A heart to heart

To say I've been feeling a bit lost lately would be a huge understatement.

My mind is all over the place (and so are my blog posts!)

Each day I wake up hoping that today is the day things turn around.

Not that things are horrible.  Everything on the outside is looking just fine and dandy, it's my "inside's" that are making the fuss.

So today on the way home from a meeting with a friend and student of mine, I took some time to think about where I've been and where I feel I am going.

I had a heart to heart with myself and with my angel guides.

I shared my worries and fears about moving forward and (once again) committed to letting go of these so that I could freely be guided to do what and who it is I am meant to be.

It felt good to release all of that energy.

When I arrived home there was a phone message from someone I was waiting to hear back from with regards to an opportunity to teach Continuing Education workshops for a local college.

Instantly, my mind started to go through the list of things I needed to accomplish to make this meeting a success.  My heart started racing and the stress and anxiety began to creep in.

SCREECH!

Wait a minute! 

Did you or did you NOT just tell your guides that you were letting go of this shit stuff?!?

Okay....breathe....

Let the test of my commitment begin!

I'm pretty sure... I think....

I always love the nights I get to drive my son's girlfriend home.

I'm not sure if he's caught on to my devious plan or not, but I always use the quiet ride home to engage him in conversation.

Usually the conversations turn towards vampire invasions and his thoughts on nuclear war.

But not tonight.

Tonight we had a nice long talk about his future, what it might look like and how he might go about getting that done.

He hates these conversations just about as much as I do.

It totally goes against my 'Live in the Moment' mantra.

Frankly, I'd be happy if he were 4 again.  Happily playing with his Lego's and announcing to us that he would one day work for the Lego company designing projects.

But he's not 4, he's 17.  And in 2 years he'll be off to college to do God only knows what.  And that 2 years are going to fly by like nobody's business!

I carefully balanced the conversation between asking him questions and explaining what 'real life' will look like if certain steps aren't taken shortly.

I wish society didn't need kids to be ready at 18 to make the life decision of 'what to do when I grow up'.  Heck, I'm teetering on 39 and even I don't know what I want to be when I grow up!

I'm 99.9% sure that everything is going to be fine.  It has to be.  And if it isn't, then that's just the way it is.

I'd feel better if I could take a look into a crystal ball, just to be sure.