This is one of the main points (I believe) of becoming more self aware and spiritually evolved (and by spiritually evolved, I mean more connected to your divine state).
It is one of the main points to finding true peace and empowerment in your life.
Becoming responsible for yourself.
Ask yourself these questions: Who has responsibility over your happiness? Your level of self esteem? Your success? Your thoughts? Your goals? Your dreams? Your anger? Your lack of financial independence? Your relationships?
Very rarely do we accept ownership or responsibility for these things in our life. How silly is that? I mean why do we want to give our ability to be happy over to someone who has no idea what happiness even looks like? Or what about making it someone else's duty to ensure our self esteem levels are at a healthy standard when their own self esteem is suffering?
It's an utterly ridiculous concept and still we see it all too often, don't we?
We put expectations on friends to ensure we are entertained when we are in need. We complain to our spouses that we aren't happy in the relationship and place the blame on their shoulders. Our children insist it is you who must find them something to do when they are bored.
Granted, it's a beautiful thing to love someone so much that you try to make them happy, successful, wealthy and fulfilled. However, it's a much more beautiful thing if you insist on being the person that does this for yourself and encourage those around you to consider the same.
We take a wrong turn in life when we hand over power and control to someone outside of ourselves. It results in internal and external conflict, marriages fail and friendships implode, people become increasingly miserable and blame everything under the sun on external sources.
This behaviour does nothing more than feed the victim within. The person inside of us that insists on not taking responsibility for their life absolutely loves being able to blame someone else for their misfortune.
It's not fair when you think about it. The husband who has been put in charge of his wife's happiness will most surely fail. There is no room for success since he most likely hasn't got a clue as to what makes her happy (how many women actually know what will make them happy)!
The point is, there is only one person who can be responsible, who has control over your happiness and that person is YOU.
How do you become more responsible? How do you take charge of your life?
Here are some tips:
1) You want to become aware of your emotions in every situation. Our feelings are our first indicator that we need to explore more deeply. If you are feeling sad, it isn't because someone caused you to become sad, it is because you placed unfair expectations on another person or experience and the outcome disappointed you, therefore you are responsible for your own sadness.
2) You want to actively engage in "turning it around". If Joe is frustrating you because he won't pick up his socks turn it around "Joe should pick up his socks" becomes "I should pick up his socks". If you want something done and no one is doing it (regardless of your nagging) take responsibility and do it yourself since you are the only one that wants it done anyway.
3) Remember that no matter what the situation looks like on the outside, people are NOT out to get you, they are NOT out to make your life miserable and there is NOT a personal vendetta against you. When we get to this place inside of our heads we really have no sense of responsibility for our selves and so it feels like every single person on the planet is against our quest for happiness. Again, awareness of these thoughts is a great first step because awareness moves us into a new phase of growth and realization. To get past this you can use the "turning it around" tip.
I have to say that it has been my experience that becoming responsible is not all that hard. Since the reward is almost always automatic in that you begin to feel empowered and that is where the domino effect starts to happen.
Soon, you will be able to recognize when someone is putting their responsibility on you and you can make the wise decision of not accepting it. When we accept the responsibility of making someone else happy, or useful or whatever we are perpetuating the problem.
And we all know where that road leads......
Simply J is a self awareness mentor and certified Reiki teacher.
If you wish to learn more about her work visit www.stateofbeing.ca