Do You Have Comparitosis?

You know; I wasn't back on facebook more than 48 hours (after a month long facebook diet) and I found myself right back into the cycle that made me leave facebook in the first place.

That is the moment I realized I am suffering from a common ailment I have affectionately dubbed Comparitosis.

Comparitosis is both non-life threathening AND life threatening.  It's a tricky little dis-ease that I estimate 90% of the human population suffers from without knowledge. 

Comparitosis is a psychological dis-ease that encourages you to adopt false, negative beliefs about your self-worth and potential.

Flare ups of comparitosis can happen in an instant.  You can be moving along, enjoying life, loving yourself when all of a sudden BAM! it hits you.  Somebody else does or attains something you have always wanted to do or have and because you unknowingly suffer from comparitosis you immediately go into how you have nothing and the other person has everything or you are a nobody and the other person is a somebody.

My form of comparitosis flares up when I see someone achieving something I believe looks like success.  Immediately my body turns hot and I feel overwhelmed by sadness at the things I am not successfully accomplishing.

Other forms of comparitosis involve but are not limited to material possessions, finances, career and family.

I'm beginning to understand my dis-ease as insanity and am working on controlling the flare ups before someone around here discovers I would be more comfortable in one of those little white jackets that buckles in the back and makes it so that I hug myself tightly. 

Funny thing about comparitosis though, the minute you realize you have it.  It kinda sorta goes into remission.  I have suffered with this dis-ease of perception since I was a little girl and it wasn't until that moment on facebook that I realized it was affecting me on such an intense level.

I am learning as I go, but so far I have figured out a few things about how to reduce comparitosis flare ups and I thought I'd share them.

* Immediately remove yourself from the cause of the flare up.  AKA turn off facebook or turn away from the conversation.
* Keep paper and pencil handy.  When you discover yourself at the onset or in the middle of a comparitosis flare up, the best defense is to write down the comparison.  example "Sally lost 25lbs in 1 month and I am still overweight and unhappy; I'll never lose weight".
* Take it to the next level.  With the same pencil and paper, write down ALL of the things you can think of that you have accomplished in your lifetime (size does not matter, write it ALL down).
* Do the happy dance.  Moving your body is like a reset button for the emotions and is a great way to celebrate your accomplishments.  Once you have written down all of your accomplishments, turn on the music and dance around (again size does not matter, just move!).

I took these steps the other day in removing myself from a comparitosis episode and found that my list was really, really long.  What I realized is that my accomplishments in my 39.7 years of being on this planet are probably more than most people would only dream of accomplishing.

Once my list was written I posted it on the refrigerator so that I can see it everyday.  A great reminder of an accomplished woman who is working hard to free herself from the confines of comparitosis.

Giving it up

Have you ever had a moment when you wanted to give it all up?  Not a suicidal moment, in fact not a thinking moment at all.  Not a negative experience, just a real experience.  A moment where it seems nothing is real and if you woke up tomorrow and it was all gone you would feel relieved?

I had one of those moments yesterday.  It was a split second visual of life up to this point flashing before my eyes and my brain wondering what it's all been for and my heart totally reaction-less.

It was strange and surreal and.......strange.

Strange mostly because this is not how I normally feel at all about my life.  So (of course) I questioned the validity of the moment.  Where did it come from?  Why did it exist at all?  What purpose does it serve?  Is it something I need to look more carefully at?  Was it fear?  Would I really be relieved if it were all gone tomorrow?

Honestly, I answered yes to that last question.

Maybe it's my addiction to the tv show 'House Hunters International'.  Seeing all those people give it all up to move to a remote location and live their dream life is SO appealling to me.  I feel like I could literally go with one suitcase and start a fresh life.   

As strange as the moment was.  It definitely felt like I instantly became clear about the concept of nothingness.

Nothing exists and yet we put so much emphasis on that nothing that it becomes something we are attached to and cannot live without.  We become emotional about it.  It stresses us out and causes us to behave in ways that we cannot explain.

So, how do I feel today?  The same.  The remnants of that moment are lingering, twisting and floating in my mind and body.  I'm not questioning it anymore though, I feel like it's a piece of wisdom that is living inside of me.  There's nothing for me to do.  There's nothing for me to need.  I am here and that is all.

This wisdom has most likely always been living inside of me, it's only now I know it's there. 

Just an Observation

What if for one day you decided to just observe your life.  You know, stand off to the side of everything that is happening and simply watch it like a movie (or the Survivor series).

This thought has been coming up for me a lot lately.

Why not just observe what is happening instead of letting myself get sucked into the emotional drama of the situation?  Why not just let whatever is happening happen without placing a label of 'good' or 'bad' on top of it?

It's like taking the next step in your journey to 'go with the flow'. 

To be able to observe rather than judge takes the pressure and stress out of life.

And it may be easier said than done.  Especially for fellow drama junkies out there, but it is still definitely doable with a little practice and patience.

For instance.  Last week while I was taking some time to meditate I found my mind wandering (as usual) and I would quietly put the random crazy thoughts aside.  I did this over and over and over again until finally (after about an hour!) my mind just fell silent. 

It felt a little like putting cranky babies to sleep and then tip toeing around them so they didn't reawaken :)

Going with the flow and becoming the observer in your life takes the same calm, gentle commitment it does to send your thoughts away during meditation.

Imagine being able to connect with the moment that a simple, neutral situation (they are all simple & neutral by the way) becomes an emotion filled drama fit for the big screen.

This past week I had a couple of those simple, neutral situations come up and my mind wasted no time at all turning them into murder mysteries and high speed chases!  I didn't stop to question the labelling and judging until it was too late, they had already been developed and they were having an effect on my physical and mental well-being.

