I Meet Him There

For most of my life I have been in a state of resistance.  That resistance lead to lots of pain, oodles of anxiety and more than enough stress and worry.

Last year I met a woman who was working in a retirement home kitchen part time, going to nursing school, raising her daughter and expecting a little one.  When I expressed how amazing I thought she was for doing all of these things, she replied "God tells me where to go and I meet Him there".

It was that moment, hearing those words that I realized where I had been going off track in my life.   At that point in my life I was very busy trying to make things happen on my own, I was experiencing failure and setbacks at breakneck speed and it was making me crazy.  I felt like a constant failure.

Sometimes trying to make things happen in life is like rubbing two wet sticks together hoping to create a fire.  It takes so much energy and rarely produces any results!

Over the past year I've been fortunate enough to experience many moments of allowing God to tell me where to meet Him.

Each time I am willing to let go of my control freak, Type A nature.  I am rewarded.

I used to think that strength and success came only if you were busting your ass to make things work.

Now I realize that most often true strength and true success comes from being patient enough to wait for God to tell you where to meet Him and then making your way in that direction.

The purpose of life isn't in the moments of strife and struggle, far from it.  The purpose of life and the happiness, success and abundance you seek is in the patient, quiet, serene moments.

I wish you a life full of the latter.

A heart to heart

To say I've been feeling a bit lost lately would be a huge understatement.

My mind is all over the place (and so are my blog posts!)

Each day I wake up hoping that today is the day things turn around.

Not that things are horrible.  Everything on the outside is looking just fine and dandy, it's my "inside's" that are making the fuss.

So today on the way home from a meeting with a friend and student of mine, I took some time to think about where I've been and where I feel I am going.

I had a heart to heart with myself and with my angel guides.

I shared my worries and fears about moving forward and (once again) committed to letting go of these so that I could freely be guided to do what and who it is I am meant to be.

It felt good to release all of that energy.

When I arrived home there was a phone message from someone I was waiting to hear back from with regards to an opportunity to teach Continuing Education workshops for a local college.

Instantly, my mind started to go through the list of things I needed to accomplish to make this meeting a success.  My heart started racing and the stress and anxiety began to creep in.

SCREECH!

Wait a minute! 

Did you or did you NOT just tell your guides that you were letting go of this shit stuff?!?

Okay....breathe....

Let the test of my commitment begin!

The Sum of My Small Steps....

The other day I was doing some writing in my creative journal and I came across an entry I made more than a year ago that said "I am the sum of my small steps.  When my steps seem their smallest, it is then that I am learning the most".

I had forgotten that I made that entry until I read it again.

And today, the thought hit me again as I sat in the Reiki class I was teaching.  And I found myself explaining to my students that it is when you are at your lowest point in life that you are doing your greatest learning.

I can remember a time in my life when it felt like all I was doing was living on the high of life's peaks and the low's of life's valleys.  Up and down my emotions and life would go, consistently, day after day after day.

It felt like I wasn't getting anywhere at all.  My steps seemed so small.

I wasn't allowing myself the opportunity to nurture myself while I was in those valleys.  I would criticize and judge myself, then I would push through the fatigue, anxiety and depression to the next thing.

I eventually learned that the peaks and valleys that I experienced became less intense when I took the time to listen to my body and nurture my soul.

The emotional valleys are put on our paths to allow us time to rest.  When you are at rest, your body, mind and spirit are healing.  When you are allowing yourself time to rest you are expressing love and appreciation for the self.

Now my steps are a little bigger.  The peaks and valleys hardly noticeable. 

And when I look back I can see my tiny footprints that connect me to who I used to be and who I am now. 

A good, good day....

Today was a good, good day.

My Easter began with a kiss from my youngest son. He is 10, he crawled into my bed, leaned over top of me and kissed me on the lips, then he said "Happy Easter, Mama".

Ahhhhh.

There was a time when my Easter mornings were filled with stress. When my children were young I was worried whether or not they would enjoy their Easter treats, whether the house was presentable enough for family, whether dinner would turn out perfectly for my guests.

In fact, any holiday stirred up my need for perfection and I would spend the day worrying instead of enjoying.

I went about Easter a bit differently this year. The kids all received ample amounts of candy and each a new toothbrush, yo-yo and bicycle helmet (our puppy chewed their old ones). Nothing close to the extravaganza of gifts they are used to. And you know what, they have had a grand time practicing their yo-yo skills. Even the teenager got into it!

Today, I realized just how far I have come in my quest to be imperfect. I didn't go overboard and my children were happy with that. I didn't plan a huge Easter dinner and we all enjoyed eachother's company anyway.

I am feeling so blessed to have found life without anxiety, stress and worry. It has been a long road, but a very rewarding one, filled with love.

I truly believe the secret to a happy life is Simplicity. It's the simple things that bring us the most joy in life, the simple things are those things you don't have to fight for, search for and beg for. They are the things that are sitting in front of you now. Not some far out, crazy idea you have of the future, but the golden moment you are holding in your hands, now...