is swollen beyond recognition.
Then there are the warriors that will fight and spit and sweat for what they believe to be a 'just' cause.
I used to think I was a warrior. I think because being a warrior seems more noble than being a martyr or a cry baby. But none of them is noble, that was a lie I told myself to justify my behaviour.
No matter which victim personality you possess they are all equally exhausting and alienating.
The victim in you might want to take this knowledge and run with it. Turn it into another reason to get all pissed off and self righteous. If you can take a deep breath right about now and really look at the ridiculousness of your victim self you will feel much better and you will be breaking the cycle. Like when the people took down the Berlin Wall, they had to chisel away at it to make it fall. The wall is a projection of what we feel in our life everyday; restriction, stagnation. You can do the same thing to your victim self. You can chisel away at it by looking at it, denying it power over you by laughing at it or at least minimizing it and then forgiving yourself for buying into the stories your victim self has told you.
Anything your victim self tells you is a lie. It's a lie because it wants you to believe you are NOT the powerful, wise being that you are.
The victim self wants you to believe that you are small, insignificant, wrong and well, a victim. None of that is true.