I am one of those people who beats herself up on the way home from functions for saying the "wrong" thing.
I am also one of those people who doesn't hide her emotions well. If I am feeling nervous or anxious, I will just say so.
This is what happened last night at a monthly gathering that I am to speak at in February. The speaker last night was phenomenal. She had a great story, she was entertaining and inspirational and the whole time my stomach was in knots and I was thinking "now how am I going to do that?" How am I going to effectively engage the audience so that they enjoy what I am saying to them.
At that moment my little saboteur, the one I call "you're not good enough" popped into my head and started to fill it with nonsense. ARGH!
What happened next is why I felt the need for a beating. A couple of people were expressing that they were fondly anticipating my speech next month. This made me cringe (saboteur body language, did you know they take over your whole body?). By this point my insecurities were so close to the surface that I couldn't manage a pleasant thank you at the compliment, instead I said "I hope I don't disappoint anybody". OUCH!!!!! Where is the duct tape for your mouth when you need it, huh?
I really don't like this particular saboteur, because it doesn't just attach itself to the issue at hand, it spreads like a virus into the other areas of my life and then I freeze up.
I'm trying not to let that happen (hence the blog post about it). I am aware of it and therein lies the power.
My motto is "awareness is key". I believe that when we are aware of things like saboteurs, limiting beliefs, negative influences we have all of the power. Oh for sure the insecurities will think that they have the upper hand, however they cannot hold all of the power if your mind is aware of what is taking place.
When you become aware of your saboteur, in that flash of a moment you become very powerful. You now have a choice. You can allow the saboteur to wreak havoc in your life and cause you to feel unworthy, unloved, unaccepted, alone and desperate or you can choose to kick the saboteur to the curb and get back to business.
And if you're like me and you do the "beat yourself up" self talk thing all the way home you need to know that just because you allowed yourself to be caught off guard by your saboteur doesn't mean it's the end of the world. You can get back on that horse, all you have to do is stand up, dust yourself off and hop on! In no time at all you will be back on track and galloping at a nice pace.
Come on, we'll do it together.