Showing posts with label no longer feeling stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label no longer feeling stress. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Expectations and all that Jazz....

Expectation: belief about (or mental picture of) the future •anticipation: anticipating with confidence of fulfillment •the feeling that something is about to happen


Expectations...  They are tricky little suckers...

I've come to regard expectations as just a smidge evil.  They turn good people into buckets of stress!

Why?

Because we can't control someone else's behaviour and actions.  So expecting something from someone outside of ourselves is almost always a lose/lose situation...

Have you noticed what happens when the things you have been expecting, don't come through?

It throws you off balance and turns you into a miserable sour puss for the rest of the day....  Maybe you'll use that as an excuse to make everyone else around you pay for your misfortune, or maybe you'll sulk?

Expectations can ruin your plans for the loving life you wish to live.

I know the argument will arise that the Universal Law of Attraction says that we need to be in a state of expectation when it comes to our dreams.  I gotta tell you; I experience a higher rate of positive manifestation when I don't put my full energy into the expectation part! 

The key to this law is to feel the appreciation and the love of the expectation, not just in the expectation itself.

The kind of expectation I am addressing is the kind that takes a loving man, woman or child and turns them into a blood thirsty lunatic when they aren't getting their own way....  Sound familiar?!?!

I've heard the argument "respect and love should be expected from our children, family, friends and spouses" or "without expectations there isn't anything for anyone to work towards".

What about when your expectations totally take over your life.  You expect this from one person, this from another and something else from someone else.  Your life is full of expectations of others.

Are you living a life where you are expecting everything from everyone outside of you?  Do you find yourself in a state of consistent disappointment and unhappiness?  Are you unwilling to carry out the exact expectations you are putting on someone else? 

If you answered yes to these questions.  Let me ask you:  How is this working for you?

I'm guessing that it isn't....

The good news is that this is really easy to change.

The next time you have the opportunity to expect something from someone (and there is ALWAYS another opportunity).  Take a moment and re-evaluate the situation.  Ask yourself if there is a benefit to this expectation or will it leave you feeling unloved, unworthy and unappreciated if the other person doesn't follow through? 

Relax your expectations a little.  Relax them until you feel happiness and relaxation instead of stress and frustration.  Until your relationships blossom and feel good to you.  Until you receive something you didn't expect.

What you may find is that the less pressure you put on the people in your life, the more room there is for harmony in your relationships, and the less room there is for stress and frustration!

Besides, the only person we can really expect anything from; is ourselves.  And even that's a challenge some days....

Monday, March 22, 2010

The Peace of Nothingness

I don't know how to describe what has happened to me. Except to say that an unexplainable sense of nothingness has entered my life. Unexpectedly bringing a sense of tremendous peace to me.

I believe this is what I have always been looking for. And it is finally here. And it feels so different than the way I used to feel. Different than the way I used to interact with life. And I don't even know how it happened!

I verbalized this to a friend last night. Trying to make sense of it, I haven't been spending all sorts of time meditating or paying attention to how I am living. I'm just being me and all of a sudden here I am feeling like I am in a state of constant peace. Like there is nothing that needs my attention, there is nothing that is bringing me stress.

Case(s) in point:
1) 6:30am this morning, my 15 year old son wakes me up to let me know that I may receive a call from school because the Friday before March break he skipped out for the day and he lied to me about where he was and why he "missed" the bus. He lied to me the entire week and got what he wanted all week, and hung out with friends and we even took his girlfriend to the show and to dinner last night.
~ I had no reaction to this. The thought crossed my mind to be angry, but I wasn't! The thought crossed my mind to ground him until he is 35, but I didn't!
(okay the great thing about this is he warned me before the phone call which I can only hope is his conscience speaking :)

2) Payday last week, my hubby's paycheque didn't quite cover the cost of all the bills, we had a vet bill to pay because we just got our dog spayed, and we had promised our youngest we would go to the show and dinner.
~ I had no reaction. I did not panic as per usual. I moved some bills around and made some space and then I left it alone!

3) On our way home from the movies last night the boys got into a punching match in the back seat, one was hurt and crying, the other one was defiant and all of this happening amongst the guests they brought to the movies with them. My normal reaction would have been some heavy duty screaming and yelling. Some blaming and guilt tripping.
~ Nothing!

There are many, many examples of that sort of thing happening to me lately. I cannot explain how it is that I came to this place. I am a bonafide control freak! I love(d) to have control over everything. My 15 year old and I have argued constantly about his manipulation and lying, why am I not bothered by this now? Being short on income is tremendously stressful in our house, why not now?

At first I thought it was that I didn't care anymore. I thought I was losing my mind, maybe sinking back into depression.

The difference between how I feel now and how I felt when I was depressed is that when I was depressed I had all sorts of thoughts jumping around in my head telling me how I should react, my body would feel stressed out and angry. But NOW, I feel...well....nothing. My body isn't reacting in it's usual manner and there are no thoughts about what should or shouldn't be done about the situation. I am calm.

Something significant is going on here and I believe it is going on inside each and every one of us right now. Being aware of it is the first step to recognizing that we are now becoming more and more like our natural selves.

Today, take the time to notice any changes in your behaviour. Changes in the way you react (or not) to situations.

Take a moment to notice your thoughts and question them.
"You should clean the car, it's filthy and it doesn't look nice". "Do I WANT to clean the car right NOW? Am I happy with the car being filthy?" Yes or no?

"My co-worker is really frustrating me today?" "Is it important for me to become upset with my co-worker? Does it change anything about the situation if I do?"

I believe it may have been this kind of questioning that lead me to this place where my thoughts are not controlling my life.

It is a simple step with grand rewards!