Whose walking your path?

I don't know about you, but I get really excited about my spiritual/personal journey. 

I sometimes get so excited that I feel that others need to be on the same journey as I am.

This tends to happen alot with my husband and I.  And recently the Universe reminded me that my husbands personal journey is none of my business!  (you gotta love it when you get those reminders)

It all happened while we were taking part in a 10 day metabolic cleanse with Metagenics.  We were doing fine, eliminating foods from our diet everyday and taking the "prescribed" product to help our bodies eliminate toxins.

Around day 5 my hubby started to get a little grumpy about what he could and couldn't eat (we were down to eating only broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, kale, apples & pears).  Generally he is a meat and potatoes guy with a strong tolerance for his wife's nutritional tricks (which I have to admit once in a while border on obsessions).

Anyway....

We had a brief phone conversation one day about how he was starving because he didn't know what he could and couldn't eat and I reminded him that the instructions were well laid out in the booklet that lay in front of him on the kitchen counter. 

I hung up the phone and felt my body tense up.  How could he not know what to eat?  How hard is it to open the fridge and pull out some veggies and eat them?  Why was he choosing to be so difficult?  Why is this so hard for him to do, it's only 10 days for goodness sake?  ARGH!!!

I no sooner got all bent out of shape when it dawned on me.

He only chose to do this cleanse because I came home with the product for him.  He only chose to do this because he believes in me and my vision for a healthier lifestyle.  He only chose to do this because I was so excited and convinced him it was "the right thing to do" for us.

Hold up! 

For "us"?  Yah, right...  Cause I don't have enough living to do on my own, I have to live his life for him too....

The truth:  I dragged him into this whole cleanse thing because I wanted him to follow along MY path.  I want him to live a healthier lifestyle for ME.

But his path is NOT my path.  Not even close.  I forget this every once in a while because he is so supportive of me, and it's not fair to him when he gets caught in my "best laid plans".

I think in our excitement of all that we are personally learning in our experience, we are eager to put what we have learned onto someone we love, in the hopes that that person will experience greater self awareness.

Think back to a time when someone has put their own expectations of what your personal journey should look like on you.  How did that feel?  Did it feel like you weren't being trusted with your own life?  Did it feel like someone didn't believe in your own talents and abilities?  Did it feel uncomfortable?  Did it feel disrespectful?

I know for me, I can reason away my behaviour in the guise of "but I love them, I want what's best for them".  As much as this is true, sometimes we can show an even greater love to someone by letting them live for themselves, in a way that is comfortable for them.

This isn't always easy to do.  It's getting easier for me to do this with my husband and yet a little more difficult to do with my teenage sons :)  But still, everytime I catch myself putting my standards upon them it gives me another opportunity to readjust and get back on my own path.

Afterall, if I'm walking on someone else's path.  Then who is walking on mine?

A journey to be proud of

It's been ten years since my conscious journey to awareness began.

I remember the beginning well. I had experienced the birth of my 4th son and the death of my father within 12 hours of each other, the only way I could cope with the confusion of emotions during this time was to read about life after death, the role of angels in our lives and of course what we are really here to accomplish in this life.

Believing that my father's soul was living pain free and joyful somewhere helped me to focus on staying well for the sake of myself, my newborn son and the rest of my family. I still grieved for him of course. But all in all it was my new found faith in a higher purpose that got me through those trying moments.

And it still does.

My motto is "awareness is key".

But awareness of one's own motives, purposes, our place in the world, etc. is not easy. I would have to say that the words "ignorance is bliss" are right on the money. Some days I would love nothing more than to not know what I know. Then I remember how fascinating it is to be witness to your own transformation and if I was ignorant of myself I would be missing the opportunity to see this happen before my eyes.

In 10 short years I have become someone completely opposite to who I was then.

Back then I was a follower, I was more than willing to allow someone to place their ideals upon me and then allow myself to follow through with them, no matter what it took, no matter how miserable I seemed to become.

I was a loyal and dedicated friend, but not because I wanted to be, but because I felt if I wasn't that I wouldn't be loved by these people, or they wouldn't think I was worthy of their company.

I was dependant upon other people's opinions of me, rarely thought or spoke for myself and endured emotional distress for many years in the form of panic and anxiety attacks.

I often neglected my family because of my great need to be loved and accepted by my peers.

The past 10 years have taken me well into my 30's and as we all know the 30's are all about finding yourself. It's been an amazing adventure and a journey that I can say that I am extremely proud of.

I have worked very hard. I once had a spiritual teacher of mine tell me that I loved homework a little too much. It wasn't that I liked it, I was afraid to fail. Because up until that point I had been wandering through life on someone else's terms, and because of that didn't find much success or happiness in anything that I did.

I wanted to be successful at being me. I wanted to become all that I could be and so I pushed myself into and past situations that created rapid awareness.

Of course none of that was necessary, it's just how I played it out.

At the time I was fighting against a host of limiting beliefs that told me I would amount to nothing in life. That I wouldn't succeed, that I didn't have it in me.

I still fight against those beliefs, I don't believe they ever go away, maybe they just get quieted a little more each time they are addressed.

I make sure to spend my time with people who are encouraging and loving, and who value me in their lives. I make sure to be gentle with myself when the need arises.

This classroom of life is a tough one.

There are no failures though; only honor roll graduates.