About 3 years ago my middle son was struggling with the loss of a friendship and not being accepted by his peer group.
One night as we were driving home from hockey we were talking about these struggles. He shared with me that there were boys who teased him about his clothes, his hair, his lunch and even the type of containers his lunch came in!
I asked him about how he felt about it all. Did HE like his clothes, his hair, his lunch and his containers?
His answer was "yes" to all of those.
So then I said to him "what's the problem then?"
I remember his eyes lighting up as he realized that, that was all that really mattered. How he felt about himself.
Right at that moment a song came on the radio called "What do you think about that?" by Montgomery Gentry.
It's a song that talks about not caring what other people think of you, no matter what their judgements are.
There are NO coincidences in life!
I told him then, that this song needed to be his theme song until he had found himself on the other side of this situation. Everytime he dealt with these particular boys he thought of this song.
It helped him find the courage to stand up for himself and the confidence to find new friends that liked him for him!
He is now in grade 8 and will be entering high school in September. He is one of the most well rounded boys I have ever met. He gets along with everyone in his class, is caring and compassionate, and has a great sense of humour. He is confident and willing to try new things. He definitely brings something special to his peer group!
Our kids struggle all the time with issues of self acceptance (heck most adults struggle with this as well!).
As parents it can be equally difficult to help our children through this. I have found the key to this is to not "fix" their problem for them, but to give them tools, ideas, options to use when they are faced with difficulties. Allowing them to figure it out on their own and learn how to deal with life's ups and downs themselves will set them up for success in the future.
Having the opportunity to affect change in a situation for themselves can give them the confidence boost they need to go far in life!
And those are life skills that will never go to waste!
One night as we were driving home from hockey we were talking about these struggles. He shared with me that there were boys who teased him about his clothes, his hair, his lunch and even the type of containers his lunch came in!
I asked him about how he felt about it all. Did HE like his clothes, his hair, his lunch and his containers?
His answer was "yes" to all of those.
So then I said to him "what's the problem then?"
I remember his eyes lighting up as he realized that, that was all that really mattered. How he felt about himself.
Right at that moment a song came on the radio called "What do you think about that?" by Montgomery Gentry.
It's a song that talks about not caring what other people think of you, no matter what their judgements are.
There are NO coincidences in life!
I told him then, that this song needed to be his theme song until he had found himself on the other side of this situation. Everytime he dealt with these particular boys he thought of this song.
It helped him find the courage to stand up for himself and the confidence to find new friends that liked him for him!
He is now in grade 8 and will be entering high school in September. He is one of the most well rounded boys I have ever met. He gets along with everyone in his class, is caring and compassionate, and has a great sense of humour. He is confident and willing to try new things. He definitely brings something special to his peer group!
Our kids struggle all the time with issues of self acceptance (heck most adults struggle with this as well!).
As parents it can be equally difficult to help our children through this. I have found the key to this is to not "fix" their problem for them, but to give them tools, ideas, options to use when they are faced with difficulties. Allowing them to figure it out on their own and learn how to deal with life's ups and downs themselves will set them up for success in the future.
Having the opportunity to affect change in a situation for themselves can give them the confidence boost they need to go far in life!
And those are life skills that will never go to waste!
This is such a great post! I love the way you approached your son and gave him the tools to work through his problems. And I agree, adults need this advice too. I will be pondering this throughout the day, Do I like what I'm wearing, behaving, and being? Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you liked it Charissa! Thanks for popping by!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. I hate it that some parents would classify that as "bullying" when it was just kids being the ridiculous beings they are at that age.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are giving him the tools he needs to thrive on his own! I hope I am doing the same...