It's so easy for us as human beings to get caught up in the competition of life, to compare ourselves with everything we come into contact with. It seems a never ending cycle.
It's also easy to come upon a blog, website or facebook page these days and find yet another reason to feel inadequate.
Lately I've been working on pinpointing my dominant energy profile. For me it's just an exercise in further self awareness, to be able to bring myself into a more comfortable space of being me.
I have been feeling a little more comfortable in my own skin, after years of being told who I was is not acceptable. Or that people would prefer me to be one way until they called upon me to be needed another way. This way of living is exhausting. It really is more satisfying and takes less energy to just be you, whatever that looks like, feels like, tastes like and acts like.
In finding out better who I am, I've come up against some things that I don't necessarily find flattering about myself, things that I know are changeable and I have total control over.
Mostly learned behaviours that I know I will have to be diligent about if I want to correct them.
One of those things is that I find I am a very judgmental girl.
This is a pretty big thing to me and lately I seem to be given many opportunities to notice and come into awareness more about it.
Years ago I met with an intuitive who warned me about this behaviour. I took heed to everything else she told me, but for some reason I paid little attention to this particular piece of news.
As a child I grew up in a very judgmental family. Gossip was my mother's middle name (as was my neighbours). We lived in a small town and everybody knew everybody else's business and there seemed to be someone new standing judgment by the local housewives each day.
This doesn't excuse that I have taken this behaviour and nurtured it.
Lately though, the uncomfortableness level climbs each time I hear myself placing judgment. I even become irritated by judgmental people when in fact I am judging them for being judgmental.
The irony is not at all lost on me. I can see what is happening, it's an interesting thing to hear words come out of your mouth and instantly see the truth of the situation, your insecurities and the reasons why you are judging another. Like a viewer watching a movie playing out on the screen. I believe this is what rapid karma looks like... A perfect mirrored reflection in the moment that it is occurring. What a gift!
I wish I could snap my fingers and my judging ways would disappear magically. But I've tried that and....well it doesn't matter.
For now, I simply say a silent prayer to those I have judged when the awareness arises that I have done so (it doesn't take long to pop up to the surface these days). And hope that the energetic damage to the judgee is minimal.
I've been known to call and apologize to the person I was voicing my judgment to.
It's not an attractive trait, and I am quite ashamed of this behaviour. I know I'm not the only one in this world that judges, but I would like in the very near future to be one more person who doesn't.