All I know...

I just stepped onto the bus when my son said "Mom, you need to sit with him".  He was directing his request to a boy that was sitting alone behind the seat that he was in.

We were on our way to a field trip and all the kids were snickering as I sat next to this boy.

I introduced myself to this boy and he seemed really nice.  We talked about the production we were about to go see.  He told me that they had already watched the Phantom of the Opera movie and I explained I had only ever heard some of the music, had never really had the opportunity to see either the movie or the theatre performance.

We chatted some more about the book he was reading.  Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  My boys loved those books.  He told me a bit about how he really is enjoying the 'do it yourself' version of the series where he can write his own stories.

We have something in common.  A friend. 
That's when I knew why I was sitting with this boy.

He turned to me and said "My dad's girlfriend was pregnant and the baby died forty five minutes after she was born".

I asked him how he felt about it.  He said he was sad.  They were all ready to receive this new baby into their family and now there's all this baby stuff and no baby to use it.

That's when I told him I knew exactly how he felt.  I shared in small detail my own son's death.  I told him it's a hard thing to go through but that one day he will see just how important that baby was even though she didn't live a very long life.

The kids around me were quick to point out  this boys' flaws.  One girl said he yelled out in the hallway that he liked her hair and thought she was pretty (I can think of worse things he could've yelled).  She turned up her nose in that way girls do and said "I don't like him, I don't want to be his girlfriend".  Another boy gave me a look like "you poor thing, you have to sit beside him" and then proceeded to tell me what this boy has done in his 'past'. 

I turned to them both and I said "It doesn't matter to me what he has done or how you feel about him.  He seems really nice and we're having a good conversation".

He sat next to me in the theatre too.  At intermission he bought himself a bag of chips and a candy bar of which was confiscated by a teacher.  It didn't matter that myself and every other kid had some form of snack in their hand, he wasn't allowed to have his, he was told he wasn't allowed to buy anything (despite the fact that there were vendors walking up and down the aisle selling snacks!).

Why do we do this to kids?  Why do we label them bad because they have made some poor choices. 

At 11 years old this boy most likely doesn't feel he has an option but to behave in the way that he does.  Some of his behaviour is most likely a survival mechanism.  Should he be shamed because he is simply trying to survive?

Our children are not born 'bad' or 'disruptive' or 'dangerous'.  They are taught to believe that these behaviours are acceptable.

My son said to me "Mom, he just doesn't have a very nice home life". 

I am so glad I got to be the one to sit in that seat next to him today.  I'm so glad that I got the opportunity to be the one that God wanted that boy to experience today.

I don't know his whole story.  I don't know the trouble he has caused.  I don't know the truth of the situation.  All I know is that he is a boy, a human being who deserves respect and love because we all deserve respect and love.

That's all I know.

Trials of childhood....

About 3 years ago my middle son was struggling with the loss of a friendship and not being accepted by his peer group.

One night as we were driving home from hockey we were talking about these struggles.  He shared with me that there were boys who teased him about his clothes, his hair, his lunch and even the type of containers his lunch came in!

I asked him about how he felt about it all.  Did HE like his clothes, his hair, his lunch and his containers?

His answer was "yes" to all of those.

So then I said to him "what's the problem then?"

I remember his eyes lighting up as he realized that, that was all that really mattered.  How he felt about himself.

Right at that moment a song came on the radio called "What do you think about that?" by Montgomery Gentry.

It's a song that talks about not caring what other people think of you, no matter what their judgements are.

There are NO coincidences in life!

I told him then, that this song needed to be his theme song until he had found himself on the other side of this situation.  Everytime he dealt with these particular boys he thought of this song.

It helped him find the courage to stand up for himself and the confidence to find new friends that liked him for him!

He is now in grade 8 and will be entering high school in September.  He is one of the most well rounded boys I have ever met.  He gets along with everyone in his class, is caring and compassionate, and has a great sense of humour.  He is confident and willing to try new things.  He definitely brings something special to his peer group!

Our kids struggle all the time with issues of self acceptance (heck most adults struggle with this as well!).

As parents it can be equally difficult to help our children through this.  I have found the key to this is to not "fix" their problem for them, but to give them tools, ideas, options to use when they are faced with difficulties.  Allowing them to figure it out on their own and learn how to deal with life's ups and downs themselves will set them up for success in the future.

Having the opportunity to affect change in a situation for themselves can give them the confidence boost they need to go far in life!

And those are life skills that will never go to waste!