The truth is this happens to all of us, all the time.  Unless you are a monk sitting atop a mountain in total alonedom (like a kingdom but more alone, you get the picture) you are going to have drama and your mind is going to want to give you something to talk about around the water cooler at work tomorrow.

The trick is just becoming more aware of what this drama does to your body and your life.  Asking yourself "is this worth it?"  "what am I getting out of this drama?" may help you to realize that it's all a ridiculous ploy to create a worthwhile story that you will tell for days and days until something new comes along.

Today, I'm making a commitment to myself to become the observer more often.  I want to reduce the amount of tension my muscles are holding onto.  I want to reduce the amount of time I waste telling and retelling a story that if I think long and hard about it, has no content and expends a whole lot of energy for nothing.

It's time to remind myself that I am the captain of this ship and we'll be having no more of this mindless nonsense.

Feel free to join me.

Did you feel that?

I just exploded...

I swear it was a 9.9 on the richter (sp?) scale!

Thankfully no one is bleeding....  or worse!

Just some bruised ego's and a teenager whose friends now think I have lost my mind... 

Although these friends might have already been aware of my mindlessness...

This happens to me every once in a while.  It's like I am a rubber band that has been stretched and stretched and stretched until it can't stretch anymore and it just snaps!

This is not the person I want my children (or their friends) to see.  However, in this moment it's who I am.

Crazy mom.  Wild woman.  Cry baby extraordinaire!

I tried to stave it off by sitting in a nice hot bath and turning up the meditation tunes as loud as I could...

But alas.  Serenity wasn't meant to be.

There were many factors to this evenings explosion.  Many, many, many factors.  None of which are unfamiliar to mom's and women everywhere!

Maybe I shoulda brought the wine bottle down to the tub with me?

Oh well...  there's always next time....

I'm a junkie...

I've kept it a secret for too long.

Been in the closet with the door locked, sitting in the dark wondering if I'd ever get the nerve to admit my addiction.

Today's the day.

I woke up this morning and realized I can't live with this lie any longer.

Here goes.

I am addicted to acceptance.

Whew.

I feel lighter already.

The problem with being addicted to acceptance is that the need is never really met.  The craving is so intense that you will do anything to get it!  The side affect of this addiction of course is that even the smallest amounts of outward acceptance cannot tame the need!  The more you receive acceptance from others the more you feel starved of it!

A never ending cycle.

Or is it?

Admitting this addiction has been a very big part of my personal growth process lately.  I've been watching myself in certain situations and noticing my reactions and feelings in moments of someone expressing their acceptance of me.

It feels good still, but it doesn't have the same hold on me that it used to.  What used to make me feel warm and fuzzy for days, quickly loses it's sparkly happiness and sends me into a place of questioning "If that person can so easily accept me, why can't I?"

This is where the junkie in me can step even further into the stronghold of the addiction or I can recognize that I'm no longer in need of outward acceptance and move forward.

I realize that what I truly want is the permanent high of self acceptance.  It's what I've been looking for all of this time, I was just going about it the 'wrong' way.  Or is that the 'right' way since eventually I got it!

What addiction have you been hiding?  How is it keeping you from moving forward? 

Expectations and all that Jazz....

Expectation: belief about (or mental picture of) the future •anticipation: anticipating with confidence of fulfillment •the feeling that something is about to happen


Expectations...  They are tricky little suckers...

I've come to regard expectations as just a smidge evil.  They turn good people into buckets of stress!

Why?

Because we can't control someone else's behaviour and actions.  So expecting something from someone outside of ourselves is almost always a lose/lose situation...

Have you noticed what happens when the things you have been expecting, don't come through?

It throws you off balance and turns you into a miserable sour puss for the rest of the day....  Maybe you'll use that as an excuse to make everyone else around you pay for your misfortune, or maybe you'll sulk?

Expectations can ruin your plans for the loving life you wish to live.

I know the argument will arise that the Universal Law of Attraction says that we need to be in a state of expectation when it comes to our dreams.  I gotta tell you; I experience a higher rate of positive manifestation when I don't put my full energy into the expectation part! 

The key to this law is to feel the appreciation and the love of the expectation, not just in the expectation itself.

The kind of expectation I am addressing is the kind that takes a loving man, woman or child and turns them into a blood thirsty lunatic when they aren't getting their own way....  Sound familiar?!?!

I've heard the argument "respect and love should be expected from our children, family, friends and spouses" or "without expectations there isn't anything for anyone to work towards".

What about when your expectations totally take over your life.  You expect this from one person, this from another and something else from someone else.  Your life is full of expectations of others.

Are you living a life where you are expecting everything from everyone outside of you?  Do you find yourself in a state of consistent disappointment and unhappiness?  Are you unwilling to carry out the exact expectations you are putting on someone else? 

If you answered yes to these questions.  Let me ask you:  How is this working for you?

I'm guessing that it isn't....

The good news is that this is really easy to change.

The next time you have the opportunity to expect something from someone (and there is ALWAYS another opportunity).  Take a moment and re-evaluate the situation.  Ask yourself if there is a benefit to this expectation or will it leave you feeling unloved, unworthy and unappreciated if the other person doesn't follow through? 

Relax your expectations a little.  Relax them until you feel happiness and relaxation instead of stress and frustration.  Until your relationships blossom and feel good to you.  Until you receive something you didn't expect.

What you may find is that the less pressure you put on the people in your life, the more room there is for harmony in your relationships, and the less room there is for stress and frustration!

Besides, the only person we can really expect anything from; is ourselves.  And even that's a challenge some days....