What the Heart Knows

You know there have been many times I have convinced myself that I don't want what I want.

(Say that five times fast)

But the heart knows...  You know?

Like when your heart sinks when you see lovers kissing in the park and your single and you are wishing for that same kind of love EVEN though you  have convinced yourself you are better off alone.

Or when you convince yourself that life is just fine where it's at and you need nothing else, until someone close to you gets a new house, or a new car or wins the lottery.

The heart knows when your intellectual thoughts and beliefs are not in alignment with what you truly desire deep in your being.

So, I'm wondering what would happen if you simply allowed yourself to go where your heart wants you to go. 

Admit to yourself that you do want more.  Admit to yourself that life just doesn't feel complete without that special someone.  Admit to yourself that you want something more from your relationships with your family and loved ones.

Whatever it is, just admit it. 

Where's the harm in that?

If your heart knows what you truly want AND it makes it obvious with the way it flutters and sinks then don't you think you owe it to your heart to listen and follow along?

I do.

All I know...

I just stepped onto the bus when my son said "Mom, you need to sit with him".  He was directing his request to a boy that was sitting alone behind the seat that he was in.

We were on our way to a field trip and all the kids were snickering as I sat next to this boy.

I introduced myself to this boy and he seemed really nice.  We talked about the production we were about to go see.  He told me that they had already watched the Phantom of the Opera movie and I explained I had only ever heard some of the music, had never really had the opportunity to see either the movie or the theatre performance.

We chatted some more about the book he was reading.  Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  My boys loved those books.  He told me a bit about how he really is enjoying the 'do it yourself' version of the series where he can write his own stories.

We have something in common.  A friend. 
That's when I knew why I was sitting with this boy.

He turned to me and said "My dad's girlfriend was pregnant and the baby died forty five minutes after she was born".

I asked him how he felt about it.  He said he was sad.  They were all ready to receive this new baby into their family and now there's all this baby stuff and no baby to use it.

That's when I told him I knew exactly how he felt.  I shared in small detail my own son's death.  I told him it's a hard thing to go through but that one day he will see just how important that baby was even though she didn't live a very long life.

The kids around me were quick to point out  this boys' flaws.  One girl said he yelled out in the hallway that he liked her hair and thought she was pretty (I can think of worse things he could've yelled).  She turned up her nose in that way girls do and said "I don't like him, I don't want to be his girlfriend".  Another boy gave me a look like "you poor thing, you have to sit beside him" and then proceeded to tell me what this boy has done in his 'past'. 

I turned to them both and I said "It doesn't matter to me what he has done or how you feel about him.  He seems really nice and we're having a good conversation".

He sat next to me in the theatre too.  At intermission he bought himself a bag of chips and a candy bar of which was confiscated by a teacher.  It didn't matter that myself and every other kid had some form of snack in their hand, he wasn't allowed to have his, he was told he wasn't allowed to buy anything (despite the fact that there were vendors walking up and down the aisle selling snacks!).

Why do we do this to kids?  Why do we label them bad because they have made some poor choices. 

At 11 years old this boy most likely doesn't feel he has an option but to behave in the way that he does.  Some of his behaviour is most likely a survival mechanism.  Should he be shamed because he is simply trying to survive?

Our children are not born 'bad' or 'disruptive' or 'dangerous'.  They are taught to believe that these behaviours are acceptable.

My son said to me "Mom, he just doesn't have a very nice home life". 

I am so glad I got to be the one to sit in that seat next to him today.  I'm so glad that I got the opportunity to be the one that God wanted that boy to experience today.

I don't know his whole story.  I don't know the trouble he has caused.  I don't know the truth of the situation.  All I know is that he is a boy, a human being who deserves respect and love because we all deserve respect and love.

That's all I know.

Be Free....

Everyday I wake up and I put on my super woman cape.  Sometimes I wear it around the house just waiting for the moment that the world will need me to save it.  Most times though I am disappointed that the world doesn't call.

Instead, I am asked to do the little things like clean the toilets, do the laundry, wipe the muddy puppy paws and cook dinner.

And none of this feels like saving the world to me.

Except I am forgetting that yesterday I spoke with a group of young men about the potential for positive change if we choose positive thoughts instead of negative ones.  And I am forgetting that a month ago I was part of a Summit where I was able to empower people with the knowledge that they are intuitive and wise.  And I am forgetting that every Monday I mentor a little girl who can hardly sleep on Sunday nights because she's so excited that the next day is Monday and that she gets to spend time with me.  And I am forgetting that (almost) everyday I get out of bed and I make my kids laugh or at least have them question my sanity so that their day starts on the right foot.  And I am forgetting that what I have done is enough to get me at least a month of paid vacation time.

Instead of accepting that vacation time, I worry that I am not being used.  I worry that the world doesn't need me and that I'm not on the right track and I'm not doing enough to make a difference.

Instead of taking my vacation time and resting, I spend it frantically searching for what I might be missing.

No wonder I'm tired.

There's a great phrase in a song that I love.  It goes something like this "the fishes are confused, when searching for the sea.  Find what you can't lose.  Be free".

Find what you can't lose......

Be free......

You can't lose the knowledge that you are a spectacular human being.  Living a spectacular human life. 

You can't lose the knowledge that a greater force is holding your hand and guiding you to your destination.  You are essentially blindfolded.  It's time to trust.

What kind of 'employer' would the Universe be if it ignored labor laws and worked you like a dog without rest or benefits?

Be free.... 

Stop the madness of searching for something you are already living within.

We are running through life looking for something that can only be found or realized when we are still.

Be free.....