You are the Captain of your Relation-Ship!

I picked up a book off my bookshelf the other day called "Complaint Free Relationships" written by Will Bowen.

I purchased this book over a year ago and hadn't even opened it!

This weekend was a 'soul searching' weekend.  Nothing I had planned, it just sort of happened.

Anyway, I love how when you are ready to conquer a belief system, the tools and ideals magically appear in front of you. 

This book is one of those tools.

The book speaks about the state of our relationships with ourselves and others are based on perceptions in the mind.

This information isn't new to me, and at the same time it is!

Think about that person that you work with that you absolutely cannot stand.  Think about your thoughts while on your way to work.  What are they saying about this loathesome being?  I'm pretty sure they are not good thoughts.

If you are having nasty thoughts about this co-worker, then it shouldn't be a surprise to you when he/she behaves exactly as you expect them to behave.  Energetically, they are living up to your expectations.

Whoa!

Did you feel that shift?!?  I certainly did!

I spent some time yesterday releasing all sorts of people and the perceptions that I had held about them.

Often times we feel victimized.  We feel we've been done wrong at some point by the people in our lives.  We sit with that wrong doing and we review it daily, adding bits and pieces of things to the story that make it sound 'better'.  We do this for days, months and years.  The mind is loving this!

What we forget in the midst of all of this victimization behaviour is that we have all the power inside of us to change this situation.  It's a matter of making a choice.

Last night as I sat in meditation, my heart was filled with so much love and compassion for the people in my life whom I've filled my relation-ship with negative photos of.  I began to see myself taking down those photos & perceptions of them and revealed all sorts of wonderful memories and pictures that were hidden by the yucky ones I had placed on top of them.  What a relief I felt as I drifted off to sleep, knowing that those pictures were gone, that I had made a choice to make a change.

I have been holding onto some ugly, ugly perceptions of people.  Something I'm deciding to let go of.

All those perceptions do is make me feel sad, alone, frustrated and angry, which leads to behaviour I normally would not entertain!

This simple meditation has filled me with so much forgiveness.  Because in reality there is nothing to forgive, it was all made up in my mind!

The people involved in our victimization stories haven't done anything 'wrong'.  They haven't done anything TO us. 

We've done it to ourselves!

Don't believe everything your mind tells you...

When I was a young girl, I remember being able to stay up late to watch a movie, all the lights were off in the house and as I sat watching television something under a cabinet caught my eye and I stared at it from my position on the couch. The longer I looked at it, the more it looked like a glowing eye. The more I thought about it being a glowing eye, the more I convinced myself that there was a snake with a glowing eye under the cabinet. I was frozen in my spot. I wanted to run up to my room, I wanted to turn my attention back to the movie, yet I couldn’t. My mind was beginning to create a story about a snake in my house, that had a glowing eye, that if I moved out of my spot it would spring towards me and bite me. I was terrified.


In the morning I went back to the cabinet, got down on my hands and knees and discovered that the very thing that I was terrified of was in fact a piece of foil from a candy.

Not much has changed in my mind over the years.

Countless times on road trips my mind would turn uprooted tree trunks into bears or moose. Reflectors on the side of the road into glowing eyes in the night.

I spend lots of time unravelling the stories in my mind, desolving them into nothing more than an overactive imagination and the ego‘s need for attention.

The stories in our mind can paralyze us if we aren’t aware of what is happening.

Our minds are powerful tools of creation. We’ve all heard the term “what you think about you bring about”.

This statement is absolutely true.

Our minds can create stories of triumph or of tragedy, of courage or victimization.

How many times have we had a non sense thought about ourselves, an event or a relationship, allowed that thought to trigger a wound in our emotional body and then further allowed it to go about having a life of it’s own all the while we suffer through it.

The suffering can stop if you wish it to stop.

And all that needs to happen for the suffering to stop is to become aware that what you are reacting to isn’t the truth. It isn’t reality. What you are reacting to is a fabrication of the mind. A thought that has been allowed to run rampant. A fish tale if you will.

Invite yourself into your mind. Dismantle the story that is being played over and over again in your mind. Take a really good look at whether that story you are playing in your head is making you feel better or worse about yourself. Is it bringing you peace or pain? Is it assisting or hindering your forward movement in life?

When I question my thoughts and stories, they magically transform. They sometimes become nothing, they lose their “power” over me. And sometimes taking a closer look at these thoughts helps me to gain more awareness about my world, about how I process information and how I unnecessarily react to situations.

It’s absolutely marvellous!

Mind Games

What would happen if you questioned your next thought?

Something like....Is this thought really true?

I've been doing this lately, kind of a little experiment to my self to see where it will take me and all the fun that goes with that.

What I have noticed is that the instant I question my thought I experience a feeling of peacefulness. Then the next thought comes around and I question that and again peace... And on and on it goes.

Something very different happens when I allow my thoughts to wander and grow. I find I get agitated and unfocused. The challenges with not questioning your thoughts is that your days and nights become filled with reliving past events, your mind is constantly filled with fake conversations and arguments, and your body experiences stress and tension.

Sound like fun?

Not really.

When we don't question our thoughts we become more and more detached from the moment we are living in. The NOW moment.

Another question I have been asking myself in moments of stress, or when I find myself getting caught up in a mind game is "am I OK in this moment".

Take for example thoughts over a lack of money (we all have that once in a while), when I find myself entering into the mind game of "I don't have enough money" I stop myself and ask "do I need more money in THIS moment?" Usually the answer to that is "no".

That small "no" seems to have been bringing me a great sense of peace that allows me to think more clearly and sometimes even see opportunities that weren't there before (or I just wasn't seeing because I was too busy playing the mind game).

I've also added another statement to this one, once I realize that I am not really in need of more money, I state "I look forward to feeling a lack of money". I know this sounds a bit crazy, but I realize it isn't the last time I am going to feel this lacking feeling so I might as well embrace it so that when it comes back I'm not surprised and I am better prepared since....well....I look forward to it.

And truthfully, this statement feels much better than any of the worrying I have done over money in the past, therefore I know it is the right thing for me to do. Good feelings = happy me!

Just for fun, the next time an infamous "lack of" or "not good enough" thought pops into your mind, ask yourself "is this really true?" or "am I okay in this moment?" and see where that takes you.