A little faith

There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.   ~ Mohandas Gandhi

I am a quote-a-holic.

Quotes perk me up the way little blue pills................well......you get the picture.

The above quote is a great reminder for me today. 

I didn't sleep well last night at all.  My dreams were all over the place (as they have been for quite some time now) and I found myself in that crazy place where you are aware that you are dreaming and you want to do something about what you are seeing but you can't because you are really asleep.... 

So all night it felt like I was trying to put out fires, or at least create a change in what was happening only to find that I could make no difference at all.  I woke up feeling helpless and hopeless, insignificant.

And then I found this quote this morning.  Aha!

Last nights crazy dream situation reflects how I've been feeling in my waking hours these days.  I can see relationships ending and circumstances in my life changing (drastically!) and even though this is all familiar territory, I have been worrying about it incessantly!  Trying to find the logical explanation (is there one?) and trying to find a solution that keeps everything fine and dandy.

If I'm being honest with myself, I have no control over any of this, whatsoever!  I didn't put these balls into motion, they just started rolling and here I am on the sidelines watching it happen feeling hopeless, helpless and insignificant.

That's my real problem.  I've expected myself to know what to do and to fix it.  I've had no faith in the flow of life and I'm exhausted from trying to keep up!  There's a picture.  I'm trying to keep up with God's plans for me instead of allowing that energy to lift me up to the place I need to be.  It inevitably always does!

Last night I went to bed looking forward to the sun rising.  And now I know why.  Somewhere in my being I knew that clarity would come by sunrise.  And it did.

Today I have the opportunity to let go.  Now that I can see where it is I was resisting, I can loosen my grasp and relax a little knowing that in the end all I need is a little faith.








 

To fear...or not to fear....

In my last blog I talked about being offered an amazing opportunity to take part in a retreat as a presenter.

It wasn't until I declined the offer and had a short discussion with my friends over dinner that I realized that I was feeling scared and intimidated by the thought of presenting in front of all of those fabulous people.  And I was covering it up with all kinds of other excuses.

I want you to know what I did with this situation, so that you know it can be done and hopefully it will help you when you are stuck in fear.

First, I emailed a good friend of mine and admitted to her that I was feeling scared.  She acknowledged what I was saying and added how exciting it would be if I could change my decision and move past my fears.  She also shared how great it was that I was noticing my fears and admitting to them.  (When you admit to your fears, they somehow magically diffuse to a point where you can see a little more clearly and gain forward movement).

I then made the decision to admit my fears to the coordinator of the retreat.  I wanted to be completely honest with her about why I had originally decided to decline her very gracious offer and asked if it was possible if there was still a space available for me to participate as a presenter. 

She replied with an amazing "You're in!!!"

And now....

Now I am planning my "workshop" for that weekend, I am fine tuning my bio and getting ready to send it over to her tonight.

The feeling of overcoming these fears is amazing.  I have been living with them my entire life!

The fears of not being good enough, or of being judged are common amongst women. 

It is however, imperative that we overcome these fears. 

If for no other reason than to prove to yourself that you can!

Just once.....

Last week I was approached to take part as a presenter for a woman's retreat this summer.

I have been wanting to take part as a participant for a couple of years now and for some reason it just didn't work out.  So, when presented with the opportunity to attend as a meditation facilitator you'd think I'd jump at the chance.

You'd think....

I mean what better way to connect with new people who are like minded and create new relationships?!?!  What better way to get my name out to a whole new crowd of people?!?!?!

Oh, I have many excuses for why I did not take this opportunity.  The list is incredibly long!

The real reason I declined to attend as a presenter is because I am totally shit scared of presenting to women who have experienced many meditations already.  I'm feeling intimidated by the line up of amazing women who are also presenting during this weekend...  And I don't think I am worthy of presenting at such an amazing event.

UGH!

Just once I would like to walk up to an opportunity and embrace it completely without my monkey mind stepping in to question my sanity....

Just once I would like to walk past my fear as if it were nothing more than a fly on the wall walking around in circles and grab hold of opportunity like a long lost lover.

Just once I would like to give myself the credit that I deserve for the multi-talented, divinely creative person that I am.

Just once....

What room are you living in?

This quote is speaking to me today.

"There is an Indian Belief that everyone is in a house of four rooms: A physical, a mental, an emotional and a spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time, but unless we go into every room everyday, even if only to keep it aired, we are not complete."    -- Rumer Godden

Lately I've been paying more attention to which "room" I am living in and have realized that I am sometimes afraid to leave that room and venture into another.

The emotional room seems to have been one that I visit less frequently and it all depends on the emotions that are waiting for me there.
 
I find lately it's becoming easier and easier to show my happy emotions and harder and harder to show my not so happy emotions.
 
Anyone who knows me well knows that I can't hide my emotions.  I wear them on my face and carry them in my body.  Expressing them verbally is another issue altogether. 
 
Every once in a while I wake up in a mood that is quite edgy, sometimes sarcastic and always witty.  And if I'm being honest here, it is a really fun mood to be in.  Personally, it's the mood I feel most creative in, it's the mood where I get more accomplished and appreciate myself more. 
 
And yet, there is a small piece of me that says "you can't show this to other people, this is not who you want them to see.  This personality is not cute, calm and inviting.  Stay home and don't talk to anyone while you are like this". 
 
