Just once.....

Last week I was approached to take part as a presenter for a woman's retreat this summer.

I have been wanting to take part as a participant for a couple of years now and for some reason it just didn't work out.  So, when presented with the opportunity to attend as a meditation facilitator you'd think I'd jump at the chance.

You'd think....

I mean what better way to connect with new people who are like minded and create new relationships?!?!  What better way to get my name out to a whole new crowd of people?!?!?!

Oh, I have many excuses for why I did not take this opportunity.  The list is incredibly long!

The real reason I declined to attend as a presenter is because I am totally shit scared of presenting to women who have experienced many meditations already.  I'm feeling intimidated by the line up of amazing women who are also presenting during this weekend...  And I don't think I am worthy of presenting at such an amazing event.

UGH!

Just once I would like to walk up to an opportunity and embrace it completely without my monkey mind stepping in to question my sanity....

Just once I would like to walk past my fear as if it were nothing more than a fly on the wall walking around in circles and grab hold of opportunity like a long lost lover.

Just once I would like to give myself the credit that I deserve for the multi-talented, divinely creative person that I am.

Just once....

The Sum of My Small Steps....

The other day I was doing some writing in my creative journal and I came across an entry I made more than a year ago that said "I am the sum of my small steps.  When my steps seem their smallest, it is then that I am learning the most".

I had forgotten that I made that entry until I read it again.

And today, the thought hit me again as I sat in the Reiki class I was teaching.  And I found myself explaining to my students that it is when you are at your lowest point in life that you are doing your greatest learning.

I can remember a time in my life when it felt like all I was doing was living on the high of life's peaks and the low's of life's valleys.  Up and down my emotions and life would go, consistently, day after day after day.

It felt like I wasn't getting anywhere at all.  My steps seemed so small.

I wasn't allowing myself the opportunity to nurture myself while I was in those valleys.  I would criticize and judge myself, then I would push through the fatigue, anxiety and depression to the next thing.

I eventually learned that the peaks and valleys that I experienced became less intense when I took the time to listen to my body and nurture my soul.

The emotional valleys are put on our paths to allow us time to rest.  When you are at rest, your body, mind and spirit are healing.  When you are allowing yourself time to rest you are expressing love and appreciation for the self.

Now my steps are a little bigger.  The peaks and valleys hardly noticeable. 

And when I look back I can see my tiny footprints that connect me to who I used to be and who I am now. 

The Courage to Blog

For anyone that blogs, you will know that it isn't easy to do.

To make the decision to go "online" with your journaling is...dare I say....courageous?!?

Sharing your deepest feelings with the world in the hopes that you will inspire someone to make positive changes in their life.  Putting yourself into the spotlight for others to criticize or judge.

So many people with so many life experiences willing to face their fears and go public with some of their darkest secrets makes me hopeful that a more peaceful way of living is just around the corner.

That we all just want to "be the change we want to see in the world".

When I first decided to blog, I did it because I thought it would be a neat thing to do.  I never imagined people actually reading what I had to write.  I certainly never imagined people sharing with me how some of my writing touched them and made a difference in their lives.  It has become for me very therapeutic and at the same time a necessity.  Knowing that so many people are waiting to hear what comes next.

I don't take blogging lightly.

What I share here on this site is a reflection of what I am feeling in the moment.  How I am processing those emotions and how I hope to grow and learn from this process.

What I hope for the most is that somehow I can be a light that shines in your dark moment.  That I can offer a new perspective or at least help you to feel less alone on your journey to wholeness and well being.

Because to feel less alone in this great big world, can make all the difference.