That's the voice of the person inside of me that isn't comfortable with her authentic power. 
 
Authentic power is when you are living in all 4 of those rooms and you are comfortable with each of them.  Authentic power is never hiding who you are whether you think it's good or bad, it's important to show the world your many wonderful facets of being human.
 
If only to inspire someone else to do the same.
 
It's a myth that "spiritually conscious" people never experience anger, resentment, jealousy, shame and have to be loving and kind every moment of every day (Mother Teresa was an extremely special woman, we weren't all cut out to be just like her).  Each of us is here to experience all of life, every emotion, every challenge for the sake of our own personal growth.

The point of the spiritual journey is to walk through all of our experiences and learn from them, and that means feeling the emotions that come up throughout the experience. 

We rarely learn a lesson of great importance while walking on cloud 9 with a smile on our face and a spring in our step!

So, this quote is a reminder to me to visit my emotional room every day, check in, take a look around and see what needs to be addressed without judgement, without fear.

A butterfly morning

I woke up this morning with the usual butterflies in my stomach....

Can't exactly pinpoint why they are there. Does it matter?

I really am a morning person, it's the initial waking up I have difficulty with.

I've been experiencing this since I was a kid. So by now it's probably habitual, as soon as my body experiences waking up it immediatley knows to throw on the dramatics.

This morning though it prompted thoughts of the state of my mental health. How crazy am I that I wake up every morning feeling like my stomach is going to take flight.

And even more crazy is that no one else knows about this but me. Until now that is.

These butterfly feelings start my day. Every day! I fight past them each morning so that I can get out of bed and get my kids ready for school. For the most part I do a great job at hiding them and go about my business. Some times (like today) the tears don't stop and I wonder how I'm going to get through the rest of my day.

Why am I telling you this? I don't know. Maybe because I am tired of living in secret hell. Maybe because it is coming up on a year of my brother's suicide and I feel like he and I have a lot in common. I wonder if he woke up with butterflies in his stomach and kept them to himself?

And to the reader that loves to remind me that there are natural disasters happening all over the world, and that my issues are nothing in comparison. For me (and maybe for someone else) this my personal earthquake.

I talk a lot in my blogs about having faith in life, making choices that serve your highest good, etc., etc. And I want you to know that each and every day I live what I blog about. Because if I didn't I would be living in the deepest darkest hole you could possibly imagine and I certainly wouldn't be sharing it with you.

I do know the importance and value in living in alignment with your highest purpose. It brings you opportunities you otherwise might have missed.

But it's not easy. Nope, easy is not a word I would use to describe it.

Especially when you are fighting against a strong current of anxiety, depression and fear. It can seem like a constant battle going on. Good vs. Evil stuff. And what about all of those people who can't make the choice, who are so buried under the mental anguish that they can't see through it to even find value in living?

Well, to those people I say, I love you. Because I do. Because I need to. Because.....well just because.

Your True Potential

Are you aware that at this very moment there is tremendous potential living inside of you?

Did you know that the reason that you are not living to your fullest potential in this moment is because of a fear that keeps you from fulfilling your desires?

Think about one desire that you have right now in this moment.  I'll wait.......



Okay?

Now think about the one reason that is keeping you from obtaining that goal.......  I'll wait again.....


Now identify which of the 6 basic fears the reason relates to:
a) a fear of criticism
b) a fear of ill health
c) a fear of loss of love of someone
d) a fear of poverty
e) a fear of old age
f) a fear of death


You now hold the answer to why your dreams are not being fulfilled.  You now hold the key to changing your life around one dream at a time.


What does this feel like to you?  Is it empowering?  Does it bring up more fear?  If so, go back to the beginning of the exercise and start again with this new feeling.  Maybe you feel like now that you are aware of what is holding you back you can now make steps towards obtaining your goal?


I realized through this exercise that my fear of criticism is responsible for a minimum of 80% of the mistakes I have made in my life thus far.  80 whopping percent!


Mistakes like not taking a risk when I had the opportunity, not sharing my opinion at a time where my opinion could've changed events, resentment of not enjoying the time when my children were very young, past obsessions with housework, cleanliness, etc.


All of these things (and more) come from my fear of being criticized.

I recognize now that every time I have an idea or desire to do something "different", I get frozen in my tracks.  No progress is made because I simply am too afraid that someone will criticize me.


I want you to experience the amazing feeling that you get when you finally realize the one thing that has been holding you back all this time.  It's like looking at the world from a whole new perspective, now everytime I do, think or say something negative or limiting I can immediately recognize what fear that thought, word or action is attached to.


I did it just last night, no sooner had the words come out of my mouth when I realized what I had said and what exactly I was putting out to the Universe in that moment.  And let me tell you it was not favourable!


This is extremely empowering!  When you become aware you single handedly take the power away from your fear and turn it into an opportunity for change and improvement and ultimately success!


I encourage you all to take some time, write out some mistakes you feel you have made in your life, whether it's the color of the paint on your walls to feeling like you married the wrong person, write it down!  Then grade the mistakes with the above listed 6 basic fears and see how you do.


I would love to hear from you once you have finished this exercise.  It may be the single most important thing that you do in your day!  The insight that you gather about yourself, your life, your current and past circumstances is deepened with this exercise.

One step at a time we can break free from the chains of fear and limitation and awaken our true potential within!